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- 08/07/18--08:25: _Tell It Tuesday: Wh...
- 08/08/18--06:45: _The top 5 Ingredien...
- 08/08/18--07:16: _Is it Time for Ray ...
- 08/08/18--07:22: _Why It's Good to be...
- 08/09/18--06:39: _The Problem with Ca...
- 08/09/18--07:46: _How to Wash Protect...
- 08/09/18--10:39: _News Reporter Who R...
- 08/10/18--06:32: _ 1 REALLY Great Rea...
- 08/10/18--06:34: _Gabrielle Union Has...
- 08/10/18--06:38: _Sorry Ladies, Likin...
- 08/13/18--06:55: _Is the Man You're D...
- 08/13/18--06:58: _How Lena Waithe’s N...
- 08/13/18--06:59: _BET's 'Killer Curve...
- 08/14/18--07:55: _9 Things a Black Gi...
- 08/14/18--07:57: _Tell It Tuesday: Na...
- 08/14/18--07:59: _The Secret to Why B...
- 08/15/18--06:47: _Caribbean-Born Danc...
- 08/15/18--06:47: _4 Lessons Learned f...
- 08/15/18--06:48: _4 Takeaways From Di...
- 08/16/18--08:36: _ Omar Epps Pens Mem...
- 08/16/18--08:41: _The National Museum...
- 08/16/18--08:45: _The Unbelievable Re...
- 08/17/18--07:57: _Nikki's Mom Talks G...
- 08/17/18--07:58: _10 Signs You're a "...
- 08/17/18--08:02: _Aretha Franklin: 7 ...
- 08/07/18--08:25: Tell It Tuesday: What Slim Thug Gets Wrong About Ciara Leveling Up
- 08/08/18--06:45: The top 5 Ingredients to Find in a Bomb Ass Moisturizer
- 08/08/18--07:16: Is it Time for Ray J's Mom to Butt Out of His Business?
- 08/08/18--07:22: Why It's Good to be In Your Feelings. #BeHerNow
- 08/09/18--06:39: The Problem with Career Envy
- 08/09/18--07:46: How to Wash Protective Braid Styles This Summer
- 08/10/18--06:32: 1 REALLY Great Reason to Drink Kombucha Tea!
- 08/10/18--06:34: Gabrielle Union Has Adenomyosis: What It Is And 5 Things To Know
- 08/10/18--06:38: Sorry Ladies, Liking IG Photos is not Shooting Your Shot. This Is.
- 08/13/18--06:55: Is the Man You're Dating Financially Responsible to Your Kids?
- 08/13/18--06:58: How Lena Waithe’s New Haircut is Making Us Gayer
- 08/13/18--06:59: BET's 'Killer Curves' Shows the Risks for a Bigger Booty
- 08/14/18--07:55: 9 Things a Black Girl Can Do in Istanbul Alone
- 08/14/18--07:57: Tell It Tuesday: Naturi Naughton & the Art of the Comeback
- 08/15/18--06:47: Caribbean-Born Dancer Kyle Patrick is Naturally Glam!
- 08/15/18--06:47: 4 Lessons Learned from 1 Year Relaxed After 7 Years of Natural Hair
- 08/15/18--06:48: 4 Takeaways From Diddy's Life of Love Via The Gram
- 08/16/18--08:36: Omar Epps Pens Memoir on Fatherhood After Growing Up Fatherless
- 08/17/18--07:57: Nikki's Mom Talks Graying Gracefully in USA Today!
- 08/17/18--07:58: 10 Signs You're a "PICK ME" Woman
- 08/17/18--08:02: Aretha Franklin: 7 Unforgettable Moments from a Queen
|Slim Thug & The Wilson's|
We haven't heard from Slim Thug since he spit rhymes on Beyonce's “Check On It” way back in 2006. And based on the rapper’s recent backlash he’s incurred, he’s probably wishing we weren't hearing from him now.
During a radio interview last week, the Houston native was asked if he thought a girl could date a good guy after having dated bad boys for a while. And that's when he decided, for no reason at all, to drag Ciara and her husband ‘cross the living room floor! He basically said that Ciara had a thing for street dudes and since she ended up with Russell Wilson, it must be all about the dough. He called Wilson corny, a square, lame and not cool...meanwhile, he just bought a pair of Russell's Nike shoes! Yo Slim, you had the nerve to tell the world you’re an undercover fan? But the worst part was when Slim said Ciara ain't changed and can’t adapt to a good man 😲.
Now, first of all, why is it ALWAYS the broke guys worried about rich guys and their money? Have you ever noticed that you never hear true ballers ever trippin’ off stuff like that? And who wouldn't change after being burnt out by a purple drankin,’ percocet poppin,’ FIVE baby mama havin,’ sleeping with other men’s wives kinda dude like Future??? It's not fair to haul words like square at guys that treat women right, but reserve cool and swag for guys that are a bunch of ratchet jerks. I don't know about you, but I’m all the way done glamorizing it’s “about that life." It’s a mighty good time we redefine what a REAL TRUE MAN looks like.
