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Tell It Tuesday: Will Kanye Ever Be Great Again?

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Photo taken by Ta-ning Connai in her Santa Monica neighborhood
By Ta-ning Connai

As soon as we think we've recovered from Kanye’s last outrageous stunt...SURPRISE!....he hits us with another dose of untapped foolishness! He recently poured out some pretty glowing feelings about the POTUS and I suppose he had to ignore Trump’s racist, misogynistic and morally decayed views in order to esteem him that way. The suck up continued with words like “brother,” “love,” and “dragon energy” (huh???) followed by a pic of Kanye sporting a Make America Great Again cap (again). But this isn't a person simply exerting the right to his opinion or political views, as his wife Kim tried to defend. Sadly, his comments point to his slow, but deliberate path towards “white is right, black is whack” (a phrase going back to the 70’s), and that alone is more disheartening than who he would cast his vote for.

Early in his career, Kanye was fully aware of the race-related issues plaguing America and he embraced the opportunity to be a voice of the disenfranchised in spite of his own personal rise- anyone remember when he protested “George Bush doesn't care about black people?"  But the guy we once thought of like a cool cousin started becoming more like that weird, distant uncle you only see at the family reunions. What happened? What changed? Where’s the Ye we used to know?

Kanye, Kim & the kids
He denies the current existence of racism and claims, “Blacks need to get over (it).”...he vicariously escapes into a non-black existence through his white spouse and half-white kids...he shamelessly admitted to dumping a light girl for a white girl because,”I wanted my children to be as beautiful as possible" and “interracial children are more attractive than black children.”...and lastly, he reveals a peculiar admiration for a white man who is an eerie reminder of the oppressors of old...Kanye went from self-love to self-hate right before our very eyes.

To be black and to love white people is NOT a problem (heck, I'm a product of that sorta thing)! There is a way to maintain black pride and an allegiance to one's own culture while also showing love to white people that deserve it. We’d be ignorant to forget that some of the greatest abolitionists and leaders in human rights were white and many of them willingly died fighting against cruelties their heritage granted them protection from. But Kanye has some type of aversion to all things black and it’s sad that he thinks that scoring a white girl and living in a white world is a pass to escaping his own black reality. I'm sure it's allotted him privileges he would otherwise go without and has shielded him from some of the pain that perhaps the average black citizen deals with from day-to- day. But his whitewashed reality is just a fantasy to most, and he must remove his head out the sand if he wants to stay woke.

Self-hatred isn't always about literally hating the skin you're in. It’s also about a self-imposed call to perfection that always ends in an epic fail. It's when ones worthiness is attached to his deeds, good works or success. It's when you demand admiration from those you count on for your value, only to be disappointed, resentful and often surprised by their inability to fill your voids. These expectations create fear and it's the fear that drives such unrealistic demands. Somebody say VICIOUS CYCLE, a real nightmare that never ends!

#45 and Kanye at Trump Tower earlier this year
So, in this sense, Kanye was right. He and the Prez have a lot in common; two guys battling their own self-hatred for two entirely different reasons. Power will never be enough for Trump and Kanye's extended white family will never fill his cup. They're both traveling toward a dead end and the only place their self-love can begin is from the heart of the One that first loved them. If only they would look up, then reach out, they'd be so happy that they did!

When Jesus was asked which was the greatest commandment, His answer was this,
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself...” (Mark 12: 30-31) 
When we make loving God a priority, He endows us with a supernatural ability to love ourselves and to see ourselves the way He does. Then and only then are we in a better position to give out pure love and receive it in return. That's the solution to self-hate and the answer to self-love. God’s love + Our love = Teamwork makes the dream work!

What do you think about people of color who support our current President?
TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to present Christianity in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of Brooklyn), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie

Chasing Tail: Men & Women’s Pursuit of The Ass

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Nikki, Cardi & Beyonce 
By Dawn Washington

Over the last month or so I've been taking in bits and pieces of what's happening in the cultural zeitgeist: Beyoncé and Coachella, Cardi B blowing up the spot, Nikki Minaj dropping her latest, Chun Li, and I got to thinking. What is the relationship between these three cultural moments and what do they mean?

Follow me.

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What do Cardi B, Nikki Minaj, and Beyoncé have in common? I don't think it is a coincidence that all 3 fit a certain mold, a mold that has come to be a classic staple in the hip hop community and more recently in popular culture- attractive women with asses. And while this is not the sum of who they are, they come to represent beautiful women whose bodies fit a certain archetype…something else they all have in common, infidelity/break ups.

Yes, Cardi B warns her unfaithful man to be Careful in her latest track. Nikki Minaj has been through at least 3 breakups since she's been famous. And the reigning Queen of all things sexy is "not sorry" about Jay Z's flagrant betrayal (and it took a barrier-breaking album, sitting with feminist literature, couples therapy, and worldwide touring for her to process her rage over that).

I have listened to friends, lovely women, educated, career-solid women consider getting their asses "done" or padding it up, or nipping here, and tucking there, and sucking out here and I'm like, “For what though?”

There is a historical line, dating back to the beginning of time, of beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous women, who have been played: Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union, Eniko Parish, Jennifer Lopez, Christina Milan, Jill Scott, La La Anthony…and I'm certain you can name stunning women in your own lives who have experienced the same.

History has proven that it is never about how sexy or how bad you look. It is not about how “bomb your p*ssy” is, or how good you "rock the mic,” it’s not about how well you can twerk, work a pole, or lap dance. And it most certainly is not about how fat your ass is. Ample asses (both fake and natural) can and will get cheated on when dealing with certain types. And just what certain types am I referring to?

A pastor once said to me, "Sexual conquests make a man feel like a man without really being one." Sit with that one while I sip on some tea.

I am referring to men who associate their manhood with their sexual conquests, which is unfortunately, how men are generally socialized in this country. The men who don't live by this standard are indeed exceptional and sometimes have to fight everyday to not get sucked into this blackhole ideology of J.Cole’s latest, Kevin’s Heart.


As long as smashing any woman he wants is connected to how he feels as a man, he will continue to be on that quest. Why? Because every man wants to feel like a man, especially Black men whose manhood is often challenged in this country. And let's face it, identifying as a man has a lot to do with sexual prowess (no matter how false that may be).

And it all just makes me sad when I see and hear about women pumping their asses with both natural and unnatural substances. Because whether it was done as a part of a come up, to earn more paper, power or love, it does not guarantee those things. In fact,  if he has not dealt with the source of his manhood the only thing that is certain is that he will move on to the next ass.

I don't know what it means that the two hottest female rappers in the game have modified asses. Would they have been allowed to shoot to fame without it? Can female rappers with flat asses be as welcomed and embraced in the hip hop community? Just questions but it all seems like a painful lesson in futility to me.

Much respect to Cardi, Nikki, and the Queen. They teach me many things like how to find my power within the things that men cannot do. And yes, I’ve even taken up pole dancing classes to step up my twerk game and to celebrate (just some of) what makes me great. But you best believe that there will be no alterations to the body that is working the pole. If he or the industry doesn’t want me as I am, they can kiss my flat ass. As Janelle Monae` famously schooled one man on her Twitter account,“…I’m not for consumption.” I refuse to be anyone’s conquest.

Are you happy with your assets? 

Dawn is a writer and a mother who holds down a day job in academia. Currently she is getting her shit together. More to come from her!

This is 50! Model Tomiko Fraser Hines is Killing the Game

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Tomiko Fraser Hines photo by Guy Viau
By Brenda Alexander

While most fashion models are slowing their careers down by age 25, Bronx-born Tomiko Fraser Hines was just starting out. After being told constantly that she could have a successful career as a model, the brown-skinned beauty eventually quit her job as a secretary in favor of a more flexible gig as a waitress, and began pursuing supermodeldom. Eventually, she signed with renowned FORD agency and began booking commercial and runway work here and abroad, in addition to features in a plethora of magazines and catalogs, as well as campaigns for the likes of Tommy Hilfiger and Old Navy. Most people know her for being the first African-American model to land a contract with Maybelline Cosmetics- at age 31, no less!

