Five Hair Products For Sistas Allergic To Coconut Oil

January 19, 2018, 6:47 am

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By Veronica Wells

Coconut oil is lauded as the superstar of any natural hair care regimen. And I get it, my hair loved this natural oil...until it didn't. My sister and I were in Turks and Caicos when we discovered that we could not stop scratching our scalps. For me, the itching was mild but my sister’s scalp was in crisis. Large chunks of dried skin were falling out of her head. It wasn’t long before we realized it was the coconut oil that was causing this reaction. After a couple more tries, it was with a heavy heart that we said goodbye to all of the products in our arsenal that contained coconut oil. (In theory, many of them still occupy space on our bathroom shelf.) The transition hasn’t been easy. Coconut oil is in about 80 percent of hair products for Black women. So you have to be careful.

If you find that your scalp is itchy even after you’ve washed, oiled and styled it, or you already know you have a coconut allergy, here are some products that will be lifesavers for your hair care regimen.

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Queen Nefertiti’s Grow Super Long Hair, $13.00

I know this is not a very large or well known brand. But I saw this at the health food store on 125th in Harlem and decided to give it a try because--it didn’t contain coconut oil and I needed a good, heavy butter-like product to condition my scalp and penetrate my locs on wash day. This product was perfect for that. While you can feel it contains all natural oils and herbs, it still manages to go on lightly. It doesn’t leave your hair feeling weighed down and it smells delicious.

Jane Carter Solution’s Moisture Nourishing Shampoo, $8.00

From my experience most of Jane Carter’s products don’t contain coconut oil. I recommended this shampoo because, unlike so many others, it does what the bottle says it will. When you wash your hair with this product you’ll know your hair is clean without feeling like you’ve stripped your tresses of the oils they so desperately need.

Oyin’s Ginger Mint Co-Wash, $11.99

I really can’t say enough about this product. It’s my favorite on the list mostly because conditioning is so important. My locs felt INcredible after I applied this on my hair after a good shampoo. The mint stimulated my scalp, opening my pores without being too abrasive. (Some even got into my eye and it didn’t even burn.) It smells delightful and leaves your scalp feeling invigorated and your hair hydrated.

Camille Rose Naturals, Almond Jai Twisting Butter, $16.99

This is for the “free haired” naturalistas. I haven’t used this product myself but I watched as my sister used it for one of her twist outs and it produced some of the most defined, longest lasting curls I’ve seen on my sister’s head. This twisting butter features “gourmet ingredients” like almond, aloe vera and honey, among many other natural and delicious oils. And it smells like cake in the jar but isn’t as loud on your actual head.

Ancient Egyptian Anti-Breakage & Repair Antidote Oil, $17.99

If I was really taking care of my hair like I was supposed to I would set aside time to give myself hot oil treatments, especially in the winter. The cold winds can be particularly rough on our hair. This anti-breakage oil can be used as everyday moisture or for more intensive hot oil treatments. This product contains oils like Kalahari Watermelon, Baobab Seed oil, Castor and Evening Primrose. I haven't tried this one personally but I love Mane Choice's products so this one, with these fabulous and fragrant ingredients, sounds like it has the potential to be another winner.

I should also note that all of these products are created by Black women, so there’s the extra incentive of supporting our sisters to go along with this list.

Do you have any fav products that don't contain of coconut?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

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Shena...and Mom Are Naturally Glam!

January 19, 2018, 7:44 am

≫ Next: Lupita Nyong'o Celebrates Her Skin With Children's Book 'Sulwe'

≪ Previous: Five Hair Products For Sistas Allergic To Coconut Oil

Shena and Mom

Born in Flint, and raised outside of Tallahassee, Fl, Shena is a social worker, mom, and sister girl who loves hanging out with her friends. She also loves her mom. Find out what makes her naturally glam!

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How long have you been natural?
I've been natural for ten years.

What are your fav products?
Shea moisture curl smoothie, carols daughter hair milk, as I am co-wash, eco gel-olive oil or coconut oil.

What's your favorite look?
I like to change my hair color because I think it gives me a different look even if I have the same style. Unfortunately, my natural hair color is a dull and dusty color that always seems to be darker than I would like.

Shena with her kids

What do you do for fun?
I’m a mother of two so they keep me busy, but I love hanging with friends. Out for drinks, traveling, and now being an active planner (a life of organization is in the near future).

How do you stay healthy?
I joined a gym in Sept., so I’m exercising 3x a week and planning lunches (at least m-thurs. weekly). I cook a lot too so I think that helps my family eat healthy. Also, I'm trying to drink more water daily. I can feel it in my skin, body, and hair when I don’t.

How has having natural hair contributed to your life?
I’m pretty confident at this point because it has been a while and it now seems the healthiest thing for my hair. Perming was definitely damaging my hair and stripping it to the max (I wore color often too). Plus a lot more women now are natural so it is encouraging to see that as well.

Did you have any positive hair role models growing up?I'm not certain about positive hair role models. My mom's hair is super fine and curly too (she’s biracial), so I couldn’t look at her hair and see my own. A number of my friends and their moms wore their hair permed so I did as well.

Did you have 'hair envy' with your mom?
As a young kid I never really thought about different textures than my mom. I had really long hair and my mom always kept my hair in very neat braids and ponys. I never had hair envy with my mom. She is and always was beautiful to me and I feel I look just like her in a browner skin. I love my hair because it has always been soft, manageable, and a part of me.

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If you'd like to be featured in Naturally Glam submit your photos to naturallyglam@curlynikki.com and answer these questions!

1) Where are you from/live and how long have you been natural?
2) What products do you use on your hair?
3) If you have a business, are in school, have a blog, products you sell, a job in a field you'd like to talk about, have initiatives and organizations you'd like to highlight, advice to give, or family that you are proud of and want to share, please do.
4) How has having natural hair contributed to your life? Your self-esteem?
5) What's been the best part of your natural hair journey or your hair journey in general?

6) What do you do for fun?

7) How do you stay healthy

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Lupita Nyong'o Celebrates Her Skin With Children's Book 'Sulwe'

January 19, 2018, 7:57 am

≫ Next: Pay Up Kiddo! Should a 5-Year-Old Have To Pay Rent?

≪ Previous: Shena...and Mom Are Naturally Glam!

Photo via filmsor.net

By Mwabi Murdock

In the ongoing conversation about skin hues and how uncomfortable the world seems to be with dark skin, Academy award winner Lupita Nyong’o has fared well and seems to have come through pretty unscathed since emerging in the public eye back in 2013. Other than former NBA player Gilbert Arenas dumb remarks about Lupita only being cute with the lights off, Lupita is a media darling and well loved and accepted. She is a red carpet favorite and always makes the best dressed lists. She has been on the cover of multiple magazines including Vogue, Elle, Essence, In Style, Marie Claire, Glamour, and was even named one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful while making the cover. She is the face of Lancome ads, and has dolls made in her likeness. Her poise and classiness are bar none and the fact that she has accomplished everything while celebrating her natural beauty make her the epitome of black girl magic.

Lupita will team with Simon & Schuster to write her debut children’s book “Sulwe."

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The picture book is aimed at readers between the ages of 5 and 7. “Sulwe,” means “star” in Luo, Lupita’s native tongue and is the story of a 5-year-old girl growing up in Kenya. Sulwe has the darkest skin color in her family, a fact that makes her uncomfortable and determined to find a way to lighten her skin. As the story unfolds, Sulwe embarks on a whimsical adventure in the night sky that, coupled with advice from her mother, helps her see beauty differently.

