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Get Ready With Zara: See How She Gets Her Signature Look!

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Zara

If you've been watching fabulous natural hair vlogger Zara for a while you've probably said to yourself, "Gee, her makeup looks great!" Well, Zara's gonna take you behind-the-scenes to see exactly how she gets her look! And don't you just love that baby blue?!?







Today, I Stand as HER. #BeHerNow #Day 1

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Breathe in slowly from your heart, and feel every muscle in your body melt as you exhale through your open mouth. Let everything go. Feel your shoulders relax down from your ears. Let everything be, as it is. Feel your stomach muscles release. Become aware of the body breathing, slowly, deeply.
Now, straighten up that posture, shoulders back, chin up. SMILE, diva!

Feel that?! That’s your real energy— joyful, light, relaxed, flowing... Go(o)d. You might feel it in your stomach or your chest or even in your toes! Even if you only feel it a little bit, place your attention (like a spotlight) on whatever goodness you do feel, and watch it become more noticeable...seemingly stronger. When you’re feeling this energy you are no longer being ‘you' you are ‘HER’ and everything that comes with it— HER life, confidence, success, love, abundance. In each moment you can either choose (1) ‘old you’ and more of the same, or (2) HER, and the path to your best life. Keep smiling.

This is Day 1 of your decision to sustain this energy. Your preferred energy. Your soul energy. HER energy.

And if you continue to stand as HER, to choose HER (aware of and marinating in this uncaused joy), things get wild. Negativity can’t touch you. Toxic people fall back. Shit situations resolve themselves. Dope opportunities find you. Versions of your long forgotten dreams start coming true. Your past loses all of its power over your present— you become limitless... powerful. Your life becomes unrecognizable — and all because of the simple decision to finally smile and be yourSELF. #BeHerNow #Day1 #BackOnYourPath

Will you commit?

In a notebook, write down who SHE is. What does she do? How does she feel? What does she have in her life? And as you go through your day, feeling the joy, know that you are THAT, you are HER, already. The inner feeling becomes the outer experience.

Wigging Out! 8 Reasons to Wig It...

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ElleforLexxi
By Kanisha Parks

We always talk about the versatility of natural hair but wigs—now that’s versatility! I mean there is literally a wig in every style, color, texture, and length you can imagine! We even have box braid wigs, ya’ll. Not only that, but wigs can be purchased with synthetic or human hair, and in a variety of types: lace fronts, hand tied, monofilaments, half wigs, custom wigs, etc. There are also beautiful wigs with natural textures by brands like HerGivenHair and KinkyCurlyYaki.

Many women choose wigs as their protective style of choice, and some women wear them on a daily basis. Even besides the proven benefits of protective styling, there are several reasons why wigs are a go-to. Here's 8!

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1. Length retention! For many naturals who choose to wear wigs, this is the reason. The length retention from wearing wigs is incredible! There’s definitely something to be said about leaving your hair alone and letting it grow. Since wigs are such a low manipulation style, you’re eliminating obstacles that keep you from retaining length, such as breakage, dryness, tangles, and split ends. YouTuber ElleforLexxi shares that her natural hair has grown a lot from wearing wigs. Check out her hair’s progress towards the end of the video:



2. You can still have complete access to your hair. Unlike other long term protective styles such as box braids or sew-ins, wigs give you complete access to your hair/scalp. You can take your wig off when you get home and let it breathe! You can still wash and condition your hair each week and/or oil your scalp with no problems. By keeping your hair clean and moisturized underneath your wig, you can maintain and promote thickness in your hair while rocking your wig.

3. They’re a great way to “test the water.” Like I said, wigs can come in any style you want, so when you’re considering cutting or coloring your hair, sometimes it’s better to just try a wig out first, especially if you tend to be either indecisive or impulsive. Plus, when it comes to natural hair, coloring is a big deal and can have potentially cumbersome consequences if not done correctly. The right wig might have you change your mind. You’ll be able to maintain the health of your hair while still being able to switch up your look whenever you feel like it.

4. They’ll give you time to bounce back. If you’re suffering from any type of hair damage or have recently had a setback in your journey, or hair loss due to chemotherapy, stress or genetics, wigs are a great option to give your hair a much needed break and help it properly recover, as they require minimum manipulation. What’s important is that you baby your hair and scalp and maintain a healthy hair regimen underneath your wigs.

5. The convenience! I don’t know about you but for me, there’s nothing better than not having to do your hair all the time! Plus, it’s good to know that you’ll have a great hair day instead of not always being able to predict how your hairstyle will turn out. Elise of TwinGodesses is a proud wig wearer and says it’s all about convenience: “There’s a huge misconception that’s been going around in the natural hair community that Naturals who choose to wear protective styles like wigs don’t necessarily like our hair or maybe it’s our texture or our length and that’s not true. The reason I don’t wear my hair out that often is really because I’m just lazy!”


6. It can cure texture envy. Many of us have been there before, wishing you had someone else’s hair? Well sis, you gotta work with what the good Lord gave you but it’s nice to know that with wigs, you can test drive any texture you want! The options are endless and it’s fun to branch out and experiment with different types of wigs.

Cosplayer Mica Burton
7. Cosplay! For women who love to costume play, the right wig can definitely take your costume to the next level. It’s fun to be expressive in this way without having to damage your real hair in the process.

8. Because I feel like it! You obviously don’t need a reason to wear wigs! It’s your hair and you are entitled to wear it how you want to, without being concerned about what anyone else thinks.

Also, important to note, if you choose to wear wigs for any reason make sure to properly care for your scalp!

Do you love to wig it? Tell us why!

Kanisha is a Christian writer/author based in Augusta, GA. Other than CurlyNikki.com, she has also written for BlackNaps.organd Devozine, and has authored a book of poetry entitled, "Love Letters from the Master." Kanisha can be contacted for business inquiries at kanishaparks@gmail.com 

Underboob-Who Wore It Best? Beyonce or Russell Westbrook?

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                  Beyonce vs. Russell Westbook

By Solomani

To the left, Ms. Bootylicious-in-chief.
Bee type personality. Fierce.
Velvet curves meet Iron will meet very high heels, she don’t compete no mo.’