After taking a hiatus to focus on family, wellness and her advocacy work in women’s empowerment, Tomiko is baaaaaack, and candidly talks with us about why at 50 years old (Happy Birthday Mama!) her career is on fiyah!!!



Starting your career later than the average model, were you marketed differently from your peers? If so, how?
I followed the instruction of my agent who told me to lie about my age. I was told to say that I was 19, which is a very difficult facade to live by. A 25-year-old is much more mature acting than a 19-year-old. But, I understand why I was advised to do so. 25 in model years is pretty much saying you are 50. Many clients never asked my age and just assumed I was younger because I looked younger. It wasn’t until I was 40 and was moderating an empowerment session for young girls when a little girl asked my age that I told the truth. It would have been contradictory for me to preach to her to be her best and most truthful self when I wasn’t doing the same. I haven’t lied about my age since.

What would you say are your career highs?
Most people know me for my work with Maybelline but one of my most cherished memories was walking in a Chanel fashion show in Europe. It was such a huge deal for me because I am a commercial model so doing a runway show, for Chanel, was my editorial moment. Maybelline was the greatest blessing because they hadn’t contracted a model of color to be the “face” of their brand. I was the first. My campaigns were so successful that when they had to go into a different direction for re-branding purposes, we negotiated a new deal with me as a brand ambassador. I spoke all around the world to young girls and women. That’s how my women empowerment work started.

I was going to ask how you got into philanthropic work. Can you talk about that?
I moved to LA in 2001 and not being in the fashion capital, my work slowed down so I had more time to focus on my work with Maybelline. Being in the modeling industry, you’re judged on your physical beauty and that can be hard. It was important to me to encourage women to focus on inner beauty and overall wellness because that’s what sustains you. I’ve done Goddess Gatherings for years now, which are basically girl power sessions.

Tomiko & husband Chris
Aside from your women empowerment work, I read that you are an advocate for Lupus and Infertility. How did that come about?
All of the work that I do is related to a personal experience. My women’s empowerment work and brand ambassador work was happening simultaneously. And by that time, I was focused on starting a family. I met my husband Chris in LA, we married and had trouble getting pregnant. By the time I was entering my mid-40's, we decided to do In Vitro and were fortunate enough to have twin boys, who are now 5 (Bryce and Kaden). There’s such shame affiliated with infertility and it shouldn’t be. How you choose to build your family is your choice and it should be celebrated. I share my story to help others and to remove the stigma. Stigmas and shame can damage not just the woman, but the family unit overall.

Tomiko (right) & sister Shneequa (left)
Lupus also affected my family. My sister, who is now deceased, was 26 when she was diagnosed with lupus. She was normal and out of nowhere had a mental episode and it was discovered that she had lupus of the brain and had to be in assisted living. I called the Lupus Foundation myself because I wanted to learn as much as I could. That led to a 10-year partnership. I wanted to help bring them more money and resources to help, especially because it affects African Americans at higher rates.

Outside of your philanthropy and modeling, what else did you do in-between?
I consider myself an artist and have had an acting career also. I love both acting and modeling. It’s two different forms of expression that have complemented each other well in my career. My work as a model helped me to become comfortable in my body to express myself as an actor. My work as an actor helped me to emote better through my photos.

Tomiko making it look effortless (via her IG)
What made you decide to return to modeling full-time?
I wasn’t checking for the industry anymore because I refused to conform. If I were going to return, I had to be accepted as myself: natural hair, curvy and 50. I did an international Lancome commercial 2 years ago with Julia Roberts that highlighted aging. One of the women in the commercial I recognized from my earlier modeling days and she told me about a new agency, Iconic Focus, for models 40 and over. I researched them, took a meeting, and have been signed since. I have been working like crazy and it’s been amazing!

What’s the difference between modeling now versus earlier in your career?
The difference in my career now is that I am 100% me. I am 50 and proud, and no longer lying about my age. My hair is black girl magic natural and short, my hips are wider and I love it! I don’t think this would have been possible without the way in which people have advanced. Society is changing, women are speaking up more and audiences want to see themselves represented in various forms. They spend their money where they see their truth represented. There’s more demand from the audience.

Oprah magazine 
What’s next for Tomiko? 
Chicos is a client and I love working for them and what the brand stands for. I am looking forward to expanding that relationship, hopefully into me being a spokesperson for them. Outside of modeling, I continue to do my Goddess Gatherings and women’s empowerment. I would love to have a lifestyle brand because I share so much on my social media in terms of my career and family and am big on helping others. Although I refrain from watching reality tv because I don't consider it an uplifting experience, I would love a reality show based on sisterhood and support to coincide with my women empowerment work. Taking it a step further with my commitment to empowerment and wellness, I am a Certified Reiki, which is energy healing work and I have been doing that for a little under a year. I also conduct one-on-one empowerment coaching sessions with women and practice intuitive guidance, a gift I discovered I had 6 years ago.

My family comes first as a wife and mother. My husband Chris and I are coming up on our 12-year wedding anniversary and he is truly the backbone of our family, my greatest source of strength. Raising our beautiful twins in a healthy home centered on wellness is paramount.

With everything that I do, my ultimate goal is to be a source of love and inspiration.

Tomiko, husband Chris and the boys 

You can keep up with Tomiko on IG and Twitter

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Are you pursuing a dream career 'late in life?' Tell us about it!
 
Brenda is a Philadelphia native with a love for Marketing, Creative writing, wine and Jesus. Her work has been featured on Mayvenn’s Real Beautiful blog and she is the co-author of the book Christmas 364: Be Merry and Bright Beyond Christmas Night (available for purchase on amazon). Follow her on IG @trulybrenda_ and trulybrenda.wordpress.com

What It Looks Like to #behernow

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For @mentoria.lashae being HER meant going back to school, tightening up her credit score and leading a vegan lifestyle. It also included getting her first tattoo!

What does being HER look like for you? Tonight, make a list of all the attributes and experiences that SHE embodies. And then go down the list one at a time and really feel what’s it like to be, do or have that thing, NOW. You’ll notice that when you go from wanting something to having it, even as an exercise, the result is relief—a relaxed body and a quiet mind. Fall asleep in these go(o)d feelings, then wake up immersed in this quiet joy and stay anchored in it as you move through your day tomorrow. Love you! #StandAsHer
-Nikki Walton


DIY Sleek Feed-in Braids on short 4C Hair

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BeautyWithTy
Alright Ladies, summer is coming and what better way to protective style or just switch up your look than with some sleek cornrows!? Here vlogger BeautyWithTy shows us how to feed-in braids on short 4c hair. But don't fret, even if you have longer hair, this video is still for you! Now if you really wanna go all out for summer, try using colored extensions!



Will you try this look? Leave us a comment and be sure to show BeautyWithTy some love!!!

Harvard Law Review Elects First Black Woman President

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ImeIme Umana
By Mwabi Kaira

Twenty seven years ago Harvard Law Review elected its first black President. His name was Barack Obama. Presidents of the Law Review in the 130-year history have been white, male, female, Hispanic, Asian-American, black, openly gay and now for the first time, the first black women has been elected. Twenty-four-year-old ImeIme Umana, daughter of Nigerian immigrants was elected this past January by the review’s 92 student editors as the president of its 131st volume.