Slim Thug did apologize, IF you can even call it that. All he did was shift the blame, as if the editing was the cause for his effect. He attempted to drastically rephrase his words, with the “what I was trying to say was…” bit, but believe it or not, go listen for yourself, he ended up saying the SAME thing.
It's amazing how many people will deny Ciara’s growth and remain silent about her ex’s decline. When will we accept, some people wanna change? And since Future did not...Ciara leveled up!
There was this one lady looking for a change. (John 4:4-42) Samaritans were the most despised people in the land and since she also had too many exes and a live-in at the crib, she rarely showed her face in the morning. But what do you do when you're dying of thirst and the well is in the middle of town? You do like she did, go on the down low, and pray no one comes around. So that was her plan this one afternoon, expecting everybody to be at work. But there was Jesus, just chillin’ in the cut, but she kept doin’ what she came to do. He yells out, “Hey ma, gimme a drink,” and she had to do a double take. She goes, “What are you doing talking to me, don't you know that's against the rules?” She was surprised He even looked in her eyes, ‘cause no one ever did that; most Jews won't even dare take that route, just to avoid the people that they hate.
Now I know it sounds like Jesus was playing Big Boss, getting this lady to serve him and what not. But what He was actually doing was showing and proving that she was valued and deserved His attention. This woman had been shamed and overlooked to the point she couldn't hardly come outside, but Jesus was like, “I see you girl, so come on, you ain't gotta hide.”
Jesus kept on chatting it up with this lady by the well, and as time went by He said some things as if He knew her. He knew she desperately wanted to change, but she felt she already blew it, and then He revealed He was the Son of God and she was like, “OMG, I KNEW IT!” Just being in His presence and feeling so loved by the way He sought her out, she shook off her past and ran real fast to tell errbody the Messiah was in town! Many people's lives changed by the testimony that she spoke and this once disgraced woman became the first female Evangelist the world has ever known!
Let's stop shaming the goodie-two-shoes, especially the ones that came late on that train. People are not born into who they'll become, it takes change to end up that way. So listen up sis, I'm talking to you, don't let anybody tell you who you can be. No matter what you did or what you didn't do, God can help you change if you really want to.
|Photo of Yara Shahidi via IG|
There are countless choices of moisturizers vying for our attention, which makes choosing the right moisturizer a daunting task. Are lotions and creams the same thing? Which one is appropriate for your skin type? Keep reading to discover the essentials of a bomb moisturizer and what to consider when shopping for one.
So how does a moisturizer work and why do you need it?
Water originates in the deeper layers of our skin and moves towards the surface of the skin to hydrate cells in the top layer of skin. It is eventually lost to evaporation. To prevent this loss of water, the outermost layer of our skin, the epidermis — has the ability to produce a protective barrier made up of different components that maintain the adequate hydration of skin. Hydrating our skin is key to sustaining its elasticity, preventing infection, avoiding dehydration and chemical damage, and promoting natural shedding of dead skin.
When our skin is damaged, its repair is dependent upon preventing loss of moisture from the skin. The role of a moisturizer is to reduce water loss by restoring the barrier and increasing hydration in skin with ingredients that are the same or similar to natural components that our skin produces. These ingredients fall under three categories: occlusive, humectant, or emollient ingredients.
Occlusive ingredients form a physical barrier on the topmost layer of the skin, preventing water loss or evaporation. Humectants attract water into skin cells by drawing moisture from the deeper layers of the skin and rarely from the environment. It makes the skin resistant to drying conditions. Emollients improve the skin’s softness by lubricating and filling in the spaces between rough or dry skin cells, resulting in smooth skin.
Moisturizing lotions contain 65-85% water and are great for oily skin. Creams contain less water and more oils which are great for normal skin. Ointments are oil-based with minimum amount or no water; they are great for dry skin and locking in moisture.
Now that you understand the makeup of moisturizers, here are Dermatologist Dr. Adeline N.'s (BrownSkinDerm) recommendations of the top five ingredients to look for in an effective moisturizer:
Hyaluronic Acid (HA)
A key must-have ingredient in moisturizers, hyaluronic acid has a high water binding capacity and holds up to 1,000 times its weight in skin. Unfortunately our skin’s HA decreases with age but may be replenished with HA-containing moisturizers such as in Neutrogena® Hydro Boost Water Gel, which is one of the best HA moisturizers on the shelf. It promotes good skin turgor, makes skin look plump and youthful.
A powerful humectant that attracts moisture from the environment and from the deeper layers of the skin to the outermost layer. It also helps keep the skin from losing moisture through evaporation.