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Beyonce GQ Magazine
Now she télé-competes, meaning her halo is so powerful she can get others to do her pushups. Remember how Kanye went after Taylor like he asked her out and she said no? Or when Solange battered a baffled Jay-Z in the elevator, and man-handled him as if she was a boy? Exactly!
So if you feel like your déja-vue is having déjà-vues you are totally right, for you have seen her many many times before. Without anymore delay! I’m gonna say her name!!
BE-YON-CE!!!


And now for the challenger...
The good Lord was in a basketball state of mind when He made him. Almost got drafted by NASA because of his stratospheric vertical leap. He is the $233 million dollar dunking machine, the only player in the history of the NBA to play one against five because he NEVER passes the ball, doesn’t have to. A competitive beast who once challenged his own shadow to a game of one-on-one and won. Alpha of all alphas, all he needs is one ball...Ladies and gentlemen meet the One, the Only, the Russell, the WESTBROOK!!!!!!!!

Now both are at the top of their game on the stage, the court, and the catwalk. And it was just a matter of time before these two titans would go head-to-head in a very risqué game of “Underboob-who wore it best?”

                                         CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENT SECTION!

Tell It Tues: Natural Born Cheaters? Men & the Stigma That Haunts Good Ones

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Jay-Z on CNN with Van Jones
By Ta-ning Connai

If Beyonce can get cheated on, what kind of hope is left for us mere mortals? I mean, her name probably stands for Sexy Singing Goddess of Music and Dance! Yet all that amazing mix of talent, beauty and love didn't stop Jay-Z from committing the devastating act that he openly addressed in this past weekend’s interview with CNN’s Van Jones. I am HIGHLY impressed by the remorse he expressed and his determination to repair the marriage he nearly destroyed. And as much as I'd like to keep having an attitude with him, I have no choice but to finally let it go. Whew, I feel lighter already!

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Jay-Z sits with Van Jones

Are men natural born cheaters? Is the implication true that, "Men will be men, boys will be boys?" The worst defense I ever heard was, "We can't help it, we were born that way." Oh please don't even get me started...Ooops, too late... BORN that way??? So you're telling me that men were, instead of being created to be the Patriarch and head of the family, to honor his wife and be a godly example to his children, were actually created to DESTROY their family with their insatiable sex drive and inability to have control over their animalistic instincts to do whatever they want, so their wives can lose all sense of themselves after all they've sacrificed isn't enough?!!! (Whoa. Ok Ta-ning, take a deep breath). Yeah right, blame it on God, like cheating is part of His magnificent design, so that men bare no accountability for their willful indiscretions. Um no. That's just an excuse for anyone not willing to let God change their heart and renew their minds to His way of engaging in (and maintaining) meaningful, committed relationships.

 It can be done.

I used to know a girl who dated married men for sport. And each time her dreams of "Happily Ever After" never came true (men rarely leave their wives for the side chick), she fully embraced the notion that ALL men are dogs. So one day she goes on a tangent about, you guessed it, all men are dogs. My first evil thought was , "Well, just because you slept with MOST of them doesn't mean you know ALL of them." I know, that's so wrong. So instead, I took the kinder approach and said, "I know it seems like they're all bad, but you just have to meet the ones that don't cheat. " Well, if I knew she was gonna chew me up, spit me out and call me every name including naive, gullible, blind and ridiculous, I would have shut that whole convo down with what I REALLY wanted to say. But I held back because I knew she was bitter from being emotionally battered.

She went on to support her distorted belief with statistics based on all the men she's ever dated, ever been friends with or ever heard about. And even though that pretty much covered the entire planet, I went on to tell her that, although nobody's perfect, there are some men who honor God enough not to intentionally break a woman's heart. It's about finding a man that has accountability and practices discipline; one that doesn't succumb to every impulse he has, especially if it's wrong. The look on her face was one of bewilderment, because I'd rather doubt if she'd ever heard that before. All I hope is that she believed me because I was telling her the absolute truth. All men don't cheat and the ones that do can change too.

So, is the commandment "Thou shall not commit adultery" easier said than done? You bet. In fact, if the attempt to refrain is within one's own strength, it just may be impossible. And with the power of seduction less avoidable these days thanks to technology, the media and butt implants, it can seem downright hopeless to expect your relationship to survive without the stain of infidelity. But here's the good news. God does not command anything He won't help support. He never intended for us to go it alone. His word says that, "...with men it's impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Philippians 4:13). He says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Mark 10:27).

So whether you've been shattered by your father's betrayal against your mother or the reckless wanders of your first true love...there's hope. God can redeem the time and heal your broken heart. He can replace all that was lost and give you reason to trust again. And for the men doing damage, there's even hope for you too. Monogamy is not a punishment, it's a gift. So take that person created just for you and treat them like the prized possession that they are, let God show you how. And when you do, you'll get treated the same and then some. As they say, what goes around comes around!

 Are men natural born cheaters? Can men who cheat change?
TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who one day got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to tear down the walls of churchy tradition, change the face of Christianity, and present it's message in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of BK), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

You'll Love This Easy DIY Ponytail! (No Crochet/No Drawstring)

Why Women No Longer Want The Prayer Ciara Or Any Woman Used To Get A Good Man

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By Lauren R.D. Fox

A few Saturdays ago, New York City found itself with a mild temperature and the Sun gleaming upon it. So, I took that as an opportunity to go to my aqua cycling class. While I journeyed there, I scrolled on Instagram to see what people were up to on The Internets.

As I scrolled the million and one posts about drunk brunches and #LazySaturdays, I saw Ciara posted a 58-second clip from a 50-minute sermon Pastor John Gray orated. The main quote from the sermon that ruffled my and many other women’s feathers was: “Too many women want to be married but you’re walking in the spirit of “girlfriend.” On cue, I rolled my eyes as one thought zoomed back and forth in my mind: “What the f---k does that mean?”