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The Harrisburg, Pennsylvania native received a Bachelor’s degree in African American Studies and Government from Harvard College in 2014 and is a 3rd-year student at Harvard Law School as well as the Harvard Kennedy School of Government. Being president is considered the highest-ranking student position at Harvard law school and pretty much guarantees you a spot at a law firm of your choice. In fact half of the current Supreme Court justices served on the Harvard Law Review, though none as its president.

Barack Obama with the Harvard Law Review Board in 1990 as the 1st Black elected President.

It is hard to believe that in 2018 there are still first African-Americans to do anything in the United States but this is a reality. The first women were not admitted to Harvard law school until 1950, and the gender gap at the school did not start closing until the late 1970s, when Ms. Estrich was elected president of the review. Minorities were only admitted after a diversity push in the 1970s as well; before 1950 Harvard was strictly a school for white men.

It is hard to believe that in 2018 there are still first African-Americans to do anything in the United States but this is a reality. The first women were not admitted to Harvard law school until 1950, and the gender gap at the school did not start closing until the late 1970s, when Ms. Estrich was elected president of the review. Minorities were only admitted after a diversity push in the 1970s as well; before 1950 Harvard was strictly a school for white men.

Sandra Bland who died in police custody
ImeIme’s fellow students all agree that it is her sharp legal mind, intense work ethic, leadership ability and generosity of spirit that catapulted her to the top. She speaks through the prism of her race and gender when speaking about law. She has black women who in recent years died after encounters with law enforcement on her mind, “I’m constantly reminded of people like Natasha McKenna and Tanisha Anderson and Sandra Bland, whose relationships with the law were just simply tragic,” she said.

And like Barack Obama, ImeIme Umana is choosing to go an unlikely path and not be like the vast majority of graduates of the nation’s top law schools. Instead of joining a high-paying corporate firm, her dream for now is to become a public defender, a goal she set after an eye-opening internship last summer in the public defender’s office in the Bronx. She plans to work this summer in Washington.

ImeIme said her goals as president of the review are to recruit a diverse set of editors, publish a diverse group of authors and basically get out of the editors’ way. She has lined up a clerkship for after graduation next year with Judge Robert L. Wilkins of the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. After that, she said, she is flexible on her route to becoming a public defender. 

So, become the first black woman President of the Harvard law review and still choose to serve your people in need by giving up the big bucks? How’s that for some black girl magic? We salute you ImeIme and can’t wait to see what you have in store for your career!

What do you think about Imelme's choice to become a public defender?
Mwabi Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world.  She is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993.  Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy.  She has been an avid runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon.  Keep up with her athttp://africanbeautifulme.blogspot.com/

Getting Married and Having Kids in Your Twenties. Big Deal or Nah?

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By Kanisha Parks

“I want to be married with at least two children by the time I’m 28.”

At least, that’s what 14-year-old me said. You know how it is—you have all of these life expectations for yourself set long before you even reach adulthood, (many of which are shaped by societal “norms”). You probably knew who and what you wanted to be, what you wanted to do, how much money you wanted to make and when, etc. I mean, these were the kinds of conversations we had during lunch. But things change.

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Here I am now: 26, happily single, unconcerned with marriage or a relationship and completely unbothered about exactly when those things will even happen for me. Many of the girls I went to school with have already either gotten married, had children, or both, and while I’m happy for them it didn’t make me feel like I was doing something wrong. But sure, there are still times when I do ponder, “Hmmmm...I wonder when I’ll get married . . .”

It’s almost an unspoken rule in our society that women should be married and at least working on kid #1 by the time they’re thirty. According to the Huffington Post, research even suggests that there are reasons why we should get married in our twenties. But clearly, all women don’t want the same things.

These days, many women choose to focus on themselves and their careers first. Celebrities who had children after 35 include Jennifer Lopez (38), Mariah Carey (41), Halle Berry (41, 47) and who could forget Janet Jackson (50). Sure, it can be assumed that celebrities have the money to pay for IVF, surrogacy and other costly methods that help women have children. Gabrielle Union married Dwayne Wade when she was 41 (after being married previously), and admits that she has since struggled with infertility and had 8 or 9 miscarriages.

Still, other celebrities like Rihanna (30), Tracee Ellis Ross (45), Naomi Campbell (47), Oprah Winfrey (64), have not married or had children and look perfectly happy. It’s obvious that women can and do have full lives with or without marrying and/or having children.

So at 26 no, I don’t think women should feel pressured to find their “perfect match” and start pushing out babies. For me personally, I’m focused on God, working, saving, and enjoying my life! Yes, I want to get married and have children but I know that God already knows the plans He has for my life and those things will happen when He decides.

Jasmine Ahnie, who is a 26-year-old actress, says:
“I’m not at all concerned about when I’ll get married. I think because of the nature of my career choice, I’m more career-focused right now. Entertainment is such a fast moving industry and I want to be somewhat established before I decide to start a family. One reason is so that I’m sure I’ll be financially stable enough to start a family, and the other reason is so that I am able to stay focused and pursue my goals without having the responsibility of having a family to take care of.”

She also doesn’t feel like women in their 20s should feel pressured to get married or have children, but should do whatever makes them happiest. “It all depends on each person’s life. If the woman is already established in her career in her 20s and feels financially, emotionally, and physically ready to start a family then I think she should! I think it all just depends on those types of situations and whether the woman is actually READY to get married/have children and not based on what people or society thinks.”

Amber Cobern, a 26-year-old social worker, says: “I used to feel like I could go without being married as long as I was in a healthy, happy, committed relationship, but the older I’ve gotten the more I would like to be married. I’m also hoping for two children!

In my early twenties a timeline for getting married never worried me. I’ve always known that if I did get married I’d want it to be in my late twenties. I’m a firm believer in holding off for marriage until you feel secure in your own identity and are stable financially as well. Seeing people around me get married does sometimes make me think, hmm am I falling behind or something? But then I easily remind myself that I’m making choices that are best for me! And that marriage isn’t the only thing to aspire to in life. I’d like to be married by 30 at the latest. And I can’t see myself having children past 35/36. I honestly think that your twenties are a key time to get to know who you are and what you want out of life. I think young women should absolutely be dating, getting their education, finding their passions, pursuing their careers, and just living life! However, I would never judge another woman’s choice or path if it differs from my own mindset.”

On that note, do what’s best for you and enjoy your life, sis!

Does getting married and having kids in your twenties concern you?
Kanisha is a Christian writer/author based in Augusta, GA. Other than CurlyNikki.com, she has also written for BlackNaps.organd Devozine, and has authored a book of poetry entitled, "Love Letters from the Master." Kanisha can be contacted for business inquiries at kanishaparks@gmail.com

Teen Wins Prestigious Writing Award That Stephen King, Capote & Other Famous Writers Won

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Malachi Jones (Charleston County School of the Arts Middle & High School)
By Robin White Goode

Malachi Jones, the 17-year-old wunderkind who is heading to Columbia University this fall, has been awarded a Gold Medal Portfolio, the highest honor of the 2018 Scholastic Art & Writing Awards presented by the nonprofit Alliance for Young Artists & Writers.

The high school senior, who attends the Charleston County School of the Arts in Charleston, South Carolina, says he greeted the news, which he received by phone, with a “loud silence.”


Why More Black Bill Cosby Accusers Don’t Come Out

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By M.E.

First let me say that I’m writing this anonymously. I say that because I don’t want you to know who I am. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want you looking at me not for the person that I am, but as a Bill Cosby accuser. Bill Cosby accusers get treated like the bottom of a person’s shoe. I’m a wife, mom and person who is pretty successful and happy in her life. That said, I allege that Bill Cosby drugged me when I was 18. I don’t know if he raped me because I don’t remember what happened after a certain point. He did not ask me if I wanted drugs. I am black.

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Now why don’t I come forward?