A very effective occlusive ingredient widely used in many moisturizers.
It forms a barrier on the outermost layer of your skin to lock in moisture and is great to use after warm showers to trap moist steam. It can feel greasy and uncomfortable when applied during the day; however, Aquafor’s Advanced Ointment Body Spray is a lightweight, non-greasy formula that allows the skin to lock in hydration.
Vital standout ingredients naturally found in all layers of the skin to help retain moisture and maintain the skin’s natural protective barrier. Ceramides in skin decline with old age, resulting in dry skin. Great for patients with excema or sensitive, dry skin.
Cerave is famous for including ceramides in their products and their Cerave Moisturizing Cream is widely loved by dermatologists. It keeps your skin soft and moisturized all day long without making it oily or greasy. I personally have been using Cerave’s moisturizing cream and cleansers for several months now and have noticed a significant increase in my skin’s elasticity and moisture retention. Not to mention my acne is finally under control!
Comprises of both glycolic & lactic acid that serve not one but two vital skin functions. As humectants, they hydrate skin by drawing moisture from the environment into skin and as exfoliants strip away dead skin to reveal more smooth, brighter and an even complexion. AmLactin Alpha-Hydroxy Therapy Daily Moisturizing Body Lotion is a great lactic acid-based moisturizer suitable for the entire body, especially acne prone skin.
L'Oréal Paris Revitalift Bright Reveal Brightening Dual Overnight Moisturizer with 4% Glycolic acid and CANE + AUSTIN Facial Moisture Cream 10% Glycolic Acid are very effective hydrating products that also help with acne, hyperpigmentation & rejuvenating skin.
Don’t sleep on the importance of having a proper moisturizer in your skin routine. It will prevent wrinkles and aging skin, keeping your skin looking healthy and youthful no matter the season.
I’ve noticed a trend when it comes to “our” reality shows; mothers of grown black men stay in their business. First there was Mama Jones on Love and Hip Hop New York, who stayed in Jim Jones and Chrissy’s relationship in the first season back in 2011. She didn’t like not being her son’s number one priority after Chrissy came along, and it doesn’t seem that things have gotten any better since the three of them went on to appear on Marriage Boot Camp. Then there’s Scrappy’s Mama, Momma Dee, on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, who proudly proclaims to be the Queen of Scrappy’s castle in the Atlanta franchise and doesn’t want anyone knocking her off her throne. Not to be outdone, we now have Sonja Norwood, mom to Ray J, and her sidekick Brandy on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, all up in his business.
The bond between mothers and sons is very strong and special. Our natural inclination as mothers is to hold them close forever but we can’t. We have to let them go and change our parenting dynamic once they grow up. When I got divorced 8 years ago, I made a conscious decision to not make my sons my little husbands. They wanted to hang out with me when they saw me at home alone, but I pushed them out to live their lives. I didn’t want us to be so codependent on each other and not know what to do when girlfriends enter the picture.
|Photo via Princess Love IG|
Both women must have forgotten the super confidence that comes with being pregnant because Princess lets them have it. Sonja insists on a public apology from Princess and she tells her mother-in-law that she should be demanding that her son apologize to his wife. At one point, Sonja tells Princess to never forget that Ray-J is HER son proving that the reins aren’t going to be loosened anytime soon. The most disturbing part about watching the scene is Ray-J and his father doing very little to stop the ladies from going back and forth. The entire thing could have been over with just one word from either one of them.
Our jobs as mothers never end whether our sons are 27, 37, or 67. We have to understand that there is a difference between mothering young children and adult children. When our sons leave our homes, we have to trust that we’ve done our jobs and let them come to us when they need us. Being a part of all their decisions as adults and still steering the ship only cripples them. There is no reason to be in the middle of our children’s romantic relationships unless they’re in danger. What the Norwood’s are missing is that in this age of social media, authenticity is key. Being authentic automatically builds and protects the brand. Since the birth of Melody, Ray-J and Princess’s daughter, fans love them even more for sharing their new parenting journey. That’s authenticity at its best and their brand is thriving because of it. No one wants controlled perfection, that was left in the 90’s and 2000’s. Someone let Sonja know. Maybe then she’ll butt out.
"The idea is to simply identify what you are feeling, and then watch that feeling to see what happens. Remarkably, all feelings have inner peace at their root. So when you quietly observe any feeling, you will soon arrive at inner peace.
If you’re experiencing a very strong emotion, then you will be overtaken by it. You only need to wait until it quiets down a bit and then innocently watch it until it finally dissolves into that quiet, always-available inner peace. If you are negative, don’t try to change what you are feeling. Let your inner peace do that for you. You just need to watch the negative feeling without trying to do anything, and miraculously, your inner peace will shine through.”