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In an interview with journalist Jacque Reid, Pastor Gray explained that the thesis of his sermon was about women gaining validation from themselves and God, not men. “The premise is that you carry yourself with a level of integrity and with a level of strength and with a level of grace that says, ‘I actually don’t need to be found, to be validated,” he explained.
“A woman who is confident in who she is, she’s connected to God, she’s connected to her source so she doesn’t need validation from a man, she’s got it from God.”
And although I understood his explanation, again, I silently asked in my mind: What the f—k does that mean?

I asked that question because his response to Reid, in my opinion, is problematic. However, I understood his sermon’s intention because I was raised in a Christian household. However, what happens to the women who: A) weren’t raised in the Christian Church B) are agnostic, atheists, demisexual, homosexual, trans or C) identify as Christian but choose to dismantle the ideology of what it means to be a wife? Will we never be married because we don’t fit the iconic Proverbs 31 mold?

Growing up, my Guyanese mother (and other female family members) often related my disobedience, lack of enthusiastically waking up early or not cleaning something immediately to not satisfying a future imaginary husband who I could care less about. With their constant suggestions piling up, my future husband seemed like he had relentless needs and would be extremely annoying. I often questioned my mother and aunts about this: if I am performing wifely duties at such a perfect and high rate what will my husband be doing? To me, he sounded lazy, unwilling and non-committal to making any house a home.

My inquisitive reasoning about this imaginary husband grew when I began to attend Missionettes (think Girl Scouts learning evangelical lessons). My teachers would teach me and other girls about what they thought was the right way to carry yourself as a woman and what was appropriate dating behavior. My childhood friend Tiffany attended these classes with me and we would often debate our teachers about these topics to the point of us asking if the boys in the church were receiving the same advice and/or lessons.

Our teachers couldn’t give us an answer.

When I asked millennial women what they thought about the suffocating relationship advice or guidance they’ve received, they told me that it's usually based on fiction, pressure, and lack of boundaries. Author and journalist Megan Braden-Perry told me advice is no longer needed when a woman reaches a certain age because she’ll know that no two men are the same so it’s better to trust your intuition than navigate dating with rigid circumstantial advice.

Married Health professional Crystal Anderson said the best advice she received was from people who simply shared their personal experiences instead of shoving their ideals onto her. Though she has had friends who’ve experienced the opposite, she believes this issue is rooted in lack of boundaries.

Two marketing interns who recently graduated college shared that they were over being told to be “the best version of themselves” on first dates because that usually meant to be extremely polished and aligned with their date's wants and needs.

Truth be told, what is void in the dating/self-help world for women is the lesson of free will, a topic that doesn’t focus on looks, education, religion or sexual orientation but rather on choices.

Free will is about behaving without heavily relying on the beliefs of fate and destiny. Instead of thinking that a Higher Power will manifest circumstances the way you believe they should, you use your own power to get what you want or what you think you deserve. It's not socializing a gender of people to constantly consult with their families, pastors, prayer partner, astrologer, tarot reader, life coach and therapist about how to make an exclusive, committed, healthy and functioning relationship happen.

It’s not about unnerving dating apps or unavailable men who may make women feel like a relationship is a pot of gold to be found after they go through the maze of murky emotional lows. It doesn't mean you're not ready to be in a relationship just because the object of your affection is not coming at you with lightning-bolt speed to make you his person. And it doesn’t mean that you didn’t do enough spiritual work to attain such a blessing or that your vagina doesn’t have the right tightness, taste or smell.

When we became romantically involved, my boyfriend told me he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone. As much as I felt butterflies for him and loved soaking up the insatiable sex he provided I wasn’t about to play the “Lauren Isn’t Enough” game that I played too many times to admit. I used the opportunity to get to know other men who may have been more aligned with what I wanted. Though, I never received the opportunity to find out if magic could happen with the latter because my boyfriend changed his mind and asked if we can commit to each other and not anyone else. And although our relationship is reminiscent of our favorite Aaliyah song, “Hot Like Fire,” I know my boyfriend (or myself) may change our minds with time; leading us more in love or out of it. But one thing is for certain, those free will choices will probably never have anything to do with how many times I’ve been to church or cooked for him, the moments I hate myself or how many times I find myself curving my back and perching my ass on the dance floor.

Do you use prayer as your main source to finding and maintaining a relationship?
Lauren R.D. Fox is a Guyanese-American pop culture/beauty editor and writer who has an undying love for soca fetes, poulorri, New Orleans and deep conditioners. After graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a dual concentration in American and Black Studies, she became a journalist and social media manager. Lauren has previously written for MadameNoire, Mayvenn Hair, Wetpaint, Enstarz, Her Agenda, Zora Magazine and B.Couleur Magazine. Follow her at @LOLOTHEFOX.

Feeling Down? Read This.

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If you’re triggered, no matter the reason, just watch. Don’t try to feel good or ignore the negative emotion or change your thoughts or behavior...just watch. Watch that body like it doesn’t belong to you— like it is someone else, entirely— like you’re watching a movie... a movie that you just started in the middle, with no context whatsoever about the plot or characters. You have absolutely no idea what’s currently happening on screen, nor do you know what happened previously, or care about what may happen later!

You don’t understand anything you see.  #ACIM

That’s what folks mean by ‘detachment.’ You don’t have to suppress angry emotions or try to smile when you’re sad. You just have to transcend the storyline for a second, watch and remember who you really are beyond the present fuckery— you have to detach or disentangle your real self from the limited self. A few seconds is plenty!

This simple shift in perspective (going from thinking to watching), not only brings up the feels of inner peace and joy, it allows the movie to shift in your favor. That’s the dope side effect. See the movie for what it is. Stay watching. You got this. #BeHerNow

The Fashioning: Your 5 Min. Recap of the Black Panther Premiere & More!

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Lupita Nyong'o at the premiere of Black Panther in Hollywood
Hey Ya'll,

We could all use a little fashion fix once in a while and who better to bring it to us than our girl Taneica, from Tea With Taneica! This media personality, news producer, mommy, wife, friend, tea sipper, and shade thrower who loves Jesus (you know we lifted that from her IG page, go follow it now!) will have you cackling at your desk as she recaps the week's most eye-catching red carpet looks! Up this week is the hot-like-fiyah Black Panther premiere and more! Please like, subscribe and follow Taneica's page, and be on the look out for more of The Fashioning, right here on CN! 