Speaking to a friend recently about what happened- which is something I rarely do because I’ve only talked about this to a hand-full of people in my inner, inner circle- she suggested that I’ve kept it secret because “we don’t tell,” as if I’m bound by loyalty to the black community or to Bill Cosby himself. And while that could be the case for some, not me. I keep quiet because I am afraid of my life being ruined. I’m afraid for my kids to have to live with this burden, a burden that I didn’t ask for, let alone them. I think of my husband. I carry this because I know that a lot of people will not believe me or support me and will view me as a opportunistic, greedy, lying, manipulative slut. So let’s be clear, loyalty has nothing to do with it.

Bill Cosby drugged me when I was 18, almost 30 years ago. However, I didn’t know that is what happened until a few years ago when I started reading the testimony of Bill Cosby accusers. I discovered that he had agencies, modeling and acting, that would send him girls. I was one such girl sent to him by the president of my modeling agency, a white woman around his same age, now deceased. She sent me straight to his brownstone on the upper east side, after I admired a photo of the two of them in her office. I, like many people across the globe, LOVED Bill Cosby as this was the height of The Cosby Show. During that first meeting, he asked me about school (I loved school), my grades (I was an honor student), what type of family I came from (single-parent mom), and if I would be able to afford college (No). Right there on the spot, he offered me a full-scholarship to an HBCU of my choice. I didn’t really know much about HBCU’s except that ‘A Different World’ was popular and black schools looked cool. I refused the offer because at that time I was determined to become a supermodel.

But he stayed on me, inviting me to watch Cosby Show tapings and always ending it with ‘are you ready to go to school yet?!’ “Not yet!” I’d tell him enjoying that he would take the time to even care. During these Cosby Show tapings, there’d be people having dinner in his private room before the show. Once there was even a Japanese chef all dressed up making sushi. It was so exciting because you’d be sitting at the dinner table next to a famous star, or psychologist, or just important people of all nationalities, all there to celebrate and be in the company of the world’s biggest star. Once my mom and uncle came and he treated them, like everyone, with the utmost respect. He had a knack for making everyone feel special. For this girl who once told her mom as she watched The Cosby Show in their hometown, “I’m going to meet him one day,” this was proof that dreams really do come true.

One evening after a taping, which was still a very jovial time where people would wait to have a drink with him in his room, chat, and say goodbye- this was also where he would make sure that his guests had a car service home- I found myself in his room alone, doing what I remember to be a slow motion dance. He was close to me, holding me up, moving my arms around as if I were a rag doll. I remember thinking, ‘Wow, Mr. Cosby is magical! Is this, yoga? A dream dance?’ I had no clue what was happening. Then he asked, ‘Do you want this to go further?’

I said, ‘No.’

That’s all I remember. I don't remember what happened next or how I got home, and I didn’t even give it much thought throughout the years until accusers started coming forward. As I would read their stories, I started seeing the similarities to mine. How he would 'allegedly' prey on young women from poor backgrounds, without fathers. How there was a system in place where his room would clear out and you’d find yourself alone with him, while someone was posted outside the door. How agencies sent him girls. I was the perfect Bill Cosby victim because I never would have dreamed him capable of such a thing, and therefore, I trusted him completely. I never second-guessed what happened in his room that day because it was inconceivable that he would have drugged me. How? Why? What?

Another reason I don’t come forward is because I don’t know if he raped me. Compared to women who claim to have woken up with him masturbating next to them, having sex with them, or lying there naked in a bathrobe, ect...my case is pretty light. If I may be honest, I’m grateful that I don’t know what happened to me during that time because I would have had to live with the memory, all these years, of knowing what he did. But it doesn’t excuse what he did. He never asked me if I wanted drugs. I never had a choice. You can’t erase a woman’s memory. You can’t do things to women when they are unconscious. Now, while I can escape the memory of what he may have done, I still live with the guilt of not coming forward, of not standing with my sisters, of feeling like a coward for staying in the shadows. I can’t escape the conversations online, or on my social media feed from men and women I know personally who are defending him, calling it a witch hunt, trashing the victims, claiming it’s a race thing, dismissing each victim because they waited so long to come forward or because the majority are white. Come on, it’s just a little easier for white women to come forward because they don't go home to the same community. But look at the women who are coming out against Trump. They aren’t doing so well. People want them to shut up. So while it might be a little easier for me to make sexual accusations against Trump (hypothetically), Bill Cosby is a big no, and black folks are outraged.

The other day I couldn’t take it anymore when I was on a bus and some black folks of a certain age were talking about how they didn’t believe he did it. I stood up and went to the back of the bus where they were and said, ‘I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. He drugged me. He has done some very bad things to a lot of women. Black women too. But we will never come forward because of you. You don’t believe us. You think we’re trying to tear him down and it’s not true. If he did these things to your mother, your sister or someone you love you would not be happy, and even if he was 100 years old you’d want justice. If you can’t believe that someone like him is capable of this then it’s going to keep happening.”

To my surprise, they said they believed me, and even expressed that they were sorry it happened to me. They actually got to look me in the eye and know that I was telling the truth. How many people get a chance to talk to a Bill Cosby accuser? Not many unless she’s on the witness stand and then she has to prove HER innocence, she's not just sharing her story. And as liberated as I felt coming out to them, and sharing my story here now, even anonymously, I can't do that everyday. I sat on that bus after they got off and cried salty tears because it's exhausting. People's loyalty to Cosby is like iron. That's why I commend every woman who has come forward against him, white and black, because it took all of them (I believe it’s around 60 women) to bring him down. And know that if there are 60 women who have come forward there are so many more, like me, who you will never see, because we live in the shadows. But we’re here, and we’re BLACK, and we stand for #metoo too. We just don't stand as tall or as loud. Don’t judge us because we never asked to be Bill Cosby victims, accusers or martyrs. This fuckery happened to us and we just deal with it the best way we can.

No Black Men, I'm Not Boycotting Issa Rae

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Issa Rae
By Brenda Alexander

When my brother told me that Issa Rae was a trending topic on Twitter recently, I was too pumped thinking the trailer for Season 3 of Insecure was released. Instead, I wasted precious seconds of my life searching the hashtag only to discover pure foolery.

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#sorrynotsorry
An excerpt from Issa Rae’s 2015 book, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, apparently made its way to Twitter thanks to a bored social media obsessed person seeking to get attention by starting this conversation. In a chapter of the book titled “Black Women & Asian Men,” Issa sarcastically advised black women to marry Asian men, which according to statistics, Asian men are an intellectual match to black women. If you know anything about Issa, you know she has a dry sense of humor and a personality that some would deem odd. Hence, the title of the book. But, of course, black men on twitter were in their feelings. They had the unmitigated gall to petition we boycott our beloved Issa.

You guys kill me.

How many times have black women been criticized by black men for our bad attitudes, apprehension to be their real-life porn stars in the bedroom, being too independent and having standards “too high?” Then, we are told by said black men that they prefer to date women outside of their race for those very reasons? Yet and still, we as black women remain committed and loyal to the black man, despite some of their trifling ways.

Text from The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae

My how the tables have turned. It doesn’t feel so good to be turned down by your own kind now does it? First things first, Issa Rae has been a champion for not just black women, but the culture in general. She’s been an example of cultivating one’s talent and turning that into a full-blown career from the ground up while setting the tone for originality and entrepreneurship. She’s employed black actors, men and women, giving them opportunities in spaces where we are viewed last (or in many cases, not viewed at all) and she’s been a voice for the black millennial 25+ woman on a tv show where our age group and struggles are normally ignored. After all of this, the one time a woman makes such a suggestion, men are calling us to boycott her. Why? Because, she sarcastically (yet with an undertone of truth) advised us to potentially expand our dating pool? Because let’s be real, a lot of black men may not be checking or stepping up for us anyways. So we should boycott her for giving us the advice to be open to other options so that we in turn don’t settle? Nah bruh.