- Frank Kinslow, “Eufeeling”
I saw a talk where Eckhart Tolle recommends you say, ‘well of course I feel this way!’ whenever a ‘negative’ emotion shows up. Then, instead of resistance, there’s an allowing, a welcoming. Resist your knee jerk reaction to resist, avoid, or judge the ‘negative’ energy. Don’t even label it ‘negative.’ Just look... observe this neutral, intense energy like you’re watching a movie about someone else. Watch that energy move without giving it a story of why it’s there or why it shouldn’t be there, because it is! In that moment, it couldn’t be any other way. So accept that energy movement the way you accept your joy. This acceptance is the healing. This acceptance is the miracle you’ve been hoping for. Finally feel your emotions to #behernow
By Kaila Kea
For many women of color, working hard is nothing new. Balancing love, life, and career is natural to you. In fact, you don’t know how to walk away from a challenge without giving it your all. Although this sense of determination can serve us well, it can also drive us toward career envy.
Here's a video I did showing how I wash my crochet braids after returning from a week-long cruise filled with swimming in chlorine and salt water. Hope it's helpful! -Discovering Natural
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By Erickka Sy Savané
When news reporter Dana Whyte of Michigan recently took to her twitter account to profess that she had worn her her natural hair on-camera for the first time, ending an internal struggle that had plagued her since the beginning of her career, I thought, "Whoa, baby, we still got work to do!"
|Louisville, KY high school ban|
By Kira Sparkles
After being sick for nearly a week, with no appetite and unable to stomach anything except for a little water, I woke up feeling like an entirely new woman, like I was never sick in the first damn place. I felt radiant and amazing and my mood was sky high! It’s going to sound crazy, but I owe this to a fizzy, fermented tea called Kombucha. It sounds like some white, hippie bullshit but let me wax poetic and make you care for a second.
Kombucha is absolutely amazing because first of all, it’s packed with probiotics. You’ve no doubt heard about probiotics because that’s what’s in yogurt (Activia, anyone?). Probiotics are the bacteria that’s good for you, but specifically, good for your gut. We neglect our gut and when that happens it can lead to diarrhea or even IBS. However, making kombucha a regular part of your diet helps fend off against that. But that’s not all! It’s been known to boost your immunity, help digestion and give you a boost of vitamin B, antioxidants and folic acid. Now, I’m not claiming kombucha is some kind of magic cure all, but after being at death’s door for nearly a week, then drinking it for 3 days to find myself feeling refreshed and filled with energy, maybe there’s something to it. After all, it’s nothing new. This drink was traced back to 220 B.C. in China. It’s made from tea, water, sugar and a SCOBY! (That stands for symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast). It forms as a mushroom-like layer that sits at the top and gives all those benefits.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Kira, that’s cool and all but that sounds like a science project.” I get it. It sounds weird, but I will say if you like ANY kind of alcohol, it ALSO goes through a similar process as kombucha….But I’m not going to lie, the first time I tried kombucha, I didn’t like it. Sometimes kombucha can be too tart or almost have a slight vinegar taste. The only reason I was willing to give it a second try was because the brand I bought from had multiple flavors and there was a sale. In saying all of that and after much trial and error, I would recommend to anyone trying it for the first time to buy a flavor from Synergy called ‘Divine Grape’. It tastes like a less sweet grape soda and is by far my favorite. I also really like Synergy’s ‘Multi Green.’ It’s sweet, mellow and a little nutty. At its best, drinking kombucha is like having a less sweet soda - and could replace soda for you!
Where can you find it?
With its growing popularity, the formulas and flavors have only gotten better. You might even be able to find a local business that makes kombucha. In my town, there’s a place that has apple cinnamon kombucha that tastes absolutely incredible. If you’re feeling REALLY adventurous, you could try making it yourself, but if you do that be careful. I’m 100% here for the DIY life, but make sure to follow any recipe you find carefully and sanitize everything you use to avoid bad bacteria. Otherwise, you can find kombucha just about anywhere. Even Walmart is carrying kombucha now. It usually costs two or three bucks per bottle at most. Really, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
|Photo Getty Images|
Earlier this week, I saw a meme on The Shade Room that didn’t initially strike me as anything special. Usually, I like to go into the comments and check the pulse of the culture to see what people have to say about a certain topic. But with this, I just kept scrolling. Nothing to see there. It wasn’t until I saw my friend like it and then I saw it again on an associate’s page, that I decided to read it again to see if I missed some type of profound truth. Women were actually saying that they consider liking several Instagram pictures in succession to be a form of shooting their shot.
|Shade Room IG Post|
I don’t have to tell y’all that many men aren’t experts in recognizing and understanding the meaning behind body language and other non-verbal cues. I’ve seen women laugh hysterically, dislocate their necks flipping their hair, and damn near wear a hole in a man’s sleeve petting him-- and the brotha still walked away completely oblivious to the fact that she was trying to get with him. More often than not, men need things spelled out for them...explicitly.