Actress Tiffany Haddish Gets Emo Visiting Eritrean Relatives For The First Time

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Friends Dionne & Precious with Tiffany Haddish in Eritrea via eastAFRO.com
By Mwabi Kaira

I laughed along with millions watching last summer’s blockbuster Girls Trip and discovered breakout star Tiffany Haddish. I didn’t remember seeing her in anything else before this and saw her everywhere after. Her Breakfast Club interview stood out the most to me; she had quite a story to tell that went beyond the jokes. When she said her father was from Eritrea, the small Northeast African country on the red sea coast, I was even more intrigued.

Tiffany Haddish in Girls Trip
Tiffany’s star has continued to rise since Girls Trip, she was the first African-American comedian to host Saturday Night Live, she announced the 2018 Oscar nominations, and recently became Groupon’s spokesperson with a Super Bowl commercial airing this Sunday. Her book, The Last Black Unicorn became a New York Times bestseller. She filmed the movie Night School with Kevin Hart expected this September and I just saw a commercial for a TBS sitcom, The Last O.G starring her, Tracy Morgan, and Cedric the Entertainer.

Tiffany’s father Tsehaye Haddish immigrated to Los Angeles and met her mother. Her parents relationship ended when she was 3 years old, and throughout her very traumatic childhood which included ending up in foster care, Tiffany was looking for her father. She eventually found him as a grown up and unfortunately he passed away right before Girls Trip was released. In January, Tiffany visited Eritrea for the first time to bury her father in his land and to meet and connect with extended family.



Tiffany's interview with Eritrean TV via eastAFRO.com

I watched Tiffany’s interview on Eritrean TV the other day and felt immense pride and joy for her. She had such a connecting experience. She saw people that looked just like her father and herself and was in awe that everybody was black except for the few white people at the hotel. She was welcomed by her family and visited places all over the country including the Red Sea in Massawa. "I felt like my heart was being healed," she says, describing her emotional experience in the Red Sea.
"I've been through a lot of things. I was trying to figure out, 'Who am I?' And now I have a way better understanding of who I am, why I'm on this earth—what my purpose is. I am grateful to know what country I am from without DNA testing. I am thankful that my friends can take DNA tests and find out their ancestry."
Watching Tiffany’s homecoming to Eritrea was like taking the test to another level; she was able to see, feel and experience her people. Tiffany enjoyed her time in Eritrea so much that she has vowed to return and to make sure the world knows about Eritrea. 

Hmmmm....girls trip to Eritrea anyone?

Mwabi Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world.  She is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993.  Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy.  She has been an avid runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon.  Keep up with her athttp://africanbeautifulme.blogspot.com/

Do You Stay Checking Your Phone? Get Smart & Do This Instead.

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There’s an uneasiness in you, a restlessness, that causes you to stay checking your phone. 

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Feel it. It’s a symptom of being ‘disconnected’ from your real SELF and the reason for the ‘delay’ in the manifestation of yo shit.

The next time that urge hits, STOP, and check-in with yourself. What are you waiting on, or hoping for? A life changing email? Your video to go viral? A DM from your crush? What are you needing to happen before you can allow yourself to feel good? You see the issue, right?

The love and excitement you think that DM will bring? It’s already in you, it is you. The security and happiness that email will provide? You are that. YOU are the Source of all the good feels you’re seeking and the moment you accept that and begin living it, the good feels become the good experiences. #ButSeekYeFirstTheKingdomTho

So, consciously connect to and feel the inner joy, peace and happiness, now! Embody those feels, now. Be HER, now. And start using the impulse or urge to check your phone as a reminder to take your power back. Every time you reach for your phone, reach for the inner joy first, then commence scrolling. ️#BeHerNow

Spoil Your Hair With This Deep Conditioning Banana & Honey Hair Smoothie!

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Photo via myeasyrecipes.net
Just when you thought that bananas and honey was just for boosting energy, aiding in digestion, soothing depression, healing wounds, balancing blood sugar and providing a healthy and delicious snack, natural hair vlogger CurlyGaisha does one better and combines these two ingredients to make a delicious deep conditioning hair smoothie! Check out her latest video where she shows us how she uses it to get poppin' curls! Then subscribe to her channel, like her page and just show her some love!

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Abiola Abrams Wears Many Hats & She's Always Naturally Glam!

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Goddess Abiola Abrams 
A lot of people talk-the-talk, but they don't necessarily walk-the-walk. So when someone like Abiola Abrams comes along with a smile that could light up the darkest sky, you know that she's the real deal. Find out how this transformational speaker, author, advice columnist, media personality and Spiritpreneur coach stays motivated, what products she uses on her gorgeous hair, and how her beautiful, afro-wearing Aunt from Guyana influenced her growing up!

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What do you do and why do you love it?
Hi there, Curlies! I love Curly Nikki and I am so honored to be part of this column. I’m Abiola, founder of Womanifesting.com, born in NYC of Guyanese parents. I help spirit-led women leaders - coaches, healers, creative priestesses - to step greater into personal power, reach more people than ever before, and build lives of freedom and abundance. I do this through coaching, courses, award-winning books and affirmation cards, and events, like my 2018 Goddess Pray Love Feminine Power Retreat to Belize.

I say all the time that I have created the BEST job in the world. In the past 12 months, my kinky-curly-coily Afro and I have: led my Abundance Pray Love Retreat in Bali, spoken at the College of Psychic Studies in London, meditated at the Eiffel Tower in Paris, spoken in the Bahamas at the Creativepreneur Summit, and this year’s Goddess Pray Love Retreat to Belize will allow us to work with Garifuna and Mayan healers and bellydance, meditate and pray in the jungle. YES!!


What motivates you?
I think we have a sacred duty to have each other’s backs.
My work - holding space for us to evolve - really is my ministry. My YouTube channel houses my self-love sermons. Every Sunday morning on my Facebook page we have church in Goddess Temple Sunday. In my Facebook groups we pray, meditate and share inspiration in a safe container for creative women, coaches, and healers -- to build their businesses and build their lives. I try to share more than just the fun and highlights on my Instagram (@abiolaTV) because we are all in this together.