We’ve been dealing with public rejection and disrespect from black men for decades. Whether it’s black women in general or colorism, where our men have boasted about which skin tone they prefer. Just recently, gold mouth Trick Daddy referred to us as “hoes” and told us to “tighten up” our bodies or we’d continue to lose black men to white and Latino women. Didn’t rapper Kodak Black say he “don’t really like Black girls like that” when commenting on KeKe Palmer’s skin tone, saying that darker skinned women are more difficult while labeling lighter skinned women as more “sensitive?” Even an old tweet from comedian Kevin Hart resurfaced where his joke about darker skinned women failed. Hell, taking it even deeper, K(oon)anye West just said that 400 years of slavery was a choice, which 100% abolishes the work that black women did to carry the black family on from generation to generation.

And shall we not forget the dozens of athletes who only seem to flaunt non-women of color on their arms on red carpets - the Peter Gunz and Stevie J’s of reality television who proudly display their love triangles with no remorse while hurting the women they claim to love in the process - the thousands of misogynistic lyrics in many hip-hop tunes that we twerk to over hot beats in the club - and the support of men who have been exposed as physically abusive and even predators? I mean the list goes on. Even MadameNoire’s online vlog includes an 8 minute video on why black men date white women.

Y’all got some nerve.

There are multitudes of amazing black men who root for us. Even the Oprah Winfrey Network has a lovely docu-series on black relationships titled “Black Love” that I thoroughly enjoy and cry tears of happiness when I see my people succeeding in happy, healthy relationships. I’m the QUEEN of #BlackLove. But, let’s not try and ignore the fact that in our culture, we’ve been dismissed.

So again, nope - I’m not boycotting Issa Rae. I actually commend her for her statement, even if it was with satire. Black women should have the right to date, marry, procreate and be proud to speak on other men BESIDES black men. Thanks for the advice Issa girl!

Do you feel that black women should expand their dating pool?
 
Brenda is a Philadelphia native with a love for Marketing, Creative writing, wine and Jesus. Her work has been featured on Mayvenn’s Real Beautiful blog and she is the co-author of the book Christmas 364: Be Merry and Bright Beyond Christmas Night (available for purchase on amazon). Follow her on IG @trulybrenda_ and trulybrenda.wordpress.com

20 Black Beauty Bloggers to Know!

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@brihallofficial
By Ashley Renee

As a woman who has been addicted to YouTube for the past several years, I must give credit to the amazing youtube gurus for teaching me how to do my own box braids, faux locs, search and destroy trim method, a wide array of makeup looks and giving me a ton of vegan and vegetarian meal ideas. Not to mention teaching me how to make some bomb vegan nacho cheese!

While I've always looked to YouTube for hair and makeup styling tips, I must say there are hundreds and thousands of YouTubers out there that have amazing content, we just probably haven't heard of them. With YouTube often offering suggestions to watch beauty bloggers with well over 50K views per video, it's no wonder why so many talented, quirky, and informal beauty bloggers go unnoticed.

After realizing that I was literally watching the same people day in and out, I decided to start searching for less known YouTube beauty gurus and I'm glad I did because I came across some gems (and some ladies who aren't quite so green, but deserve a shoutout too.) If you too have never heard of these ladies, it's time you did! Click through the gallery below to check out 20 of my new favorite black beauty gurus.

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Everything You Need to Know About Black-Owned Business Directory 'The Black Mall'

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By Winnie Gaturu

If you're looking for a way to support black-owned business, The Black Mall (TBM) is the perfect solution. It is an online business directory that helps you find products and services from black-owned businesses across the nation. The mall was started as a means to offer support to both existing businesses and startups. Supporting black business goes a long way in supporting and promoting growth in the black community by creating more employment opportunities and improving the quality of life for many families. According to Black Demographics, 95% of black-owned businesses are sole proprietorships thus supporting them directly impacts the lives of the owners.

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Cassiopeia Uhuru
TBM, which was founded in 2011 by Cassiopeia Uhuru and Dre Meekins, focuses on creating awareness and promoting growth and success of black-owned business across the African American community. It has since connected over 2,000 Black-owned businesses with their target audience nationwide and accumulated a subscriber list of more than 100k people.

The idea to start it came when the duo was looking for a meal in their neighborhood back in 2011. They wanted to support a black-owned restaurant but they couldn't find a proper resource to assist them. Instead of giving up, they decided to conduct the search themselves. They looked around in their neighborhood and compiled a list of all black-owned and operated restaurants they came across. At the end of it, they had more than they imagined and so they decided to spread the news.

TBM is able to support black business in a number of different ways. The main thing they do is offer an e-Commerce platform that features black-owned products from different areas in the United States. This makes it possible for sellers to reach a wider audience while buyers are able to find the products and services they need. As part of a research they were conducting, the founding duo noted that many black-owned businesses are not housed in storefronts and are only showcased in marketplaces that occur during celebration times, Juneteenth and Kwanzaa. To help solve this problem, they started the Ujamaa Markets hosted on TBM, for businesses that don’t have a brick-and mortar location. The market takes place on a monthly basis and provides a space for black vendors to promote and sell their products and services to a targeted audience. In addition, the website also promotes social action endeavors, events, job postings, cultural enrichment and articles.

The Black Mall storefront in Chicago
This year, The Black Mall founders opened up a storefront at Boombox Chatham space, to complement their e-Commerce website, located in Chicago. Inside, you'll find items for sale from a variety of vendors. These include t-shirts, cookies, hand crafted jewelry, vegan deodorant, natural beauty products, comics and many more. The shop is open from Monday to Saturday and closed on Sundays.

The founders of TBM hope that they’ll be able to open up more storefronts to promote a higher number of black-owned businesses. In the meantime you can go though their website or visit the store to buy what appeals to you. If you're a business owner, you can also use TBM to advertise your black-owned organization, business, product, service or even yourself.

Will you utilize The Black Mall?
 https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DnsMSFjLFNw/We9aV3iBeiI/AAAAAAAADII/F9HbMPX6PfYe6aCJqc-eDi3Wgmu41YE4wCLcBGAs/s1600/Winnie%2BG..jpg
Winnie Gaturu is a writer, tech lover, mom, wife and student from Nairobi, Kenya. During her free time, she loves trying out new recipes, diy projects, filling in crossword puzzles and spending time with her family. You can catch up with her onyourhairandbeautywrite.wordpress.com

I'm Here for #MuteRKelly But it's Long Overdue

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Photo of R. Kelly by Michael Loccisano 
By Brenda Alexander

When a group of black elite women in Hollywood like Shonda Rhimes, Ava DuVernay and Jurnee Smollett-Bell ban together, you know the project is not one to miss. Little did anyone anticipate that this group of women were joining forces to put their power and voices to a movement that has been overlooked for over two decades. Finally, we have our own political party to help #MuteRKelly. 

Kenyette Barnes (left) and Oronike Odeleye (right) 















The movement has been in the works for some time, founded last year by Kenyette Barnes and Oronike Odeleye, who grew tired of the mounting evidence against Kelly with no resulting consequences. But it wasn’t until DuVernay and co. pledged their support that Kelly’s career started to suffer. Kelly, normally quiet and ignoring the spectacle, has begun to speak out on his social media, crying that he is being tarnished and punished for public consumption over “rumors” he claims, have no merit.

The allegations are nothing new. The Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times have extensively reported on Kelly’s indiscretions. BuzzFeed produced an extensive investigative piece about an alleged sex cult where he has control over young women in his Atlanta estate, some of whom he has “mentored” since their early teenage years. There was the infamous interview with journalist Toure where Kelly asked to have the term “teenage” defined after being asked if he liked teenage girls. He recently ended a relationship with a woman 30 years his junior, whom he allegedly began dating when she was 19. And let’s not forget that he gave himself the nickname “The Pied Piper of R&B,” which he borrowed from the story of a cartoon character who lured young children away.