Lupita was not always the self-confident Goddess we know now and gave a speech about it in 2014 at an Essence Women in Hollywood Luncheon. The speech went viral and was a pivotal point for young girls who thought lightening their skin would make them feel more beautiful. She encouraged them by saying,

“I hope that my presence on your screens and in magazines may lead you, young girl, on a similar journey. That you will feel validation of your external beauty, but also, get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside.”

The speech going viral is where the idea of “Sulwe” was born explains Lupita,

“I felt really grateful that it had this impact and at that time it occurred to me that there was an audience that this was resonating with, but the age group that really needed to hear this wouldn’t necessarily hear the speech.”

Dark skin is not just an issue in predominantly African countries; South America, India, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Philippines, and South Korea are all countries who sell skin lightening creams. The sad untrue belief is that lighter skin gives you a better life. Sulwe’s story will resonate with children from all over the world and teach them that self love and acceptance are the key. Children learn life lessons at an early age and books are a huge way in which they learn.

“Sulwe” will hit the shelves next January. Will you buy it?

Mwabi Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world. She is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993. Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy. She has been an avid runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon. Keep up with her athttp://africanbeautifulme.blogspot.com/

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Pay Up Kiddo! Should a 5-Year-Old Have To Pay Rent?

January 22, 2018, 5:11 am

≫ Next: Tai Allen: Shedding the Stigma for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse in the #MeToo Era

≪ Previous: Lupita Nyong'o Celebrates Her Skin With Children's Book 'Sulwe'

By Erickka Sy Savané

Making the rounds online like a California wildfire is definitely a topic that caught my eye about a mom, Essence Evans, who shared on her facebook page that she charges her 5-year-old daughter rent. As a mom of two who is constantly asking myself whether I'm doing the right things as a parent, it made me stop and think. Should little kids pay rent? Well, you can imagine that there has been A LOT of discussion, sometimes heated, for and against, from here all the way to the UK! Find out what this mom hopes to accomplish by teaching her daughter that ain't nothin' going on but the rent, and share your thoughts!

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From Essence Evans Facebook page

While I understand what this mom is trying to do, because one of our biggest goals as a parent is making sure that our kids can thrive once they leave the nest, I'm also of the mindset that kids should be kids for as long as possible. Bills will surely come, but how about they get to focus on other things that will make their lives rich, like sharing, kindness, empathy, sports, arts, ect....Also, taking the majority of the child's money back in an effort to teach them that most of their money will go towards bills when they grow up, is teaching them just that. There are many people out there working and owning businesses who aren't left with such a low amount after paying their bills. If I had this to look forward to as a kid growing into an adult, I'd probably never have the desire to work because it sounds like some bullsh*t.

And while most of the comments on Essence's Facebook page have been overwhelmingly positive...

YAY: BABYGIRL, I've been doing this for YEARS!! I have 3 kiddos under 10yo and they pay .65 per month for Rent. If they pay late past the 5th, they get charged interest for a .01 a day and get locked out of their room. You are TEACHING your little BROWN BABIES financial responsibility. I'm proud of you. Keep up the GOOD WORK!! the people who are talking trash about you will be the very ones that your child HIRES to clean up after her

YAY: to teach a child independence and the value of money and hardwork is the best gift a parent can give to their child, especially in this day and age of the spoiled, entitled generation. Don't listen to the haters and the clueless. Your daughter will have a good life because you gave her a solid foundation to build from.

YAY: You are a genius & an awesome mom!! Your daughter is lucky to have you. Hope all the asshole moms have backed off now. Much love & respect sent your way!!
There have been a few negative...

There have been some negative...

NAY:the greatest bullshit i have ever heard of. No time ever to be a child... before she HAS to work for food

NAY: You're teaching your daughter what? You are not telling her she is saving money. At five she can understand saving money. There are children a couple years older than her who attend college. The human brain can retain a whole lot more than most of us realize. Another thing, children don't ask parents to have them. We have them. Why should they pay us to live with us or for anything??? We owe them for bringing them here.

NAY:Lets see those deposit slips.

What do you think? Should little kids pay rent?

Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.com, Ebony.com, Madamenoire.com, xoNecole.com, and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter, Instagram or

ErickkaSySavane.com

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Tai Allen: Shedding the Stigma for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse in the #MeToo Era

January 22, 2018, 6:19 am

≫ Next: Women's March & White Women on What to do About White Female Trump Voters

≪ Previous: Pay Up Kiddo! Should a 5-Year-Old Have To Pay Rent?

Photo of Tai Allen by Taylor Flash

By Sharon Pendana

Tai Allen is a multidisciplinary creative— poet, performer, music and event producer, graphic designer, to name a few of his many hats. He is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. His recently published chapbook, No Jewels: A Biography (of sorts) Writ in Stanzas, through revelatory poetry uses his violation and ultimate healing to illuminate the staggering statistic that one in sixmen have experienced sexual abuse or assault and offer hope that "pain and trauma do not need to be permanent. Love and contentment are better options.”

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Long before he grew into commanding presence, towering height, and manhood, he was preyed upon by rapacious family members older than he (a male cousin and an undisclosed female relative) who desired manly acts from a boy with still "hairless parts." A summer of stolen innocence: locked-door Saturday baths and illicit midday trysts; what child should know of these?

While on a multi-city book tour, Allen spoke to Curly Nikki with guarded frankness about his traumatic experiences, and using his platform as an artist to give voice to those silenced by fear, shame, and stigma.

First, thank you for your willingness to share your difficult story. You were so young when it all started.

Yes, between nine and ten.

By being a relative, your abuser had greater access to you than someone who wasn’t part of the family. Did the person "groom" you for it so to speak?

I’m not sure. If she didn’t groom me before, she was certainly very active in trying to get me to forget about it. And I did for a long time. I forgot about it until I was about seventeen– it was like a eureka moment. She was always so nice to me, lavished me with gifts; I couldn’t figure out why. One day I just remembered. There were actually two situations; one with my cousin, but I punched him in the face and fought him off, and that was the end of that. My female relative was much older, late teens.

Despite her attempt at normalizing her actions, you always knew that they shouldn’t be happening?

Yes, but I didn’t have the language to explain it. I never did until I got older. She was, I think, bipolar. Abuse is usually about power, but when it’s someone who’s not too well, it’s power and a level of insanity.

How did you handle the unexpected re-emergence of your childhood abuse in your consciousness during adolescence?

Not very well. [I felt] disrespected. Betrayed. Angry. Fooled. Gaslighted. Mad. Violent. It took me ten years to fully reconcile how wack both persons were. They both need therapy. And maybe, a good smack.

Although you didn't undergo therapy, you suggest it for others.

Yes, there is even a number to an agency for readers in the back of the book. I did not get therapy, but I had compassionate listeners. Expression and compassion work in unison.

So, how did you find healing?

The assumption is that it was art, everyone assumes that, but it's not true. I am the son and godson of black militants. They were big on character and personality building. Ever since I was young, I was given the tools to deal with white oppression and supremacy and those same tools work when dealing with personal abuse. More than anything else, they gave me legacy. They gave me something to believe in. They made sure I had a real affection for community and the Diaspora.

Photo of Tai Allen by Azzie Scott, The Dream Dept.

You may not have come to rely on your art as therapy, but do think there is some catharsis through art?

Hell yes! Sports, hobbies, art, it is about finding outlets that can return the soul to your center. Finding peace is the goal. I truly believe holding on to distressing experiences will create ailments.

Your experience made you vigilant of your two daughters. How did you teach your girls to protect themselves when not under a parent's watchful eye?