I am motivated by the times when I doubted my own worth to do everything that I can to uplift my sisters. If we don’t heal it, we pass it on. When we heal ourselves of our primal wounds, we have the power to heal our ancestors and generations to come.

My great-grandmother was a midwife and women’s fertility healer in Guyana, South America. I am the first person in my family born in the United States. She helped women to give birth to their babies and I help us to give birth to ourselves.

 What's been the best part of your natural hair journey?
I created the African Goddess Affirmation Cards because I couldn’t find any decks that looked like me. These cards feature goddesses from throughout the African diaspora. They also feature beautiful contemporary African goddess art, in all shades of US from cafe au lait to the deepest ebony, with all shades of our hair from tight luscious kinks to bountiful curls.

The fact that people contact me from around the world and say, your African Goddess Affirmation Cards make me feel beautiful inspires me!! This year, a matching journal and second edition is coming.

How did you discover your passion?
My passion has always been there. It just took different forms. I was just having this conversation with one of my coaching clients who expressed feeling overwhelmed at not having everything all figured out. Nobody has it all figured out! As an international retreat leader, Spiritpreneur coach, transformational speaker, media personality and author, it may sound like I do a lot of things, but I only do one thing. I help us to have a voice, to be seen and to be heard. I feel like I was doing the same thing when I was in a rap group when I was 16, when I was hosting TV shows when I was younger, when I was directing art films. It was all the same. My passion is being a “Goddess Spiritpreneur” -- and as corny as that sounds, I am passionate about helping us as women to be who we were born to be.


How has having natural hair contributed to your life? 
We were all taught, “your hair is your crown and glory.” Having eczema on my scalp as a teen made me feel ugly. But actually YOU are your own crown and glory. We are the crown and glory, bald, weave, long hair don’t care, kinky, curly, coily, bobbed straight and everything in between. My free self-love gift for Curly Nikki readers is my Chakras on Fleek Meditation Album:

What products do you use on your hair?
Here are some of the products that I recommend from my hair care regimen:
Pre-Pre-Poo Detangling: Pantene Gold Series Detangling Milk
Pre-Poo: Coconut Oil/Olive Oil
Shampoo: As I Am Coconut Cleansing Conditioner
Conditioner: SheaMoisture® Community Commerce Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Hair Masque
Leave in: Carol's Daughter Almond Milk Leave-in Conditioner
Daily Maintenance: Cantu Shea Butter Curling Creme
Jamaican Black Castor Oil
Styling: Camille Rose Naturals Style Maker
Dark and Lovely Au Naturale Curl Defining Crème Glaze
Carol's Daughter® Black Vanilla Moisture and Shine Hair Smoothie
Natural Hair Clip-Ins: HerGiven Hair


Did you have any positive hair role models growing up?
My beautiful mom and my aunts had these glorious afros back in the day, but I only got to enjoy those in photos. By the 80s, all of the women in my family had jherri curls.

But I have a powerful memory of my Aunt Wendy coming to babysit me on breaks, when she came from Guyana to attend Tuskegee. I didn’t know at the time that she was bullied for her gorgeous ebony skin by the other students, just after the height of the Black Power movement. But when she came to take me out, I was allowed as a toddler to have my hair combed out into an afro like hers. And I got to wear a special sundress called “my Afro dress.” And my Aunt Silvy ALWAYS rocked a stunning, close cropped wash and go fro in colors from midnight to copper.

I look at photos of my mom and aunts in their 70s fros and feel beautiful and invincible. Just this morning, I was about to beat myself up for not having my next book out yet. Then I looked at these women with halo hair and said, “All is well!”

If you want to see Abiola answer our Naturally Glam questions live check out the video! 
********


If you'd like to be featured in Naturally Glam submit your photos to naturallyglam@curlynikki.com and answer these questions:

1) Where are you from/live and how long have you been natural?
2) What products do you use on your hair?
3) If you have a business, are in school, have a blog, products you sell, a job in a field you'd like to talk about, have initiatives and organizations you'd like to highlight, advice to give, or family that you are proud of and want to share, please do.
4) How has having natural hair contributed to your life? Your self-esteem?
5) What's been the best part of your natural hair journey or your hair journey in general?
6) What do you do for fun?
7) How do you stay healthy 

Do You Forgive Your Man Faster Than Your Family & Friends?

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By Veronica Wells

For as much damage as social media is probably doing to all of our psyches, it's provided endless inspiration for me as a writer and thinker. It's a study in human behavior at our fingertips. A few weeks ago, I stumbled across this post on Instagram. It resonated with me immediately because in the past few years my eyes have been opened to the excuses, the allowances, the exceptions we make for bad behavior when it comes to a man. Patriarchy. In our centering and edifying of men, there's no accountability.

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I've seen women brag about canceling friends and cutting off family for hurting or offending them but break their necks (and spirits) to be with men who would ultimately violate them in even worse ways. Your momma tells you a hard truth about yourself and you don't speak to her for three months. Your man cusses you, belittles your entire existence and with one "Good Morning" text, you’re ready to forget it ever happened.

I know it happens but I wanted to understand why. So I asked a group of women. I'll share their responses and conclude with my own.

Blaque: Low self esteem, lack of confidence. And in "Our" case.... They haven’t tapped into their Queen Status.

Morgan: The greatest motivation is the fear of being alone.

Whitney: I feel like the betrayal feels worse when it comes from a friend/family which makes it harder to overcome.

India: Girl. Women are desperate for love from a man and look at everyone else as disposable. Women base their worth around the ability to keep a man compared to their ability to be loyal to their friends. To expect more from a friend/family member than you do your companion is backwards because the person you build with should be the person that you expect the most from. To expect less is the secret ingredient to end up with a n***a stressing you out/alone and bitter.

Caron: Different kind of love, different connection, different relationships, so the betrayal is also framed differently. Women have been TAUGHT to accept certain things from men, too. It’s more than desperation (as a surprising amount of women have mentioned), the type of intimacy will have its own response. We have not been taught the truth about forgiveness, either. When we learn our emotional response is not only wrong, but we don’t have the right to what we feel, it leads to avoidance and many unhealthy decisions.