Even a recently released documentary brings new revelations to his attraction and manipulation of younger girls. It’s surprising I found the film as it has not yet been released in the US, attesting to how much star power Kelly has, and the level of support he has behind him from the gatekeepers in the music industry.

Then there’s the R. Kelly and Aaliyah situation. Industry insiders have long attempted to paint a picture of a then 27 year-old Kelly marrying a 15 year-old Aaliyah as a couple so in love that marriage was the only way they could be together. Some have even compared their union to those that occurred “back in the day” where younger girls married older men. Yet few will call it what it actually was...sick, illegal and predatory.


Aaliyah and R. Kelly Marriage Certificate

People tend to forget that in the olden days, women and girls were married off, having little to no rights in choosing their husbands. They instead left homes as their parents could no longer afford to care for them, and in many cases were given away for what seemed to be a better life. These were not cases of enchanted love.

Whether Kelly and Aaliyah “loved” each other, we will never know. Aaliyah is not here to tell her story and she nor her family have ever spoken about the marriage. The marriage was later annulled by her parents and the family and record label cut off all ties with Kelly immediately following. Kelly obviously knew it would be deemed immoral, considering they lied about Aaliyah’s age on the marriage certificate and listed her as 18. Making matters worse, there were witnesses at the wedding, with his former road manager admitting to being present in the documentary, despite knowing Aaliyah’s age (the conversation starts around the 23:00 mark)


Aaliyah’s “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number” Album Cover, featuring R. Kelly

What is known is that a 15 year-old’s brain nor experiences are equal to that of a 27 year-old man. Furthermore, it seemed as if Kelly had his eye on the starlet from the beginning. The name of the album and leading single he wrote and produced was “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number” and the album cover featured a shadow of Kelly lurking behind the songstress. Even in early interviews with the two, they played their relationship down and beamed about how they loved each other as best friends. Journalists even played into their “relationship” with an interviewer asking a 15-year-old girl whether or not she was dating an almost 30 year-old man while smiling and laughing. The level of normalcy this was given is baffling.

It’s disgusting that this has been able to go on for as long as it has. I get extremely uncomfortable anytime I hear his music. It’s hard for me to separate the man from the artist, especially when his music aligns as closely with what’s alleged, with consistent sexual lyrics and undertones. Though I’m not surprised, as I have written about how we are utterly loyal to the black man, not wanting to “bring him down,” especially a successful one in this “white man’s world.” No one can deny what he has contributed to music; however, that doesn’t make him exempt. Allegations aren’t made repeatedly without reason. It’s time to take this seriously as he’s already been acquitted once. It’s time to #MuteRKelly.

What are your thoughts on muting R. Kelly?
Brenda is a Philadelphia native with a love for Marketing, Creative writing, wine and Jesus. Her work has been featured on Mayvenn’s Real Beautiful blog and she is the co-author of the book Christmas 364: Be Merry and Bright Beyond Christmas Night (available for purchase on amazon). Follow her on IG @trulybrenda_ and trulybrenda.wordpress.com

This Luxurious Black-Owned Skincare Brand Gave Me Supple, Summer-Ready Skin in 2 Weeks!

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Photo Courtesy of Nyakio
By Kanisha Parks

Healthy skin is such an important facet of a successful beauty routine, especially since there are so many products on the market geared towards just that. In my teens, my main skin concern was acne but after that mellowed, clear, smooth, healthy, glowing skin has been #goals for me.

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I can’t stand products that leave my skin feeling and looking dry so I’m always on the hunt for ones that provide moisture without breaking me out or making my skin appear greasy. Plus, my skincare routine is usually super straightforward (cleanse, treat, moisturize, sunscreen) and with summer coming I wanted to do something nice for my skin, outside of the basic steps I follow every day.

So when I came across the Nyakio products at Ulta, I was very much intrigued by the fact that while the products are beautifully packaged and have high-end appeal, they’re completely affordable, not to mention full of luscious ingredients like shea butter, aloe vera, vitamins A and E, and a range of moisturizing oils.

Photo via Nyakiobeauty IG
Nyakio Kamoche Grieco is a first generation American of Kenyan descent whose beauty journey was inspired by her grandmother—a coffee farmer who used coffee beans and sugar cane to exfoliate her dry skin. Nyakio brings her family’s beauty secrets, along with those from her girlfriends and travels, to create a luxurious skincare line that is naturally and ethically sourced to provide ageless beauty for all women.

Kenyan Coffee Lip Polish
One of my favorite products is the Kenyan Coffee Lip Polish: a softening lip scrub that gently removes dry skin to reveal soft, supple lips. I never think to exfoliate my lips but when I used this product I realized I was missing a truly essential piece in my skincare routine! I will never go back to not exfoliating my lips after using this product because it left them feeling so soft and purified.

After using the lip polish, I follow up with either the Red Ginseng Line Smoothing Eye & Lip Cream or the Baobab Lip Balm, which are both super moisturizing. The Eye & Lip Cream is thick and slightly hard like shea butter, but melts as soon as it touches your skin. For me, the Baobab Lip Balm is the perfect complement to the lip polish because it is a rich, non-greasy balm that efficiently replenishes your lips after gently exfoliating them.

Chamomile Soothing Sleep Mask
At night, I like to alternate between the Chamomile Soothing Sleep Mask and the Maracuja & Yangu Soothing Oil after cleansing. Formulated for all skin types, the Chamomile Soothing Sleep Mask goes onto the skin like a creamy lotion, and left my face feeling cool and relaxed. It really is the perfect mask to sleep in because since it is like lotion, it isn’t messy and I wasn’t worried about it rubbing off on my bedding. Upon rinsing it off in the morning, my skin felt softer than ever—it’s almost like it rejuvenated my skin overnight! A lot of masks leave your skin feeling dry before rinsing and I was quite pleased that this one didn’t. Lastly, I always refresh underneath my eyes with the Quinoa De-puffing & Firming Eye Cream, which does exactly what it promises and is a total must for those days when I just don’t get enough sleep.

Since I do have oily/acne-prone skin, I was super apprehensive about using the Maracuja & Yangu Soothing Oil. But, I did my research and discovered that many of the oils in this product like argan oil, jojoba oil, shea butter, safflower oil: are actually good for acne-prone skin. What’s great about this product is that even though it’s oil-based, it’s thick like a serum and made my skin feel moisturized and not greasy or oily.
Nayakio Beauty IG
So if you’re looking for some products to help give you glowing summer skin, or even to implement into your self-care routine, I would definitely recommend that you give the Nyakio products a try! They smell and feel amazing and might be just the pick-me-up your skin needs!

Will you give Nyakio products a try or have you tried them?
Kanisha is a Christian writer/author based in Augusta, GA. Other than CurlyNikki.com, she has also written for BlackNaps.organd Devozine, and has authored a book of poetry entitled, "Love Letters from the Master." Kanisha can be contacted for business inquiries at kanishaparks@gmail.com

6 Yellow Flags That Make Me Automatically Not Trust You

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By Kira Sparkles

We judge each other constantly. You do, I definitely do. From where to eat and who our friends are, judgment is with us every step of the way. We need our judgment. It’s gotten us this far as a species.

When it comes to judging others, there are little things in place that make our brains put up red flags to keep us safe. For example, people who are rude to service people get red flags. Other than glaringly obvious behaviors, I want to talk about the smaller yellow flags.

While red flags scream for you to get the f*ck out of a situation or away from a person, yellow flags are softer. If you know a person and they exude some kind of behavior that isn’t necessarily bad, but you know you wouldn’t trust them with any of your secrets, heartfelt emotions or children then you have a yellow flag. You know this person, you’re nice to this person, but at the end of the day, it ain’t that deep. Everyone’s list varies when it comes to these yellow flags, so I thought I would put together a listicle of my own personal yellow flags.