The girls require a conversation that reminds them all people and spaces are not safe. And the danger can come from males who sheep their intentions. I understand power is also emotional and mental; I pray I have informed them that sex can be used against them. From abuse to coercion to faux sympathy. Plus, my daughters are Black. Society is often not fond of Black women.

Although No Jewels directly addresses the experience of a male survivor of sexual abuse, its theme of moving through trauma, from surviving into thriving is universal.

I wanted to write a book that men—and others—could use as proof that trauma can be overcome. That proves pain does not have be wallowed in, no matter how terrible the horror.

Your poem “very afraid” touches on the specter of the abused becoming an abuser, in hiding. The book also shares that although many abusers have been victims of abuse, statistically most survivors do not go on to abuse others.

True, and there should be an acknowledgment for those who did not become generational predators after being victims. I see them.

You offer a downloadable Blues/R&B/Acid Jazz soundtrack to the book. What inspired it?

I am a multidisciplinary artist. Absorbing the project in multiple ways can only enhance receiving its message. I wrote the book using triolet (a French writing style), senriyu (a Japanese form close to haiku) and “song” to resemble the African oral tradition. All three forms scream musicality. I just listened to the call.

Get the book and soundtrack on TaiAllen.com Follow Tai on Instagram and Twitter

National Sexual Assault Hotline Call 1-800-656-4673 Available 24 hours everyday.

How have you found healing from abuse?

Sharon Pendana is the creator of THE TROVE, author of Secret Washington DCand on a relentless quest to discover treasures, human and otherwise. Find her on Instagram, Medium,Twitter or binging on Netflix and Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps.

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Women's March & White Women on What to do About White Female Trump Voters

January 22, 2018, 10:52 am

≫ Next: And the Winners of the Miles Regis Collection Painted T-Shirt Giveaway Are...

≪ Previous: Tai Allen: Shedding the Stigma for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse in the #MeToo Era

Women's March 2018

By Erickka Sy Savané
This past weekend marked a year that Donald Trump has been our Commander-in-Thief, I mean, Chief, and the moment was not lost on women. Just like one year ago when millions of women joined together to march and make our voices heard this year was no different. Over 250 marches were held worldwide with the focus on voter registration. With that being the case, we can't forget about white women who voted to the tune of roughly 54% to put Donald Trump in office, as well as the white female voters who threw their support behind Roy Moore (alleged pedophile) running for Senate in Alabama. Incidentally, Moore lost because black women said, 'no way in hell' and voted to the tune of 98% for opponent Doug Jones. That being said, with the mid-term elections coming up in November and another Presidential election in 2020, what can be done about these women who are like kryptonite to progress? Since many black women like myself don't know their logic, I decided to ask some white women I know in Jersey City what can be done about white female Trump voters. Here's what they had to say...

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Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Mary, early- mid-30's
Well, it's hard because a lot of these white women aren't in my circle so it's not something that I'm bumping up against every day. I think the best way I can help is to highlight these issues -- since a lot of women aren't paying attention to the facts. And, honestly, just dispel ridiculous propaganda about African Americans in general. I think that's a huge part of the problem. The racial politics at play (defaming BLM, etc.) seeks to push white woman toward upholding the patriarchy and white supremacy. There's a real method to that madness. During my day-to-day, I try to amplify Black women's voices on Twitter as well. I'm less vocal on social media now because of my new role at a news network, but I do my best to challenge alternative facts and help people see what they're voting against - their own interests. Honestly, I think white people, and white women, have taken for granted the gains we've made (social programs, equality legislation, etc.). I'm afraid they won't know what they've got till it's gone (to quote Guns and Roses).

Jess early- mid-30's
Something that was super transformational for me was participating in a 2.5 day 'Undoing Racism' workshop with the 'People's Institute for Survival and Beyond.' Unfortunately, this stuff runs so deep and it should not be up to people of color to school white folks. But for "woke" white folks to have an impact on other white folks- we have to be willing to have those uncomfortable conversations. And we can't attack otherwise people shut down.

Janet, early 40's

I have no idea about what can be done about white women. It's infuriating. If we are not actively fighting against the oppressors we are just as culpable. So what does it mean to actively fight? Clearly with your vote, with your voice, with your dollars if you can. It means arguing around the Thanksgiving table, it means not letting racist, sexist sh*t stand on Facebook, even if it's awkward.

I will say that I just posted on a friend's page who was spewing some white woman nonsense ....I feel like sometimes I'm shouting into a void. What's the point of getting into it with a high school friend on Facebook? And how many times can I make the same arguments? But at the same time - how dare I just sit back because (whine) I'm tired. I can't change the mind of the person who posts that stuff on Facebook, but not saying anything can't be an option. Perhaps if one person who reads her page feels empowered by seeing someone stand up - then it's worth it. It's the smallest of small things.

Angela, early 30's
I feel like there’s a big disconnect between white women in conservative areas and white women in liberal areas. These ladies seem like they live in a different universe, because if they have the same information I do, how can they come to the opposite conclusion? Maybe information is the problem? Fox News is more fiction than fact, and if these ladies aren’t making an effort to educate themselves, how do we get the truth to them? So moving forward, that's a good question...there is no way to move forward if we don’t understand what we’re up against: ignorance, lack of empathy for people who are not the same as we are, unabashed racism...I imagine the reasons are as numerous as the people voting. Maybe single issue voters willfully ignore the other issues (folks who will not budge on abortion or small government) because it “doesn’t affect them.” I wish I knew how to make people think harder about issues that “don’t affect them.”

Nancy, early-mid-30's
I wish I f*cking knew. White Southern women are crazy. I can't understand it or explain it. Can we move forward without them? I hope so because they are not getting the memo.

What do you think? Are white women doing enough to get through to other white women?

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And the Winners of the Miles Regis Collection Painted T-Shirt Giveaway Are...

January 23, 2018, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Tell It Tuesday: The Ugly Side Of Beauty

≪ Previous: Women's March & White Women on What to do About White Female Trump Voters

Miles Regis Collection

Hey Ladies,

It's Tuesday win day! Last week we asked you to comment on all articles on the site for a chance to win a Miles Regis Collection painted t-shirt and you were engagement rockstars! Thanks to everyone who entered, we appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts, and now we have 3 lucky winners!

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Miles Regis Collection

And the winners are:

TyaD

Naturally MiMi

Native

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Congrats Winners! You have 1 week to claim your prize. Please email nikki@curlynikki.com with your full name, address & size using Miles Regis Collection Winner in the subject line. Enjoy yout t-shirt, and stay tuned for the next giveaway!

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Tell It Tuesday: The Ugly Side Of Beauty

January 23, 2018, 6:24 am

≫ Next: Amara La Negra & the Colorism Debate

≪ Previous: And the Winners of the Miles Regis Collection Painted T-Shirt Giveaway Are...

K. Michelle before butt implant removal

By Ta-ning Connai

Looks ain't everything, yet the women of reality TV and the pop culture icons of Instagram seem to think otherwise. They are the self-proclaimed leaders of the new so-called Feminist Movement who obsessively promote themselves and all things shallow, while promoting a sisterhood amongst their fans by encouraging them to embrace their bodies, love themselves and feel empowered by taking half-naked selfies ALL. DAY. LONG. Now wait a minute...you’re a champion of self acceptance, yet you didn’t accept yourself until AFTER all your major cosmetic procedures??? Oh ok.

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K. Michelle

Two celeb forerunners of the most recent plastic surgery phenomenon have recently had their implants removed. K. Michelle, who was honest early on, stated she was very unhappy about the enormity of her new bottom and the unforeseen problems it brought along. Amber Rose always denied having any work done, yet there are before photos that say otherwise.