Lydia: I'm not sure it’s always easier for a woman to forgive their romantic partner than their family or friends or rather it’s more of an individual priority. There's possibly many layers to this but many women seek the validation of a man. The assurance that not only were they specially chosen but unfortunately it’s also the place where some feel like they've found a sense of purpose and maybe even for the first time, an identity. I believe the thought is that if I can nurture this relationship first, one that is specifically designed to water and take care of me, I can then be a fountain of life for everyone else around me. It's not all together right but it’s a sign of misplaced dependency.

Personally, I was taught to expect but not accept a man acting up. And by that I mean intentionally and repeatedly hurting or dishonoring me. I heard messages about them being untrustworthy. Thankfully, I grew up witnessing a very healthy marriage; still, I didn't have to look far to find examples that supported the messages from the older, wiser and revered women in my life.

So I stepped out into the world of boys and eventually men, armed. I was always looking for reasons to cut them off. After all, we get to choose our romantic partners, which means we get to choose the types of behavior we’ll tolerate. And I was raised not to tolerate disrespect from anyone but particularly a person I willingly allowed into my life.

With family, whether we cut them off or not they'll always be ours and in most cases, represent the things we like and loathe about ourselves. For me, if you truly know and understand your family members, you know the pain behind the hurt they inflict on others. That doesn’t mean I’d keep toxic people in my life just because they’re related by blood, it means I’d likely make more exceptions for the people to which I’m bound than those who don’t have to be in my life, causing chaos and confusion.

Many of us will have to eventually exercise forgiveness in a majority of our relationships. People, no matter who they are, will hurt and disappoint you. I just want to know that if I'm going to have to forgive, it should be for a person who’s worthy.

Do you forgive your partner easier than your family and friends?
Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the websiteNoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

That Abortion I Had. 10 Years Later...

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By Brittney M. Walker

We are both in college, on track to be the first in both of our families to graduate. We are both virgins. We are both diligent church-going Christians. We both loved each other, but I never admitted this while we were together. I wanted to wait until we were married to have sex. But it was too tempting, sleeping together in the same bed sometimes. We both had cars and this new found freedom as adults. No parents around to tell us no. We spent days and nights together. We knew we were going to be forever. First loves.

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Our first time having sex, wasn’t at all like the movies. It was a little awkward. We aren’t even sure if we are having sex. I’m not even sure if a quarter of his penis is in. Then he climaxes. He doesn’t know what happened. I’m not sure either.

A few weeks later, my period hasn’t come. We ditch school that day. He drives us out of the city to a place no one would recognize us, by the beach. We drop into the local drug store and purchase a pregnancy test. I go into the bathroom, pee on the stick. It is positive. I am pregnant. We are pregnant.

We sit on the beach, crying. Unsure of what we are going to do.

I don’t want to have a child, repeating the cycles that have plagued my family for decades. My mom had me at 20. Didn’t finish college at the time. My aunts have the same or similar stories. I am the eldest of the next generation. I can’t start us off like this. I have to graduate. My cult-like Christian school wouldn’t allow me to attend if I appeared pregnant and unmarried. I don’t want to raise another human. I am just a child, tasting adulthood for the first time. I just turned 20.

I convince him that we don’t want it. So I start to research abortions. But during that process, his position begins to change. Unable to hear his pleas, I soldier forward with my research, trying to abort it without going to the clinic. I read about natural herbs that induce miscarriages. I want to miscarry before it has a heartbeat. Eventually, though, I make an appointment with Planned Parenthood. Their office is located right in the hood, where a lot of their centers happen to be.

The night before the appointment, we stay together, discussing our future, crying a bit, having sex. We figured out how to have sex by now. The following morning looks like we feel, dreary. He drives to the center, being supportive, but also mentioning the option to keep it.

On the way there, I am afraid there’s a protest in front and people will shame me with their signs and jeers about aborting a baby. I just want to go to school and graduate. We arrive. There is no protest. The clinic is tucked away in an unassuming office complex. We park and go inside the building. The lobby feels sad. There are mostly women waiting there with a smattering of men. I get checked in, test positive for pregnancy, again. The woman proceeds to share information about my options, and I think somewhere during her spiel mentions that I can change my mind at any time.

I am eventually led over to the ultrasound station where the doctor or nurse, confirms the pregnancy. The woman says something like, “It looks like you’re about 12 or 13 weeks pregnant.” Her voice is neutral.

I am then led over to a waiting area and I sit beside another Black woman. She looks around my age. Maybe a bit older. We start to chat and she says she’s already got five kids. She doesn’t use birth control. She’s also allergic to latex. So, this is her third abortion. She’s quite light hearted and chipper. Just part of the routine I guess. Somehow she brightens me up. She’s a statistic too. It’s not so bad, I guess. There’s life after.

It’s my turn to go. A woman calls me into the next room. I am prepped with a gown and a bag or something for my belongings. The woman herding all of us women in the area is Black and looks like she could be my grandmother or someone from my family’s church. I can’t remember if I had imagined it or if it was real. Sometimes memory works this way. I pose some question about how she feels about working at Planned Parenthood and about abortions and things. Her answer is something along the lines of,“ I don’t judge anyone. That’s between you and God.”

I am lying on a table with a bright light overhead. There are maybe three or four people, including a white male doctor, in the room. The last time I was in this position was to get my wrist snapped back into place after I broke it as a kid after sneaking out of the house to roller skate with a girl in the apartment complex.

Someone starts rattling off some information about what drugs they’re getting ready to push through my veins and that they’re gonna suck the fetus out of my uterus with a giant vacuum. I remember my calm quickly changing to anxiety. I start to ask questions like, “What do you do with the baby afterwards?”

The doctor, hovering over me, turns abruptly and sternly. Staring sharply in my eyes, he says, “There is no baby. It is a fetus.”