1. Any Tattoos Above The Shoulders
Our skin is the largest organ on the body. We have roughly twenty-two square feet of it. Your skin could fill an average doorway. That’s a gross/cool fact, right? Essentially, you have a doorway’s worth of skin to ink up. Now, I personally don’t have tattoos, but I know if I had one, I would put it either on a leg or somewhere on my torso. Anywhere that I know I could still land a job at the end of the day.

Still, there exist a group of people that decide their first tattoo and sometimes ONLY tattoo is going to be on their neck. Or their face. And I’ve never seen a good neck or face tattoo that has stood on its own. You could have gone with a bicep. Or a leg. Or your back. But your neck? Really?

Exceptions: Tattoo Artists. You’re literally wearing your calling card. I get it. I’ll give this one to Rockstars too, but only by a small margin.

2. Writing Paragraphs Under Instagram Posts
We live in a time where social media is more relevant than ever in our lives. We have multiple outlets to communicate from. Personally, my favorite medium is Instagram. I get to see sunsets and dance parties and my friends having fun. It’s brief, it’s simple, it’s kind of the best.

Still, there’s that certain echelon of people that want to complicate the process of simplicity by deciding to tell their WHOLE LIFE’S STORY under ONE PICTURE. And if this was just ONE picture, I’d be like “Oh, okay. You’re deep in your feelings,” or “Clearly, this needed context!” (Spoiler: 99% of the time it doesn’t) Just start a blog. It’s not that hard.

Exceptions: Businesses. The hustle is real.

3. People Who Order Nonfat, No Foam, Extra Hot Lattes
I actually hate you.
Exceptions: None. I’m judging you, Becky.

4. People Trying WAY TOO HARD With Their Wokeness
“Woke” is the trendy thing to be. Let’s be real. Knowing that ‘Black Lives Matter’ exists as a movement, agreeing that Black Panther IS the greatest Marvel movie ever, knowing exactly why N.W.A. wrote a song called “Fuck Tha Police” and not “Fuck Tha Fire Department”. You get it.

But do you, though?

Listen, I appreciate anyone who is knowledgeable and is taking their time to figure out what the hell is going on around them, but you don’t have to flex those woke muscles at every chance you get. I get it. I do. You want to separate yourself from “those” white people and show that you’re one of the cool whites. But ironically, I trust you a little less because while you may KNOW about these things, what are you doing?

I’m not expecting every single person to show up for the protest. Even I don’t do that. However, if you wholeheartedly believe what you’re talking about, fight injustice when you see it. Even if it makes everyone around you uncomfortable. Don’t just talk a big game. Practice what you preach, because lip service is free.

Exceptions: Baby wokes. They’re so cute. They just want to tell you what they’ve learned. Give the babies more literature!

5. Anyone Wearing Crocs In 2018
This doesn’t need an explanation.
Exceptions: Service workers. The struggle is ALSO real.

6. People Vaguebooking
This is a term used for anyone that puts a status that’s so vague and yet gives no explanation as to why they’re feeling the way they feel. When pressed for an answer they don’t want to talk about it. Come on, son.
Exceptions: Rappers about to drop the hottest album of the year.

These might come off as petty, but we all have yellow flags. I’d love to hear yours in the comments!
Kira is a passionate, outspoken writer keeping it real for the people. She's a UF graduate with a soft spot for cats. Read more of her work at her blog KiraSparkles!

Tell It Tuesday: The Lesson in Jada Pinkett Smith's 'Red Table Talk'

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L-R: Adrienne Banfield-Norris, Jada Pinkett Smith & Willow Smith 
By Ta-ning Connai

Jada Pinkett Smith is the realest! She's the perfect mix of class and sass, and will go gangsta on any fool who thinks she won't! She’s the reigning queen of killer abs and balances work and fam like nobody's business. All of which is why she'll always be my #WomanCrushWednesday every day of the week!

Red Table Talk aired May 7th on Facebook Watch, giving us a sneak peek into the real life connections between Jada, her daughter Willow and her mom, Adrienne Banfield-Norris.

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The show is an incredibly refreshing departure from the “cat-fighting, dog-chasing, housewives, girlfriends, sidechicks, flakey fiances, baby mama drama” that reality TV currently provides and is a reminder that women can be cool, calm and self-contained and STILL maintain longevity in the game. The premiere episode was in honor of Mothers Day and the very first guest was Sheree Zampino, the ex-wife of Will Smith and the mother of his first child, Trey. Wait a minute, that's two wives in the same room...somebody say SHOCKED AND AMAZED!

I remember years ago, when Jada and Will first became an item, and I could imagine that this “changing of the guard” kinda situation must've been tough and filled with many “I’m ‘bout to drag her by the hair" moments. And nobody in their right mind easily relinquishes their very own child into the arms of a stranger, especially one who appears to be benefiting off of your loss. But Jada realized early on that a power trippin’ tug of war would only rip Trey apart, and she nor Sheree wanted that. So she decided to build a relationship with her hubby's ex, so as to be a better “bonus mom" (Sheree calls her that!) to a little boy suddenly placed into her care.

L-R: Sheree holding Jaden; Trey holding Willow; Jada hugging Trey
Jada demonstrated love through her actions. She honored Sheree. She respected her. She tore down territorial lines, had her over for dinners and even invited her to sleep over during the holidays (in a different room OF COURSE). Who does this??? Jada! And who responded rightly? Sheree! These women showed the world that YES we can all get along, IF we try. Doesn't mean it wasn't an arduous road, both ladies will attest to that. But they committed to a journey that gave ease to a child who would have otherwise experienced the detriment of divorce like most kids do. Trey could not lose, because he didn't have to chose, all because his two moms opted for peace.

Romans 12:18 urges us, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” But let's be real, what happened for the Smith’s might not happen for all of us. Some people are accustomed to disharmony, addicted to dysfunction, and choose to continue in strife with those who pose an imaginary threat to relationships they prefer to keep to themselves. But don't worry about them, God is still watching YOU. And as long as you pursue peace, promotion will always find its way into your home.

It would be years before David the shepherd boy (1Samuel 17:12) became King David, ruler over Isreal (2Samuel 5:1). But it was his pursuit of peace with his predecessor, King Saul, that serves as a lesson to us all…

David may have looked like a shabby little thing, but this kid had the courage of a lion. When an army retreated from the terrorist threats made by the giant Goliath, David was like, “Say hello to my little friend!” And before Goliath could finish cracking up laughing...BAM!!!! A deadly blow straight to the dome, and that was the end of that! King Saul saw the whole thing, brought the little boy under his wing and made him a VIP!

But as David grew older in both wisdom and strength, his popularity followed suit. King Saul became mad jealous, kicked poor David to the curb and wouldn't rest until he was dead.

Even while running for his life, David vowed to continue his allegiance to King Saul by loving him in spite of his hateful ways and by showing him the honor and respect he no longer deserved. He even spared the king’s life when he could have taken it in self-defense. David was determined to be a peacemaker. And when his attempts to show love seemed all in vain, God showed up to prove him totally wrong. The Lord demoted Saul by death and promoted David to king, for he had proven he was the best guy for the job.

All promotion is not based on experience, as we can see from the story above. The pursuance of peace, no matter the response, can take us to heights that education, training and reputation cannot. So remember, peace and promotion go hand in hand...if you go after peace, promotion will come after you!

Watch behind-the-scenes footage of Red Table Talk and a sneak peek at future episodes! 