Amber Rose

At any rate, she's recently had her H cup juggs “reduced,” perhaps back to their normal size. I guess being deliberately known for your banging bod is not all it's cracked up to be. But what does this all mean for the average women who scrambled together lots of hard earned cash just to follow in their footsteps? Let it be noted that implants are not something you can just take off like makeup or a wig. And the repercussions can be a helluva lot more than just simple regret.

Well, in case you didn't notice, there’s a war going on in the hearts of young girls and women worldwide and your tools for victory are destroying them. Great job on using your celebrity to perpetuate the message that they’re not good enough as they are. Any woman who does such a thing should really think twice about contributing to this sudden wave of superficial power and fake self esteem. Demonstrating a false sense of confidence on the outside instead of radiating it from the inside just won’t last, no matter how good your plastic surgeon and photo filters are.

These social media phenoms have (albeit unintentional) sided with the many men, ad agencies, make up brands and publication giants that pressure us CONSTANTLY about how we should look in order to belong. They try to make us believe that the obsessive pursuit of physical perfection is the key to success, relational bliss and self-love. Going all out to get that face, hair and body snatched can be downright fun, but to dramatically alter one’s self to unrealistic proportions is simply a whole ‘nother level.

Things Change.

I got teased for a lot of things in school, but because of my full lips I used to get called Chewbacca (the Star Wars ape with the blue eyes). If I’d had the money (and my mother’s permission) to have them surgically reduced, I would have. Now decades later, people are filling their faces with deadly poison just to get the same effect. But they don’t know I used to hide in the bathroom during lunch just to get relief from the taunting. Like I said, things change.

It’s time to come to terms with who God made us to be, regardless of the lies we sometimes believe. In Psalms 139: 14, He describes us as His most brilliant workmanship ever created! He says we are marvelous and wonderfully made! And until we believe that, we will never be satisfied.

Have you ever altered your looks just to realize you were better off before?

TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who one day got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to tear down the walls of churchy tradition, change the face of Christianity, and present it's message in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of BK), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

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Amara La Negra & the Colorism Debate

January 23, 2018, 6:35 am

≫ Next: Instead of Over Praising Your Kids Try Adopting THIS Game Changing Mindset

≪ Previous: Tell It Tuesday: The Ugly Side Of Beauty

Amara La Negra & Charlamagne

By Michelby Coco Whitehead

Unless you live under a pop culture rock, you have seen the wonder that is Amara la Negra by now. Her flawless skin and larger than life hair, are hard to miss. However, the Love n Hip Hop Miami breakout star is more than a pretty face and booty bouncing music. She’s actually got something to say and unfortunately, Charlamagne and Dj Envy didn’t seem to grasp that when she appeared on Monday’s Breakfast Club interview. Then again, I’m not sure if these guys were asking tactless questions just for the sake of making the interview juicier. Nonetheless, they acted as if they couldn’t understand Amara’s stance on the discrimination she faces as a dark-skinned Afro-Latina trying to crossover into the American market. Regardless, Amara’s story line is making the world indulge in conversation that has been swept under the rug for decades. What's the topic of conversation you ask? C-O-L-O-R-I-S-M. Colorism.

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At the 75th Golden Globes Oprah Winfrey said, “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool that we all have.” Amara is definitely speaking her truth, regardless if some people pretend not to get it.

Colorism is the discrimination of a person because of the lightness or darkness of his or her skin. This type of discrimination can also be shown to men and women by their own race. I know people will argue that colorism is a direct behavioral and psychological screw up that stems from slavery, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. But now it's time for people of color to take responsibility and undo all that foolery by embracing themselves in all varieties and flavors of Black.

A few years ago, veteran actor and director Bill Duke did a powerful documentary called Dark Girls that aired on the OWN network. It. Was. Phenomenal. It allowed women to talk about their experiences with loving the skin they're in. Would you believe there were people who said the documentary was "alright" and even unnecessary? Some even pulled an All Lives Matter move and said light skin women face more hate than dark skin women, when in fact both groups, male and female, face equal bashing by people who share the same racial background as them. Don't act like you haven't seen the memes on Instagram.

Mr. Duke did in fact release a film called Light Girls shortly after Dark Girls, yet people still complained, rather than value the lessons in both of his documentaries. But here's some truth tea: When God wants to open your eyes to something and you ignore it, it remerges. And that's why Amara la Negra and all her bold blackness is on and poppin' for such a time as this.

Giving props where it’s due, Love n Hip Hop Miami is the most thought-provoking production Mona Scott has assembled. Kudos to her! I don't care that Amara’s platform for the message is ratchet reality TV; that's honestly where it needs to be. Just last year some fool from another Love n Hip Hop cast said ignorant things about passing a brown paper bag test. So, it seems to me that Amara la Negra is positioned in the right place at the right time to declare the right message. So for all those who are tired of seeing us rave and Stan for Amara, get over it. She's an international treasure. We're celebrating her all year long like healthy edges and good credit, okay?

How do you feel we should address colorism in the black community?

A woman of the bayou pimping my pen because I'm scared of a day job. You can find me somewhere telling stories like Nas and Terry McMillan on April Fool's day. Writing is life so follow me on IG @cococurator

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Instead of Over Praising Your Kids Try Adopting THIS Game Changing Mindset

January 24, 2018, 4:52 am

≫ Next: Netflix's 'Step Sisters' is a Lesson in What's Off Limits

≪ Previous: Amara La Negra & the Colorism Debate

By Erickka Sy Savané

My 6 year-old daughter put on an impromptu talent show with some of her dolls. Princess Tiana, Ariel, the redhead from the movie Brave and Mulan sang and danced together like any girl group who had gotten together for the first time with no rehearsal. After about 10 minutes, I thanked her, and told her that it needed some work. “Think about how you can make it better and try it again,” I said enthusiastically. Her mood shifted immediately, and I could see she was disappointed. When I asked what was wrong she wouldn’t say.

"Listen, it was a good show, especially for a first try, but I know you can make it even better. Just try.” I don’t’ know if she heard me.

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My logic was that I didn't want to tell her how great it was when it was just okay. Reality show auditions are filled with kids and adults alike who have the talent of a nail, but it seems that no one told them the truth, or that it needed work.

Thankfully, a light went off a few days later when I came across an article by Carol Dweck psychology professor at Stanford University, about encouraging a ‘growth mindset’ in our kids. A growth mindset is essentially one in which we believe that the brain is like a muscle that is growing stronger with every challenge. The opposite of that is the ‘fixed mindset,’ based on the belief that we have an innate or fixed amount of knowledge in an area. An example of that would be when we say, “I’m no good at math.” Our belief is that we’re as good as we’re going to get.

According to Dweck, when it comes to our kids, even if we want a growth mindset- don’t we all want our kids to keep learning and believing that they can get better at anything with time and effort?- we encourage a fixed mindset by overpraising them.

I’m guilty of it. I’ve told my daughter who frequently gets 100’s on her tests in school that she’s so smart! I say it because I want her to know that she’s intelligent and I feel like it helps build her self-esteem. Dweck says, however, that by praising the result without acknowledging the process that it took to bring about that high score, I’m setting her up to believe that her intelligence is automatic, and didn’t come about through work, which is a fixed mindset. She’ll likely expect to do well and get easily discouraged when she doesn’t, and also shy away from trying new things that might make her look not so smart. A better way to acknowledge a kid’s accomplishment would be to praise the process/effort that it takes to do great work. So instead of saying, ‘You’re such a little genius for getting all those A’s on your tests!” I could try, “You really study for your tests and the work pays off, Congratulations!”