I wake up in what looks like a death ward with lots women in gowns on gurneys, wildly bunched together like a bumper car ring. I hear sobs and quiet prayers in Spanish and cries for boyfriends and mates. A nurse comes over and says some stuff I don’t remember. I ask for my boyfriend. She says he can’t come back because there’s a bunch of undressed women in the space. Makes sense. I need to get out before the sadness settles.

When I am conscious enough, I am allowed to gather my things and exit. I see him there.

We cry.

Years later, after we break up and I finally admit to him that I was in fact in love with him when we were together, he opens up and says he was hurt by the whole ordeal and didn’t really want to have the abortion. He thought he really didn’t have a choice in the matter. He wanted to get married and thought we could work it out, college, a baby, my family’s dislike for him. He expressed his deep sorrow. He would text or call on Mother’s day for years, wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day. He’d remind me of how old our child would have been.

I was annoyed by it. I remember sitting on the couch with the next boyfriend when I received a text from him that read, “Do you regret having the abortion?”

“What the f*ck man!” is how I reacted internally. He wants me to feel bad for my choice. He wants me to wallow. I responded in probably some snide, dismissive way, holding my position and feeling no regret. Later, though, it dawned on me that he was probably in pain from this.

I hadn’t considered his experience much. In fact, I don’t think it really mattered more than my moral conflict with it all, at the time. After I broke up with the next boyfriend, I saw him. It was maybe five years after the abortion. He was going through a lot. We talked about the abortion. He was definitely challenged by the whole thing and in fact experienced some depression around it. Conceiving children wasn’t as easy the next time he tried with someone else.

In some ways, he felt like I was ungrateful and undeserving to have a healthy womb that could carry. It’s not so easy for some other women, he learned. I understood why he was so angry with me for a long time. I understood him feeling powerless. I had tunnel vision. I had a mission. Whether or not he could have made a compelling argument to keep it wouldn’t have mattered. My mind was made up. We weren’t having this child. I was not having a child.

I still don’t regret it. But I do think about it often. That doctor visit question comes up every time I change doctors or give blood or get an STD test: “Have you ever been pregnant? y/n.” I think about how it affected him so greatly. I think about how my life would be different. I also think about the shame around abortion I experienced initially.

After it’s done, some women, me, … and men, him, go through shit. They cry, some weep, some are angry, some are scared, some feel like God will punish them, some feel undeserving of a happy life or a child in the future. Sharing these feelings and these thoughts with others is complicated, kind of like saying you’re a conservative voter and you’re Black and like guns and are pro-choice and a feminist.

I eventually told my mom. He eventually told his. Then I told my little brother and sister. I told my boyfriends. I told some close friends. He did the same. His mother was sad. Fortunately, none of these people stoned me or even attempted to make me feel bad about it. If they did, I missed that message.

It’s almost 11 years later and I thought I was pregnant a few of weeks ago. My first thought was, “I can’t have a baby right now! I just got a new job.” Then I thought about this whole experience. Then I thought about my man. Then I calmed the f*ck down. I’m grown-er now and having a kid wouldn’t be so bad. In fact, it would be a delight. My mom has been anticipating her first grand-kid after all. When I got over my panic and finished woefully replanning my life, I embraced being a mom, especially with a man I love and match. In fact, my man and I started to get really excited about the idea and began gleefully talking about my pregnancy diet and a home birth.

But, my period was just a week late. We were disappointed that it came at all. We theorize the ancestors were testing out our attitudes. Anyway, abortion provided me with choices. I have been able to live life super poor because I don’t have to feed anyone else. I have had the opportunity to pursue career options without worrying about childcare. I have traveled the world and slept in hostels and gotten into cars with strangers, because no one is depending on my return.

But my choice also came with some serious consequences. I think if either of us felt safer to discuss our options and had the proper relationship and emotional tools, we probably would have dealt with it differently.

How you dealt with having an abortion?
Brittney M. Walker is a journalist based out of New York. She writes on social justice issues within the Black community, travel, business, and a few other topics. These days she’s focusing on holistic living through experiences and storytelling via her blog, Unapologetically Brittney M. Walker.

Here's Why Kim Kardashian Crediting Her Fulani Braids To Bo Derek Is Problematic

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Kim Kardashian 
By Samantha Callender via Essence.com

Braids have long been the de facto hairstyle of the African diaspora. Originally a tribal signifier amongst African tribes, the technique was brought across the Atlantic during slavery and is now a go-to protective style for Black women.

There's no arguing that braids have played a critical role in Black hair culture, which is why when celebrities, namely Kim Kardashian, chose to credit the style to Bo Derek, a white actress, we have a problem.

This Artist Is Using Her Platform To Bring Awareness To How We Body Shame Young Girls

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By Erickka Sy Savané

Young, Ivorian artist Latitia Ky is someone to watch. Using hair (yes hair!) she's creating beautiful, thought-provoking images to spread body positivity and draw attention to the subtle and not-so-subtle ways that we body shame young girls. Here's a story, in her own words, taken from her IG that may have you thinking differently about some of the ways that you may be body shaming a young girl without even knowing it. 


Via IG
Latitia writes of this image via her IG: 
I never struggled with my body, I always liked it. What I never liked were the comments. In relation to my body I have big boobs, which is not the problem even if I'm not always happy with them. People might think, I should be and even if I am very Ok. with that the most time, it's not always funny. When i was younger (about 14), many people, especially women called me a whore, for just having them. I often got told that I am too slutty and my shirts are too sexy. The thing is, i never wore anything the others don't, just normal shirts, it just looked different on me. People won't belive how many adult (in my case women) assault young teenager girls. When you are 14 and haven't even thought about sex, being a "whore" really confuses. In the other case for the men you're also just boobs, nothing else. It's the only thing they can see. 
I don't dress nondescript, I don't want to. I can't see why I should dress very careful just because anybody feels attacked by my body. I wear what I like, and I do what I like, not to impress any men, not to be "sexy" for society. I do it just for me because I want to.
Commenters could definitely relate...

--"I feel this story personally because I know what it feels like even though I am only 14"

--"It's nice to know that people experience and have experienced the same things as me at such a young age... People think I'm "asking" for attention when all I want is the opposite. I've been going through this since I was 11, and it's been getting worse recently. I'm slowly learning to love myself and accept myself for the way I am."