What do you think of the show?!
TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to present Christianity in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of Brooklyn), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie

Onion Juice for Hair Without the Smell

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According to Discovering Natural, onion juice has become one of the most popular hair treatments for hair growth, hair loss and even dandruff, however a lot of people are not using it because of the strong smell. This video shows how to mask the smell so that onion juice can become your hair's new BFF! After watching this video, let us know if you'll try it!

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If you still have onion smell in your hair, do an apple cider vinegar rinse before shampooing your hair. Here is how to do it: 


DiscoveringNatural


Social Media:






Twitter: @sawahtwit

Snapchat: @discovernatural

Seriously Though? A Woman Said She Saw Burglars. They Were Just Black Airbnb Guests.

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“Got surrounded by the police for being black in a white neighborhood,” wrote one of the guests (the granddaughter of Bob Marley). Credit Kelly Fyffe-Marshall, via IG

By Daniel Victor
It was an entirely routine moment: Four people exited the home they had rented on Airbnb in Rialto, Calif., and loaded suitcases into their car.

Within minutes, several police cars had arrived and the group was being questioned as a helicopter flew overhead. A neighbor who didn’t recognize them had reported a possible burglary, the police said.

They were in fact four creative professionals in town for an event. Now the three black people in the group are suing the Rialto Police Department, saying they were unfairly treated during the April 30 encounter.

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The Slave Who Taught Jack Daniel how to Make Whiskey is Getting His Just Due, Thanks to This Woman.

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Photo of Fawn Weaver via The New York Times
By Mwabi Kaira

I didn’t know who Fawn Weaver or Nearest Green were before I watched a Breakfast Club interview recently. The interview was so intriguing that I did some more research because I had to know more. Fawn Weaver was on vacation in Singapore the summer of 2016 when she read about Nearest Green (born Nathan Green), the Lynchburg Tennessee slave who taught Jack Daniel how to make whiskey. Jack Daniel's, the global whiskey brand had its beginnings from a slave? Wow. Fawn was impressed too and soaked up the story; she wanted to learn everything she could about the slave she had to read about all the way in Singapore, and his importance to such a well-known global brand.

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Nearest Green, Unidentified White Worker, and Jack Daniel (right)
A main focus in the article that Fawn read was that the Jack Daniel's Distillery would embrace Green’s legacy and change its tours to emphasize his role. Fawn booked her flight to Tennessee to experience what the article promised and was surprised to find nothing in the three distilleries she toured. Instead of leaving Tennessee and chalking it up to a wasted trip, Fawn conducted her own research and contacted Green’s descendants who still lived in the area. Then she started looking through archives in Tennessee, Georgia and Washington, D.C and created a timeline of Green’s relationship with Daniel. The timeline showed how Green had taught Jack Daniel how to distill and also worked for him after the Civil War. Fawn believes that Nearest Green was the first black master distiller in America. 

She knew there was a story to be told after consuming the 1967 book ‘Jack Daniel’s Legacy’ where Green and his sons were mentioned more than 50 times in the height of the civil rights era.

Fawn says,
"To have another family, a black family, mentioned that many times is insane, that's how I knew the story was a little more special."
Fawn Weaver on a farm in Lynchburg, Tenn., where Nearest Green and Jack Daniel first began distilling whiskey together. Nathan Morgan/The New York Times
Next she located the farm in Lynchburg where the two men began distilling, and bought it. But she wasn’t done, she also bought a four-acre parcel in the center of town that she intends to turn into a memorial park. Fawn is working on a book about Green and has even introduced Uncle Nearest 1856, a premium aged whiskey that mimics the style of whiskey that Green and Daniel more than likely introduced to the marketplace. Talk about boss moves!

Who could imagine that one newspaper article on the other side of the world would ignite a fire in a black woman that would result in a whiskey, a pending book, possible movie, a soon-to-be-built distillery in Shelbyville, and the Nearest Green Foundation that strives to uphold and share Green’s legacy with the world. Fawn is an inspiration to us all!


Learn more about the Nearest Green Foundation 

Did you know about this important part of black history?
Mwabi Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world.  She is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993.  Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy.  She has been an avid runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon.  Keep up with her athttp://africanbeautifulme.blogspot.com/

This Financial Behaviorist is Helping Women Make Better Choices Around Money

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Photo: Frederick V. Nielsen, II 
By Sharon Pendana 

Financial behaviorist, coach and author, Jacquette M. Timmons has two great obsessions: shoes, and getting people to see that "you don't manage money - you manage your choices around money." Though she left home at sixteen to study shoe design in New York City, an encounter with an Estee Lauder exec opened an entirely different path— to finance. She was hired as her assistant, then moved with her to Wall Street. At Bankers Trust (now Deutsche Bank) Jacquette worked her way up and moved over to the private bank, while working on her MBA in finance. In 1995, she started her own company, Sterling Investment Management, to focus on two specific arms: consumer-facing, with one-on-one coaching for singles, couples, and entrepreneurs, and institutional-facing, with workshops, panels, and speaking engagements. The common thread always people’s choices and relationship with money.

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It seems you've found your niche; you are a financial behaviorist. What, exactly, does that mean? As a financial behaviorist, I focus on the human side of money by helping people prioritize their behavior, choices, and emotions with money - over the math of money. Behavioral economics and behavioral finance are disciplines that have been around for quite some time. The interest for me in the behavioral side started back in 1987 with the Black Monday stock market crash. While some people were freaking out, others remained totally calm. That fascinated me; what did they each know and what didn’t they know that contributed to their different reactions?

What inspired your book, Financial Intimacy: How to Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Money and Your Mate?
One of my dearest friends died unexpectedly; he was absolutely an up-and-up guy, but he and his wife, also my friend, kept everything separate—there was a lot that she did not know about his finances. Then the father of a friend died, and that’s when her mother discovered they were $500,000 in debt — and not from their mortgage. Finally, I had a coaching client, who on paper is the epitome of financial success: a Wharton MBA, working on Wall Street, a high six-figure salary, day-to-day matters of money were not an issue whatsoever yet she and her boyfriend fought all the time about money. During our coaching engagement, we did the work to pinpoint what the issue was and pinpoint what to do about it. But what struck me with all three of those scenarios was what conversations are these smart, college-educated, professionals not having? What is it that couples are not talking about that leave women vulnerable when it comes to money. I started doing workshops called "Women, Money, and Romance" and every time I would do one, people wanted more. Financial Intimacy sprung from there; wanting to explore the intersection of love and money, but also looking at it from a social critic’s perspective. The numbers matter, but I dare say even more important are the emotional aspects of money and why you make the choices that you make.

Jacquette with Jonathan of Stella 34 Trattoria before the start of a The Comfort Circle™ dinner.

Fostering honest dialogue about money is a key component of your practice. Tell us about your recently launched dinner conversation series.
The Comfort Circle™ dinners where we talk about money, business and life over food and wine was created to give people an environment to feel comfortable talking about money. The dinner is kept small, no more than twelve people to foster intimacy. Each month has a different theme. I create a run-of-show that includes question prompts and exercises that guide our discussion over dinner so that people walk away with a concrete takeaway of how they can apply the evening’s theme into their life and business.

Give us three bits of "Sterling" advice to offer Curly Nikki readers.
One, have a financial vision for your life. What it is you want money to do for you? What is it you would like to have happen? These questions are not just about the dollars and cents, but bring clarity to your financial vision.

Two, pay attention to your financial habits. Dedicate a day for just journaling the things you do with money, the thoughts you have about money and take a look and see what message you might be getting from the patterns that emerge.

And finally, stop putting money matters on the back burner. Nurture that relationship.

Do you have a healthy relationship with money?
Sharon Pendana is the creator of THE TROVE, author of Secret Washington DCand on a relentless quest to discover treasures, human and otherwise. Find her on Instagram, Medium,Twitter or binging on Netflix and Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps.
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