However, encouraging the effort doesn’t mean forgetting about the results, says Dweck.

“Outcomes matter. Unproductive effort is never a good thing. It’s critical to reward not just effort but learning and progress, and to emphasize the processes that yield these things, such as seeking help from others, trying new strategies, and capitalizing on setbacks to move forward effectively.”

Her studies have proven time and again that kids who are encouraged to focus on improving their skills over how smart they are tend to embrace challenges and work through setbacks much better, ultimately reaching higher results, than those who think they already have it figured out. Schools that have adopted the growth mindset in their teaching have had major breakthroughs breaking down stereotypes when it comes to women in Math and minorities when it comes to learning in general.

Seems so simple. I think about my own life and how many things I quit because I didn’t have a growth mindset, like the guitar for example. I wasn’t concerned with learning or getting better over time. I just wanted the praise. The money. The reward. The fame. Just give it to me now!

Looking back, I was always told how smart I was from as early as I can remember. Maybe I was too smart for my own good because it gave me nowhere to go. I mean, what’s left when you’re a genius at 4 and 5 years old? How about if someone had told me that I had a great ability to learn? That I knew how to work hard and stick with a project till I figured it out? That my brain was evolving like a superhero every time I overcame a challenge? It’s what I will tell my girls from now on.

Do you over praise your kids?

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Netflix's 'Step Sisters' is a Lesson in What's Off Limits

January 24, 2018, 6:20 am

≫ Next: THANK YOU is the Bridge From Where You Are Now to the Life of Your Dreams

≪ Previous: Instead of Over Praising Your Kids Try Adopting THIS Game Changing Mindset

Megalyn Echikunwoke & Naturi Naughton

By Mwabi Kaira

I didn’t see the trailer for Step Sisters, a Netflix original film starring Megalyn Echikunwoke and Naturi Naughton when it hit the internet weeks ago but I heard the uproar. Black folks said no, nope, nah son, not today, and stop the madness to the storyline of a Black sorority president teaching a white sorority to step in order to save their chapter. The message was clear; leave our stuff alone and stop appropriating all we hold so dear.

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I came home Friday night with no plans and as saw a tweet from Lena Waithe announcing that Step Sisters was now streaming on Netflix and she wanted honest feedback on it. Turns out she executive produced the project. I was intrigued given the uproar and Lena’s obvious wokeness and how these two facts reconciled. Lena says,

“It was like putting a black woman in a position where she’s a little bit of a fish out of water and having to teach a group of white women how to do something that may come a little more naturally to black people. I thought it was really interesting and really cool.”

Sounded like a good enough reason for me so I pressed play and was laughing within minutes and stayed laughing throughout the movie.

Now, before you revoke my black card I must inform you that I attended a predominately white institution and related to that aspect of the movie. I have heard the questions asked about black greek life just as they were asked in Step Sisters. I noticed that folks who attended HBCU’s didn’t find anything funny about the movie and the consensus on the internet was that this would never happen. They felt that the interactions in Step Sisters were forced and overdone. Characters like the white hotep boyfriend overcompensating his white guilt was typical and the internet really did not like the black woman putting aside her hard work to save the needy white woman scenario played out once again.

Step Sisters

I did not grow up in the US and have assimilated into a black American woman and know that there are things that are off limits that I can only understand fractions of from afar. Black greek life is one of these things. In college a few people asked me if I was pledging and I had no idea what they were talking about. Of course they educated me on it but I had no interest. Not because it wasn’t fascinating and has life long benefits but because this was a family thing rooted in long histories that I knew nothing of. Parents groom their children to become members of their sororities and fraternities to keep tradition going. There has been interest from potential suitors whose interest immediately dwindled once they discovered I was not a member of a sorority. I am cool with this because greek life is not ingrained in me.

Netflix made a comedy, Step Sisters, but perhaps they would have been better off like me, knowing that this was off limits. You would have thought their 2017 movie Burning Sands about hazing would have tipped them off but no, they kept going. To be fair Step Sisters was written by Chuck Hayward (Dear White People, Straight Outta Compton), directed by Charles Stone (Drumline) and co-produced by Ben Cory Jones (Insecure) so it wasn’t like a white dude imagined a black story about how black people spoke and acted and made it happen. So to be really fair, Netflix is not to blame at all. Step Sisters had the formula to make comedy magic.

Now will there ever be a movie or a show about black greek life that is accepted or will it always be viewed under a microscope and analyzed to the tiniest of details? A reality show called Sorority Sisters was yanked off the air with a quickness years ago because folks didn’t want this portrayal of black womanhood in a sorority to taint the masses. It’s okay for black women who are in sororities to be on reality shows but it’s out of the question for there to be a show about black sororities. Got it. BET’s The Quad, a television show about a fictional HBCU had actual HBCU President, William Harvey of Hampton University pen a letter about the bogus representation. This is not a game and the message is clear; you can’t speak on black greek life if you’re not in it, you can’t speak on the HBCU experience if you didn’t attend one, and a movie depicting either is off limits and should not be attempted.

Have you seen Step Sisters? Share your thoughts!

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THANK YOU is the Bridge From Where You Are Now to the Life of Your Dreams

January 24, 2018, 6:36 am

≫ Next: 5 YouTube Videos That Will Inspire You to Do Your Own Box Braids

≪ Previous: Netflix's 'Step Sisters' is a Lesson in What's Off Limits

You could also say, “Gratitude is the bridge from being ‘you,’ to being HER.” It’s the bridge to your new world.

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Commit to silently repeating ‘thank you’ to yourSELF for the rest of the day. Say it as you walk to the car, while you wait in line, while you pretend to listen to your co-worker, while you check your hurr in the bathroom mirror.

Repeat it non-stop, loop it, and when you notice you’ve stopped, smile and pick that mug right back up! The more you say it, the more you feel it— especially if you silently but excitedly shout it to yourSELF. Try that, now...

... you feel that? That’s it. That’s all you have to feel. That’s all you have to do. Just this. I promise you’ll see positive feedback from your environment today, but if you keep it up for the rest of the month, you’ll be DM’ing me your testimony. #BeHerNow

p.s. This mantra (or any other one) isn't making things happen, it’s not ‘attracting’ or ‘manifesting’ your good. It's just calming and focusing the thoughts and thus bringing the background awareness (the SELF, God, the Divine) to the foreground. This background awareness is the source of all— it already is ‘that,’ it already is ‘HER’ and every and anything else you could ever want to have or be. It is that ‘current of joy moving through you.' Silently repeating ‘thank you’ is just one way to experience this background awareness. It’s just one of many ways to experience and be your true SELF.

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5 YouTube Videos That Will Inspire You to Do Your Own Box Braids

January 25, 2018, 7:48 am

≫ Next: 7 Things We Learned About Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys on CBS This Morning

≪ Previous: THANK YOU is the Bridge From Where You Are Now to the Life of Your Dreams

By Siraad Dirshe via Essence.com

Protective style season is in full swing. Box braids are a no-brainer when it comes to protecting your strands against winter's harsh temperatures, mainly for their ease and longevity. For many of us, getting our favorite braided style involves several hours in a chair and a triple-digit price tag. However, we've noticed and heard more Black women opting to do their own braids.