I have to admit that part of the reason I’m writing this is so the notion that liking Instagram pictures to express romantic interest doesn’t become a thing. Things will get very sticky and problematic for the women who are just liking pictures for art’s sake. I can see mad unsolicited and unwanted dick pics in DMs if this continues.
Furthermore ladies, if we’re going to complain about men not putting forth enough effort when it comes to dating and getting to know us, we have to be willing to do the same. The same clarity of intention we expect from men, we should be willing to deliver. In other words, if you’re going to go against the grain and shoot your shot, really shoot your shot. I know some of us just started feeling comfortable putting ourselves out there in this way. So here’s a suggestion. If you’re really bout it, you slide in his DMs and tell him that you like what you see, that you would like to get to know him better. Hell, maybe even suggest an event you all can attend together. That’s a message no one can misinterpret and if he’s interested, he can take it from there. In the words of my mother, “I’m not telling you what I’ve heard. I’m telling you what I know.” I did this in college when Facebook was everything. And I got my date...and a couple after that. Since I was successful, I consider it a good experience.
And I think this is at the crux of the reasons why women want to like pictures and consider themselves Millennial Macks. We don’t have to be confronted with any type of real rejection. Believe you me, I get it. Rejection is unpleasant. It’s hell on the ego. But this is what men go through whenever they get up the nerve to ask a woman out. And if you really want to flip the script, buck tradition, then you have to be willing to see how the other side lives. It’s tough but it’s better than spending months wondering if you could have had a connection with someone outside of your phone screen.
|Ciara, Russell Wilson and Ciara's Son|
Coming into a relationship with children can add layers of difficulties. A mother and child are a packaged deal, so when you date her, you essentially date her kid(s) also. The reality is, there are risks associated with dating a woman with children. And, if you decide to go steady, those risks turn into obligations. There is an expectation that once a man becomes seriously involved that he should take an active role in her children’s lives both emotionally and even financially. But how much should a man contribute financially to his girlfriend’s children? That’s the question and debate that was sparked after this social media post.
|Post Via TheShadeRoom|
Every relationship is different. My mom was in a relationship with my stepdad for 16 years. They began dating when I was 2, married when I was 9 and divorced when I was 18. I lived primarily with my mom and they shared the financial responsibility for our household. We took family vacations together, he took me`to and from school via carpool, attended parent teacher conferences in place of my mom and dad when they were unable to and so on. But, whatever my stepdad did, came secondary to my dad, who has always been 100% present in my life - holidays were blended, family photos were still taken, etc. It was was established from the very beginning of their relationship that my dad was first. I remember every Christmas my stepdad would ask me what I wanted, and he’d splurge; but, I never flat out asked him for anything, simply because I did not have to. Anything my stepdad provided was considered extra.
But not every co-parenting relationship is as seamless. I know plenty of relationships where the biological father is absent or involved very little financially, leaving the burden on the mother. So when stepdads, or men who take on the role of a father figure while they are in relationships with women who have children, accept the role of breadwinner, the larger conversation centers around is there a firm discussion of what he does and does not pay for, if anything at all?
In an article on MadameNoire titled “Let Him Tell It: Helping Out A Woman You’re Dating Is Noble, But It’s Still A Courtesy,” the author (a male) explores the text conversation with both angles in mind: the one who helps out financially for his girlfriend’s children - and the one who objects and feels it isn’t his responsibility. He even suggests that the idea of providing for a woman and her child is an old school concept with millennial men opting out of that idea. He states:
“The newer generation of guys, for lack of a better term, isn’t with the sh-ts. They will ask why money is needed, which is valid. Once it’s learned that money is for a woman’s kids, they will question the fathers’ involvement which is, again, valid. Now an old school guy’s logic may be, “Let me show you what a man is supposed to do.” Guys from this generation may see this as an opportunity to be very frank about a woman’s decision making regarding whom she has children with. And that’s exactly what we saw in the situation above.”Ultimately, the author comes to the conclusion that a man assisting a woman financially, for whatever reason, is a noble act, but simply a courtesy.
The most common reaction from this was, “It’s just $20. He should have just given it to her.” That is true. Especially, if we are looking at this from the viewpoint of the two being exclusive. In a partnership, we should be able to rely on one another for help when we are down and not scold one another for doing so. But he mentions that a field trip, in his eyes, is not a necessity, so that justifies his no. When you eliminate the other back-and-forth about baby daddies not stepping up, them not being married etc. and focus on the substance portion of the argument, both are solid perspectives.
Ultimately, the lesson to take from this is laying out expectations of the man you are dating and for that man to understand that when he commits to a woman (assuming they are in a relationship) who has children, he will likely run into a situation such as this.