--"I've had similar experiences my whole life and its nice to hear I'm not alone. I've been told such things even from family members and its shocking and it hurts. My whole life I've heard stuff about my body because I'm curvier and honestly this whole series us amazing. It's such a blessing to hear that other people understand and have been there too."

--"You’re amazing!! This art brings me joy and I even share with my 9 year old daughter!!"

Via IG
Latitia also writes that she was shamed in her teens for being too skinny.
"Does she eat?""I feel like she's going to break,""she looks like she is sick""she's awful."
"When I was 18, a lot of things changed for me. I have met, discovered people and experienced events that helped me to love myself as I am, and this growing self-confidence in my physicality has affected my entire life. I started to dream, to have projects and to believe that i was able to achieve them despite my limitations.
Read more of this extremely intelligent young woman's posts on her instagram page and share them with a teen who might need to hear what she has to say!

Were you body shamed as a teen for being too skinny or too developed? 

Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.comEbony.com, Madamenoire.com, xoNecole.com, and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter, Instagram or  ErickkaSySavane.com

A Jamaican Patois Speaking Doll? Yah Man!

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By Emily Cotton

This story is near and dear to my heart because when I was growing up there was no such thing as a Jamaican doll that spoke Patois. I am a proud Jamaican, born and raised and when I saw this doll I knew without a doubt I had to track down the story.
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Tell It Tues: What I Learned When All My Hair Fell Out!

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By Ta-ning Connai

When the hottest trendsetters like Zoe Kravitz, Solange and Rhianna chop it all off, or debut a new color, it's no wonder that women everywhere feel the fire and follow suit. And while I can relate to the exhilarating debut of a fresh new do, I will never forget my worst hair day EVER- the day all my hair fell out! And what I learned as a result...

Back in the 90’s, I spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how to get that "old lady gray with the blue haze tint that kinda illuminates like a silver rain cloud" hair. And I knew without a doubt that somebody at Ray's, the greatest beauty supply of all time, had the vision to make it happen. And I was right! After brainstorming with the top glam assistant, I left there with my highly coveted formula and the products to create the magic I hoped to achieve. Within 24 hours, I was causing traffic jams as my platinum waves took the streets of New York City by storm!

Since constant hair transformations was my thing, I did that look for only about a year before I was on to other things. A few years later, I decided to do that same color again, since my hair was a few inches longer than it was before. So, I searched for the formula I ordinarily guarded like a chef does his secret sauce, but I couldn't find it. No problemo, I did that color like a million times. I mean, it was MY formula, how could I possibly forget it, right?

After two days, my blissful reunion with fierce foxy gray came to a screeching halt! Imagine me at a model agency party dancing up a breeze, while suddenly I see my oh so light hair crumbling like barnyard straw onto the shiny black floor!!! Imagine me having to leave my Tyson Beckford looking dance partner as I run to the bathroom in complete SHOCK! Imagine me in a state of utter disbelief as I stood in front of the mirror running my hands over the top of my head as my hair crunched like spaghetti before you put it in boiling water! I'm not kidding, it was THAT bad. Just imagine.

With no time to say goodbye, I ran to my car like a bat outta Hell. I went home and laid wide awake for hours, completely baffled as to what could have possibly gone wrong. I used all the same products, put them on my hair for the same amount of time...what happened??? Luckily for me, shaving my head was something I'd done before. Problem Solved...except for the part about my hair sprinkled all over the club! There was nothing I could do about that, except pray that a gusty wind blew in and swept the floor clean!

Months later, while going through some papers in my storage space, I came across that good old granny gray chemical concoction I had written down. To my surprise, I'd put too much confidence in my memory and I put too much bleach in the mix! I missed the instructions by just a little bit, but what MAJOR damage it caused.

Kinda reminds me of the journey of walking with God. Some of us started off ON FIRE. Nothing could have ever kept us from following the "formula" that both enhanced our relationship with Him and ensured our spiritual growth. We knew the formula like our mama’s maiden name. We sought God with our whole heart, read the Bible often, exercised our faith. It seemed like “Victorious” could be our middle name, as each challenge in our path was eventually defeated. With God's help there was nothing we couldn't do. No amount of fear, doubt or disbelief could put that fire out. We trusted that God had the formula, and we followed it very well.

One could never imagine that things would ever change. But just like with my hair color formula, we think we remember the steps to follow, but how soon we can forget. We think that everything we know and love about God will stay deep within us, not realizing that, if we're not careful, it can subtly fade away. Then one day, we can't even tell up from down, and the formula to figuring it out has completely escaped our grasp.

Job 22:23 promises that, "If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored…” So go back to where it all began. He can put you on fire again. You can walk in power again. You can achieve the impossible and come out on the other side of trials unscathed again. Spend time with God. He loves you. Pray. He has the answers to your problems. Begin to listen again. He has the formula that works!

How do you get back on track once you've fallen off?
TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who one day got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to tear down the walls of churchy tradition, change the face of Christianity, and present it's message in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of BK), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

See What Fun Thing Lethal Weapon Actress Keesha Sharp Does With Hubby On The Side!

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Actress Keesha Sharp & Husband Brad Sharp via IG
By Erickka Sy Savané

You may have seen beautiful, Brooklyn-born actress Keesha Sharp lighting up your television screen on shows like 'Are We There Yet,''American Crime Story,' and currently 'Lethal Weapon,' since early 2000. But you may not know that when she's not doing her acting thang, she's spending time with her Boo thang doing this!

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Keesha and Brad cover 'I"m Lost Without You' one of my all-time favorites originally recorded by BeBe and CeCe Winans 

These two seriously have fun covering 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'


Keesha & Brad cover 'Send Out a Prayer' 

The two have been married since 1994
And have a son named Soloman
For more on this cute couple follow Keesha and Brad's IG! Download Brad's music via Apple Music, and watch Keesha on 'Lethal Weapon' every Tuesday night on Fox!

Do you take time to do the things you love?
Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.comEbony.com, Madamenoire.com, xoNecole.com, and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter, Instagram or  ErickkaSySavane.com

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