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7 Things We Learned About Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys on CBS This Morning

January 25, 2018, 7:48 am

≫ Next: We’re Not Dismissing Monique Because We Don’t Like Her, We Always Criticize Black Women’s Feelings

≪ Previous: 5 YouTube Videos That Will Inspire You to Do Your Own Box Braids

Photo of Swizz Beatz & Alicia King via CBS This Morning

By Erickka Sy Savané

Let's face it, we all put our best face forward when it comes to how we present our relationships to the public. When it comes to celebs, that may be even more true because they're under the microscope. We watch their every move, and sometimes lose it when they break up. Mary J. and Kendu, Jessie Williams and Aryn Drake Lee, Mariah and Nick Cannon, anyone? So one question we might ask is how do some celeb couples make it work? Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys spoke to Gayle King in their first interview together on CBS This Morning (this morning). With lots of laughs and goo-goo eyes, we were able to get a sense of how they keep their light shining!

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1) They never raise their voices at each other.
After 8 years together the couple revealed they've never had a heated argument! So how do they approach sensitive topics? According to what they told Gayle, they communicate by saying, "I wanna talk to you about something." (Worth a try, right?)

2) Swizz is not intimidated by Alicia's power.
"You know, a lot of men are scared of powerful women. Right? And so I know she's powerful, and she's been powerful way before – before she even got here she was powerful," Beatz said to Gayle. (Right on, bro!)

3) Making music is a family affair.
One key that seems to keep this family strong is music. Son Genesis, though only 7, made headlines when he created a beat for one of rapper Kendrick Lamar's albums. Beatz said. "It was epic….I don't even have a track on Kendrick's album. I was jealous." (When your mom has won 14 Grammy's and your dad is a world-renowned producer, it kinda comes with the territory!)

4) Healthy competition?
When Gayle asked if the two share healthy competition Alicia answered, "You know, I would say no, because I feel that one of the things that really works about us is we're very different. Even his style of music is different from my style of music….We complement each other as opposed to kind of ever in each other's way….We don't rock like that."

5) Swizz is brutally honest.
So how do they make beautiful music in and out of the studio? "Swizz is brutally honest," laughs Alicia. "Sometimes I have to ask him, '"Babe, could you, like, be a little sweeter with the way you gave that to me?"

6) Alicia roots for him!

"I was so excited," Keys said of learning he wanted to attend Harvard. "I've been so invested in this journey with him….For the first time – I'll never forget. We were literally in this room when he got the letter of acceptance. And it was, like, such a moment, because it was so powerful. Like, this dream that he had to do this. By the way, in order to do that, there's a lot that's required to even be accepted. He can't just be like, 'hey, I'm coming in.'" (Swizz was rejected from Harvard a few times before being accepted and eventually, earned a business degree!)

7) Swizz wants more kids.

When asked if a daughter is in their future, both laugh, with Swizz acknowledging that he'd very much like a daughter, and Alicia admitting that while "it would be a blessing" she's not ready. Nonetheless, they have two sons, Egypt 8, and Genesis who is 3.

What are your keys to a healthy relationship?

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We’re Not Dismissing Monique Because We Don’t Like Her, We Always Criticize Black Women’s Feelings

January 25, 2018, 7:49 am

≫ Next: This Doctor is Using Social Media to Raise Awareness About Black Skincare Issues

≪ Previous: 7 Things We Learned About Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys on CBS This Morning

Monique via IG

By Michelby Coco Whitehead

Malcolm X was right; the Black woman in the most disrespected person in America. 2018 is coming off as the year to play aloof to the concerns of Black women. According to some, Ciara deserves backlash for asking women to value themselves more, Amara la Negra needs to assimilate and stop talking about colorism, and Monique needs to shut up and be happy Netflix offered her $500,000… I’m sorry, but where was everyone when Oprah said speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have? I’m just asking.

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To support her opinion of why Netflix should offer her just as much as her male and white female counterparts, Monique said that she is “the most decorated comedian alive” when appearing on Sway’s Universe. I’m going to be honest with you and admit I had never heard the word ‘decorated’ used in that context, so I Googled it and here’s what I found:

Is Monique the most decorated? I really don’t know, and I don’t have time to research the décor. However, I do think she is a talented woman and half a million dollars is an insult for someone who has achieved what she’s achieved, no matter how long ago The Parkers aired, no matter if Queens of Comedy had other comediennes on the ticket, or if she deserved the Oscar for her performance in Precious. At this stage in my life, there are certain pay rates and situations I will not entertain because I am beyond what is being presented to me. Much like Monique’s alleged decorations, my credentials and self-esteem are valid reasons for me to not accept certain crap. What sensible human being doesn’t feel that way?

Monique Ocar Win for the movie Precious

Will I be boycotting Netflix? Nope. But I do believe that Monique’s decision to stand up for herself based on what she knows about her accolades is valid, just like my friend Keisha feels about why certain employers choose to hire people who look like Kelly Bundy with the brains of Kelly’s nail polish.

We have got to stop turning a deaf ear to the message just because we don’t like the messenger. Intelligent people know how to think critically. They eat the meat and throw away the bones. (Maybe I shouldn’t have said meat; we criticize people for not going vegan these days as well! See how this whole being dismissive thing is getting out of control?) Monique might be crazy, but she’s not hallucinating. There is a problem with Black women getting what they truly deserve in Hollywood and life in general. Did we not see the superb success of Girls Trip last summer and how it later got snubbed at the Golden Globes? Okay, I thought so. Seek to understand if you wish to be understood. That is all. Now can we stop going off on Monique?

Do you support Monique?

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This Doctor is Using Social Media to Raise Awareness About Black Skincare Issues

January 26, 2018, 6:30 am

≫ Next: Is LaVar Ball the GOAT Dad or Pimping His Kids for His Own Fame?

≪ Previous: We’re Not Dismissing Monique Because We Don’t Like Her, We Always Criticize Black Women’s Feelings

Dr. Adeline N. via IG

By Kanisha Parks

Dr. Adeline N., a Resident Physician at the Corpus Christi Bay Area Dermatology Program in South Texas, is the creator of @brownskinderm, an Instagram account focused on providing vital information about how to properly care for and treat skin of color. Brown Skin Derm is a top resource for skin of color, literally jam-packed with information about brown skin—including topics such as identifying and maintaining your skin type, product suggestions, addressing skin concerns like acne, skin lightening/brightening, rosacea, psoriasis, lupus, and much more!

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Dr. Adeline started Brown Skin Derm to shift the narrative from just caring about what makeup we put on our skin to also understanding it in order to better care for it. She says,

"Our communities have lots of unaddressed skin and hair conditions coupled with the lack of access to medical expertise related to their dermatologic needs. It is my hope that this platform will educate the public and help them better articulate their skin issues to their physicians and more importantly, equip them to seek the proper professional care from dermatologists.”

She also aims to shed light on skin stereotypes and misconceptions in the black community, such as the impression that non-Caucasian people are immune to skin cancer and the detrimental effects of skin bleaching. For example, many people are often shocked to learn that the death of iconic musician Bob Marley was actually due to an aggressive form of melanoma: acral lentiginous melanoma, to be specific. What was dismissed as a soccer injury under his toenail turned out to be a skin cancer that caused the death of an extremely talented musician at the young age of just 36. His story serves as a reminder of the importance of the need for both medical providers and the public to be educated about skin cancer and skin of color.

Dr. Adeline shares,

“Like many people in our community, I had grown up erroneously believing darker skin conferred immunity to skin cancers, thereby making the need for sunscreen pointless. Unfortunately, this uninformed perception is not only limited to darker skinned patients but also some physicians who share the same inaccurate beliefs.