When I saw Lena Waithe recently, sporting her new do on the red carpet, my first thought was, “Oh shit, she looks like a straight up dude.”
I mean, she was no Hollywood glam queen in the first place, but the locs did add a pinch of femininity. And funny enough, when she explained why she cut it, it was that femininity that had to go. She joked,
“I’ve gotten gayer guys. I felt like I was holding onto a piece of femininity that would make the world feel comfortable with who I am.”It was kinda crazy to hear that Lena Waithe, who probably wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress or anything that we couldn’t imagine on Ellen, was holding on to some femininity for us, which could also translate to, I just want to be accepted. And it just goes to show that we don’t know people. Here we are looking at Emmy-award winning, Master of None scene stealing, every day a new show producing Lena, thinking she’s got it made, when all she really wants is to be more of her damn self.
She shared that she thought about cutting her hair for a long time but wondered if she’d fall too much into the category of a “stud” or “butch,” terms to describe gay chicks that look like dudes.
|Lena debuted her new cut via her IG|
Of her newly shaved head, she says,
“I feel so free and so happy and so joyful, and I really stepped into myself. If people call me a butch or call me Sir out in the world — so what? So be it. I’m here with a suit on, not a stitch of makeup, and a haircut — I feel like, ‘Why can’t I exist in the world in that way?'”You can, Lena. And funny enough, it’s that freedom that really speaks to so many of us. I mean, how many things do we do so others can feel more comfortable? I shave my legs and underarms not because I want to but because I’m afraid of what others will think. I cover my gray hair because I don’t want you to think I’m old, and sometimes I second guess my writing because I don’t want to offend anyone. How many of us show up to work in hairstyles that are ‘acceptable’ when we really wanna rock our natural curls or fro? We’re constantly masking our true selves.
I remember some months ago a gay friend of the more fem persuasion was telling me and another friend how she wanted to start dressing more masculine. She said it reflected more of how she felt inside. My advice was to ‘do you’ but the other friend, straight like me, was less encouraging, and even tried telling her that what she was feeling was probably just a phase. A part of me understood where the other friend was coming from because being a feminine gay woman is a lot easier than being one in a suit. One screams gay but what about when you wanna tuck in? I haven’t spoken to my friend for a while but when I see her again I hope she’s wearing a suit. I hope when she sees me I have hairy armpits. When I see you at work tomorrow I hope you have a fro that kisses the sky.
|Blac Chyna, Kloe Kardashian & K. Michelle|
The show opened by examining the historical context of the way our butts were both celebrated and exploited through history and pop culture. Dating back to the late 1700s and early 1800s, Europeans put Sara Baartman’s booty on display and used her as entertainment for various shows and slaveholders. While on exhibit, she was forced to strip and dance while onlookers looked in amazement. Commentators used Baartmans experience as a foreshadow and contrast to current times: we were made a mockery of for our natural bodies that’s now turned into us going to extreme lengths to take our booties to bigger heights, literally and figuratively.
There are three ways to surgically augment the booty. The most natural way is a Brazilian butt lift, the transfer of fat from one part of your body to your butt. Butt implants is the second option, which is an implant that voluminizes the butt through insertion above the buttocks. The most common option are injections. They are the quickest filler and can range from silicon to any type of substance. They aren’t FDA approved because of high risks: if injected improperly, an artery could be hit and cause infection, loss of limbs and even death. Because of the costs, injections are commonly done in what’s known as the black market, by underground non-licensed “pumpers.” A normal lift or implant could run upwards of $20k whereas injections are $300 per butt cheek. Women who opt out of injections and want actual surgery travel overseas for procedures, where surgeons charge one third less but are unsafe due to differing preventions. Usher Raymond's ex-wife Tameka Raymond nearly died after getting a procedure done in Brazil.
Two other women shared their traumatic aftermaths. Both became infected, with one’s infection spreading throughout her body that resulted in her having multiple limbs amputated: both butt cheeks, hands and feet. She’s now a motivational speaker who travels to warn other young women against injections.
|Apryl Michelle Brown was left without multiple limbs after butt injections|
Others have died. Latesha Bynum went brain dead after injections were shot into a major artery that traveled to her heart, liver and brain. In the years that injections have become common, 25 people have been reported in the news as dying from them while their “pumpers” receive a 5-year manslaughter sentence. The FDA recently released a national state of emergency report, warning the public to stop with injections.
Despite the widespread attention on the dangers of injections, women are still running to the nearest “pumper.” Hopefully after viewing Killer Curves and the nationwide praise the documentary has received, more awareness will be spread and women will think twice. A bigger butt can be obtained naturally ladies. Squats ain’t never hurt nobody!
When cheap tickets hit my hotline bling, I always answer the call.