I also remember as a child growing up in West Africa, witnessing the pervasive culture of skin bleaching to address legitimate disorders of hyperpigmentation but also as an affirmative rejection of darker skin in favor of a much lighter and cosmetically appealing skin tone. My college experience was a true melting pot of cultures. Interacting with my friends there from other cultural backgrounds such as West Indians, Jamaicans, Asians, and more, I learned the culture of skin bleaching was not unique to my experience as an African but theirs as well. Having knowledge of the harmful chemicals being utilized in these bleaching creams today and their side effects, I felt I needed to do more to bring awareness to these and other skin issues."

As a dermatologist in training, I have more knowledge than the general public of the dermatologic issues affecting the average person. It became increasingly hard to ignore some these misconceptions about skin care or the approach to treating skin conditions in our community. In reflecting on past experiences addressing my own dermatologic issues, I had to be honest in that I delayed seeking professional help and had a do-it-yourself mentality for most of my skin concerns very much to my own detriment.”

Dr. Adeline hopes to change these and other fallacious attitudes regarding skin health in people of color, starting with implementing basic habits like wearing sunscreen daily, removing makeup at night, cleaning your makeup brushes, keeping your hands off of your face, and making sure to seek professional help for specific skin concerns. Your skin is of utmost importance and it’s your responsibility to learn how properly maintain it.

Dr. Adeline N.

Stay tuned for future skin-related posts featuring her expert advice and in the meantime, follow @brownskinderm on Instagram!

How much time do you spend on caring for your skin?

Kanisha is a Christian writer/author based in Augusta, GA. Other than CurlyNikki.com, she has also written for BlackNaps.organd Devozine, and has authored a book of poetry entitled, "Love Letters from the Master." Kanisha can be contacted for business inquiries at kanishaparks@gmail.com

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Is LaVar Ball the GOAT Dad or Pimping His Kids for His Own Fame?

January 26, 2018, 6:40 am

≫ Next: When Do You Feel Comfortable Holding Hands?

≪ Previous: This Doctor is Using Social Media to Raise Awareness About Black Skincare Issues

LiAngelo, LaVar, Lonzo & LaMelo

By Solomani

“My son is better than Stephen Curry!"
“My son will only play for the Lakers!"
Wow, what a Dad! How I wish my Dad would have believed in me like that. How I wish my Dad would have trusted me enough to put himself out there like that!
“In my heyday I would have beaten Michael Jordan one-on-one!!!”
Wait a minute...this guy averaged two points (as in 1, 2) a game in college! Why would he speak such nonsense? This smells of shameless self-promotion and it makes me wonder if LaVar Ball, dad to ballers Lonzo, LiAngelo, and LaMelo, really loves his kids, or if he's just pimping them for his own fame?

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On one hand, I must admit that LaVar Ball looks like the GOAT (The Greatest Of All Time) dad who sacrificed for his sons. He has been present and hands-on with his kids, patiently and faithfully instilling in them his love and knowledge of a game that already made his older Lonzo a millionaire at twenty years of age, with the other two well on their way. Given the endemic rate of divorce and its aftermath of single-family disasters in this country, we can’t take that kind of dedication for granted. And when LiAngelo got grounded by UCLA after his lapse of judgement in China (Ryan Lochte during the Olympics in Brazil anyone?), and almost became a political pawn between the school and President Trump, and in the process was in danger of his talents rotting away, LaVar did what a loving father would do: get him out of there!

LaMelo & LiAngelo in Lithuania (AP Photo/Mindaugas Kulbis, File)

Furthermore, he found LiAngelo and his 16-year-old son LaMelo a professional club in Lithuania, AND is about to start coaching them in their new club! LaVar die-hard fans will tell you that his antics are just a form of publicity to raise his boys profile and they will point to Lonzo as the positive proof of that strategy: the kid got officially introduced as the face of the Lakers by Magic Johnson himself before the season even got started!

To them LaVar Ball belongs to the Dad Hall Of Fame, along with the likes of Joe Jackson who brought us the Jackson 5, and Janet, Richard Williams who, broadcasting straight outta Compton, televised his global tennis revolution through the lenses of two black diamonds: Venus and Serena.

LaVar on WWE Raw

Yeah but...protests the other side of my brain, what’s up with that endless self-promotion though? What’s up with that ridiculous WWE wrestling match? Why is he wrestling now? Now that his kids have the spotlight on them? Also did you watch their reality show 'Ball in the Family?' LaVar is all over the place while everybody else is struggling to catch a glimpse of camera shine. Did you see him arriving at the airport in Lithuania? You would have sworn he was the one playing. And borderline disturbing is him openly criticizing Lonzo’s coach publicly when his son IS very much STRUGGLING to find his game with the Lakers? Is he trying to sabotage him? Get him fired?

Phew! One thing for sure is that the man is polarizing, and both sides of my brain are responding accordingly with claws dug into their positions and I must say they both have a very strong case.

Time to bring in the Referee….

In his book 30 Lessons for Loving, Karl Pillemer, Ph.D. gerontologist at Cornell University asks over 1500 elders for advice, and one that sticks out is: don’t sacrifice your relationship for your kids. To which I’ll add: don’t sacrifice your goals, your dreams, for your kids.

We live in a culture that worships the notion of self-sacrifice, from the finest to the bravest via such shows as CNN hero of the year, along with those parents that we all hear about, these zombie-like martyrs who sacrifice everything, all their hopes and dreams, for their kids. Obviously, the concept of self-sacrifice in itself is commendable. It speaks to our higher self, to the nobility of the human spirit and I certainly don’t want to be insensitive to anyone’s pain, but I’m saying in many cases, especially in the parent-kid dynamic, it’s the easy way out. I’m saying the goal as parents is not to “sacrifice” for your kids- nobody wakes up in the morning like- "Whoohoo, I can’t wait to sacrifice for my kids today!!!!" The goal as parents is to raise your kids to be independent, self-realized grown ups, by being an independent, self-realized person yourself. And LaVar did that.

So the referee says, “LaVar loves his kids like crazy, but he’s also gotta get his too!”

What do you think? Is LaVar Ball the GOAT dad or using his sons for his own fame?

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When Do You Feel Comfortable Holding Hands?

January 26, 2018, 6:49 am

≫ Next: Stay Tuned!

≪ Previous: Is LaVar Ball the GOAT Dad or Pimping His Kids for His Own Fame?

Victor Cruz & Karrueche Tran

By Veronica Wells

A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an image of Karrueche Tran and Victor Cruz holding hands. For some reason the image caught me off guard. For several reasons really. One, I thought Karrueche was still dating Quavo, and Victor Cruz was still with the mother of his child. And most importantly, the two were holding hands.

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I know that on the spectrum of things two people can do with their body parts, holding hands is ranked pretty low on the scale. Still, the image made me wonder. Have they been together long enough to feel comfortable holding hands? Which then made me wonder if I was tripping. To me, the idea of holding hands is intimate, it’s a joining, an interlocking and a public declaration of your union. I can’t remember the exact moment but I know it took a bit of time before I felt comfortable holding my boyfriend’s hand in public. Not because I didn’t want to send a message of oneness just yet but also, generally, when a man and woman hold hands, the man kind of takes the lead, he steers and guides. I’m sure this will sound dramatic to some, but I didn’t feel comfortable being led by someone I didn’t know and therefore couldn’t trust. And I know obviously other people don’t place that much stock or value on the display.

So I decided to ask other people at what point in their relationships did they feel comfortable and whether or not it represented something deeper for them.

The responses varied.

Alicia shared that she held hands with her husband on their second date but admitted that holding hands with someone you’re not entirely feeling does make you feel trapped. There was something to that trapped thing. Another friend shared that she came back from her first date visibly disturbed as she recounted the man reaching over to hold her hand as they sat in the movie theater. I knew where she was coming from. Too much, too soon.

Other people spoke about holding hands when the circumstances called for it.

Stacy said her second date with a man took place at a packed club, with music blaring. Throughout their night together, her date held her hand, guiding her through the room. It was a gesture she could appreciate, a sign of chivalry. With another man, Stacy talked about holding hands (inside), after years of G-chat messages, texts and phone calls.

Inside? When I first posed the question about hand holding, I didn’t think about the distinction between holding hands inside vs outside, but my friend Opal was able to put it into perspective.

“I’m not really big on PDA (Public Displays of Affection)...I appreciate it more in private. I like holding hands in bed. I think it has to do with my comfort levels. I’m way more extroverted and open at home. I would say I feel comfortable doing it when I’ve had vulnerable conversations with the person.”

Then I asked my mom. And like with most learned behaviors, I could trace my thoughts on hand holding back to her. First, as an aside, she mentioned that when she and my father first started dating, he didn’t like to hold hands because he didn’t want anyone to know his business. (Considering my parents met and began dating when they worked together, I could see how this would be an issue.)

Thankfully, his hesitancy wasn’t a problem for my mom either. “I didn’t want to do any of that until I was sure of a man’s feelings for me. All of that is putting yourself out there and you just don’t know.”

Ultimately, my conversations confirmed what I already knew to be true, we’re different. Everything ain’t for everybody, and we all move on our own timetables.

When do you feel comfortable holding hands? Does it represent something deep and intimate for you?

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Stay Tuned!

January 26, 2018, 7:22 am

≫ Next: A Natural Hair ONLY Salon Owner Gives Us The Skinny on Why She Switched!

≪ Previous: When Do You Feel Comfortable Holding Hands?

back filming with the homie! #StayTuned

Hola Chicas!

It's Friday!!!!! And after a quick trip to NYC and back, I'm checking in with you to see what's popping for the weekend! Epsom salt baths and pinot noir are definitely in the forecast over here!

Continue!>>>

This $20 dollar skirt, tho!

Make sure you follow me on IG for daily updates and #BeHerNow inspiration!

Love ya!

Nik

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A Natural Hair ONLY Salon Owner Gives Us The Skinny on Why She Switched!

January 29, 2018, 7:04 am

≫ Next: Get Ready With Zara: See How She Gets Her Signature Look!

≪ Previous: Stay Tuned!

Curls on fleek at The Loft Hair Studio

By Erickka Sy Savané

I must admit, when I hear of natural hair only salons, my first thought is, are there enough customers to sustain it and what can it offer Naturalistas, the queens of DIY? So when mom of four, and natural hair salon owner (The Loft Hair Studio) Sharita Payton reached out to CurlyNikki to chat natural hair, we figured it would be a great opportunity to ask her some pressing (get it) questions?

Here's what this stylist of 20 + years had to say about switching her salon from all-purpose to natural hair only, whether she received backlash, and what she has to offer natural-haired women!

Continue

Sharita Payton is a Church Girl!

Why did you switch to natural hair exclusively?

As a Hairstylist I see it all. I've always worked with a variety of textures, and although my clientele consisted of majority Naturals I had a good amount of relaxed and texlaxed clients. There was a big difference between my natural clients and relax clients, and even though I was always cautious with both... my relax client's hair sustained more breakage and scalp issues.

The research of the affects of relaxers are concerning as a stylist not to mention the more "relax" Clients I service the more I am exposed to the chemical even though I don't relax my hair.
The most important reason I would say I shifted my business is helping more women of color to embrace their natural textures. I feel the biggest reason we don't is the fear of the unknown. Most of us are not sure what our natural texture is or what to do with it. I get people who sit in my chair and say they don't even know what their natural hair looks like because their parents started relaxing their hair at 10, 11, 12 years of age. Many can only go based off of childhood pictures which is very telling of where we come from.

Do you find that there is a need for women to learn about their natural hair?

Yes, most definitely! As I stated most are fearful of the unknown. The best satisfaction as a Natural Stylist is when I'm able to help educate a client on their hair texture/type and how to better care for their hair. The thanks and appreciation I receive is encouraging and motivates me to continue. The biggest thing I can say is to make sure you are patient and consistent! If so, you will win the "battle or struggles" that we tend to associate with our natural texture.

Did you see a decline or rise in clients after switching to natural hair exclusively?

It has actually been a rise! Women, especially women of color, are looking for a Stylist who not only styles hair but someone who can educate them on how to care for their hair outside of the salon- especially Naturals, who tend to do many services at home.

The Loft Hair Studio Clients

Did you receive any backlash from clients for your switch?
I really focus on "healthy hair" in general, so I get quite a few referrals coming to me whether it be relaxed or natural. I had to turn a few people away, which was hard, but I explained to them my purpose and vision. So, over all, I received very little backlash. The little did not make me think for a second that I was heading in the wrong direction. Actually, the more I began to share my mission and goals as a Natural Stylist the more great feedback I received. The biggest question was "Why..."

To that I answer...it's never been about the money for me it's always been about my clients and me trying to serve and please them better... always! And the more I began to research, attend classes and experiment the more knowledgeable I became and so yes there had to be a change and shift as a stylist! I'm always researching and educating myself concerning natural hair for three reasons- I'm natural, my daughters are natural, the majority of my clients are Natural.

How do you get the word out that your salon is for Naturals?
Social media and word of mouth. Also because I'm Natural and I wear it proudly, many people stop me and ask questions about my natural hair.

Deva Curl is where it's at!

What do you offer natural haired women as a salon?
I'm Deva Inspired, soon to be Rezo certified. I offer Curly Cuts, Curl detoxification (reset), Curl Refreshers, Twist outs, Braid outs, Rod sets, Roller sets, Up-do's, Basic Braiding styles with added hair or without, Silk Press, Color and more.

Do you see many clients going back to relaxed hair?
Honestly no. Over the 20 years of being a stylist... 9 times out of 10 the clients who decided to relax their hair usually regret it and decide to transition and/or big chop again, from my experience. For some people relaxed hair is easier to maintain, but (most not all) people are left with thinner, unhealthy hair. I will add that there are a few of my clients whose hair has thrived with a relaxer, but that has not been the majority.

How much of your clientele is non-black women with curls?
This is probably one of the best and biggest shifts/changes in my business. My clientele has shifted completely and now I service all women with curls/textured hair. Caucasian, Indian, Moroccan, Ethiopian, Brazilian and more. Still predominantly Black, but I believe it will continue to shift. Once I was afraid to service anyone other than hair like mine because I always thought someone else could do their hair better... obviously that has since gone out the window. I have and continue to educate myself so that I'm able to service all women with curls no matter the color or race with confidence!

Sharita (and her models) presenting hairstyles inspired by the 60's for Black History Month in Providence, RI.

What's the best part of owning a salon? What's the most challenging? The best part of owning a salon is having a flexible schedule because I'm a mother of four beautiful children not to mention a pastor's wife (Plymouth Rock Holiness Church) and it's my passion!
The most challenging part of owning a salon is finding balance because it's something that I'm very passionate about! Also because I'm the owner I have to work "on" the business as well as "in" the business. When I'm not "in" the business working... I'm working "on" the business which can spill over into other things. I'm working on establishing boundaries and making myself "not" available when with my family.

Any final words?
No matter your Curl or Texture... Own it! The more you love on your hair/texture the more your hair will respond in a positive way. If you don't take the time to "learn" your hair you will never master it. And that means taking the weaves and protective styles out... yes I said it.

Occasionally, yes, protective styles are okay, but take them out and take time to learn and care for your natural hair. It will thank you for it.