During my time living in Rome, I made sure that no day went to waste. Almost all of my free time was spent exploring obscure restaurants, hidden neighborhoods, and historical sites off the beaten path. Rome is MASSIVE though; after three months of exploring every cobbled crevice, I still felt like there was so much left to see. I had this radical idea that I would live a strictly Italian life for 90 days because, why not? Pizza everyday, that beautiful language, like a song, being sung to me daily…but that idea was dashed real quick when I saw the dizzyingly cheap inter-Europe flight prices.
I kept finding myself on Google Flights dreaming up all the possibilities. A few days in Berlin spent partying in grandiose nightclubs? A retreat to Athens for a historical tour on the foundation of democracy? So many choices, so little time. In the end, I randomly decided to book a trip to Istanbul.
Naturi Naughton is the epitome of a saying that I love: Your setback is a set up for your comeback. ‘Cause no one can play Tasha from the hit show Power like the middle girl from 3LW! I honestly didn't think she would ever rebound from the drama around her 2000’s girl group. However, slowly but surely she took the world by storm, reaching stardom after many years of obscurity.
So now I'm just sitting there patiently holding my breath to see what the brown girl gon’ do, ‘cause the two light-skinned girls seem to be hogging the song. When the video ends, my protest begins ‘cause Naturi didn't even get to sing, and I truly wondered with all my heart if it was a colorism thing. See, I might be light, bright and darn near white, but I'm quick to call a spade a spade; not the type to just sit back and relax while this crap keeps happening right in front of my face.
A few singles later, Naturi had her turn and the sista could actually blow; which made me wonder even more why she wasn’t singing lead tho. So by the time the news hit that the group was remixed and rumors swirled as to why, I wasn't surprised and didn't think Naturi lied when she said she was axed for her skin tone.
The two group members went on damage control, to wipe up the tea Naturi spilled, and as I heard different reports it started to smell like drama that management built. Whatever the case, whoever to blame, Naturi was hurt the most; nobody would touch her with a ten-foot-pole, she could barely find any work.
|Naturi as Lil Kim|
Ruth was Naomi’s daughter-in-law, actually one of two (The Book of Ruth from the Bible). All three women lost their husbands and they didn't know what to do. To top it all off, there was a famine in the land; wow, talk about a major setback! While all three women were parting ways, Ruth was like, “Nah, forget that!” She was one of the realest, a ride-or-die type and wasn't leaving Naomi alone. She said, “I'm following you mama and your God too, “til death do us part”...that’s us!”
No clue to where they were going, they ended up in a field, a field that belonged to the richest man in town, and the next part you won't believe. Ruth rolled up and found herself work amongst all this man's employees; she was never too proud or even too shy to do whatever was necessary. She did this every single day, to care for herself and her fam, til one day the rich guy noticed her there and was like, “Yo, who is THAT?!” One of his workers filled him in about the setback the ladies endured, but he put more attention on the amazing fact that Ruth remained loyal to her in-law. So now the rich man (Boaz is his name) was thoroughly impressed, he walked up to Ruth and said, “Don’t go nowhere and I'll give you nothing but the best!” Ruth tried to be calm but ran back home like, “OMG! What should I do?” Naomi said, “Baby girl, don’t even trip, the brotha obviously likes you!”
Boaz got bold and started shooting game just like a natural poet, and before you know it, him and Baby Ruth became a serious couple. They married first, had a baby last and the child was no average thing; he was the Grandfather of David, the greatest of kings, ‘cause his mommy was a comeback queen!
|Naturi as Tasha|
|Photo via Benny's IG|
Benny's products aren't the typical products you find in the market. They are masterfully created to provide maximum benefits to hair. Apart from vitamins C,D,E, biotin, B5 and minerals like iron and zinc, Benny's products also contain rare ingredients such as Ethiopian Frankincense Healing Butter, Whole Grain Ethiopian Kachieia Butter and Raw Honey Dipped Kokum Butter. Due to the intricacy involved in creating the butters, oils and moisturizers, every single order is made by hand and takes a few weeks to be processed from start to finish. For instance, it takes two weeks to naturally process the oils from the rare butters. This can't be rushed, but the wait is definitely worthwhile.
|Via Kortney's IG|
|Via Benny's IG|
Caribbean-born model/actor/dancer Kyle Patrick was spotted performing at the Pornceptual stage during Amsterdam's MILKSHAKE Festival. The multi-genre dance music festival promotes diversity, respect, and the freedom to let Ones’ guard down- regardless of sexuality, gender, or race. He’s statuesque; having the right balance of leanness and sculpted muscles. His dark skin is just as interesting as his ever changing looks. See why Kyle Patrick is this week's naturally glam pick!
"Sunshine City! Sint Maarten: the friendly island." Demonstrating the powerfully impressionable radio jingles of the time. At the moment I call Berlin, Germany home. I'm just one drop in an ocean of young artists who've come to the ‘NYC of Europe’ to discover themselves while learning to surf in this wild turf. Though dance still makes up the most of the work I do, ‘freelancer’ is a commonly accepted job title- one that suggests an association with a multi-disciplined, often art-related field of work.
What's the best and worst thing about living abroad?
I’d have to say that the worst thing about living abroad is being invited to go swimming in a natural body of water. My years of being a Caribbean boy have spoilt me rotten when it comes to “beach” visits. I simply cannot truly enjoy much less than the pristine water and fine, sandy beaches found all around my tropical home. That said, the best thing about living abroad is the ease of travel between wildly different countries and cultures. So an equivalent beach-vacation isn’t too hard to find.
I've been natural for as long as I've lived in Europe -- which is over a decade now. The honest answer to what's motivated my go-to look: sheer pragmatism. I've always wanted to have long hair. Not entirely sure why. Part of it is definitely rebellion which started against my parents, but then later developed to have further-reaching implications. Throughout my life, I've discovered that I love to question traditions -- to kinda make sure we still need them. I was taught, growing up, that if I don't keep a groomed appearance, I would have lots of trouble being successful in life. My older brother told me over-and-over again that cornrows -- the only socially acceptable way for a boy to wear his long hair in the Caribbean during the time of my youth -- would never be accepted in the workplace. "If you ever want to be taken seriously, you must keep your hair cut low and your edges sharp!"
As I'm not an actual rebel, I at least tried to incorporate that last part in my own hair journey once I moved away from home to attend university. But being a student, suddenly on my own, I quickly found ways to cut corners in order to make ends meet. The soft-edged afro is low maintenance and essentially free. My go-to look was born! I went on to have a very successful career too-boot! Albeit on a technicality, I've disproved the myth that black boys with nappy hair won't be taken seriously.
What hair products or accessories do you use?
I've tried quite a number of different afro haircare lines. Currently, Cantu is my brand of choice. Their shampoo, deep-and leave-in conditioners work wonders! Additionally, I use tea tree oil to treat my scalp and roots. Daily water spritzes round off my regimen. If my hair is braided or I'm wearing some other protective style, I wear a silk cap to bed.
How do you stay fit?
Dance is deceptively strenuous. Having made performance art my career, it’s my work that keeps me fit. That and raving.
The low-maintenance, low-cost aspect of keeping my hair natural has allowed for a carefree attitude to seep into the far reaches of my life. Not having to stress about money, time and excessive effort invested in my hair prevent feelings of entitlement to compliments or acknowledgment from developing. I feel empowered just as I am which in turn makes it easier for people around me to accept me.
Being able to transform my appearance has been the most fun so far. To have even the ones closest to you taken aback by the impression of a new hairstyle is a thrilling delight!
|1 Year of Relaxed Hair|
Going back relaxed after being natural for 7 years has been nothing short of a major learning experience. The day of my relaxer, I was so incredibly happy and relieved to finally have hair that was easy to manage. But looking back, not all of my high expectations were met. Honestly, if you had asked me the day I got my relaxer where I wanted to be in a year, I definitely would’ve said something like, “Well, I plan to grow and retain at least six inches of hair.” Needless to say, that didn’t happen . . .
Here I am a year later and I probably retained three inches of growth. I was so disappointed but am happy that at least my hair is healthy and growing. I can’t lie, it’s been quite a year for me and my haircare definitely took a backseat to other things, but I was still able to take a look back over this year and compare my natural hair journey with my new relaxed hair journey, and here are some important lessons that can apply to either natural or relaxed hair:
|My relaxed hair|
Relaxing your hair will not eliminate any hair problems you’re having. This may sound obvious but whether you’re relaxed or natural, you’re going to have to take really good care of your hair if you expect to retain length. I went natural back then because I thought simply going natural was the key to growing my hair super long after years of struggling with short relaxed hair. Seven years later, I thought going back relaxed was going to have the same effect! It seems I should’ve learned the first time that it’s not about the texture of your hair but the way you maintain it.
That being said, yes, my relaxed hair has been much easier to manage and I find that I don’t get breakage as easily, even when I do get lazy with my haircare. With my natural hair, moisture was a constant issue and concern but with relaxed hair, ensuring that protein is regularly incorporated in my regimen is more important. So with either one, you have to remain consistent and attuned to your hair’s needs.
|My natural hair|
I can’t stress this enough—whether you’re natural or relaxed, knowing your hair is key! Don’t think that learning someone else’s routine is the secret to gaining the same hair success that they have had. You’re going to have to really put time into learning about your hair if you plan on doing it. Is it dry, protein-deficient, over-moisturized? What texture is it? Are your strands fine, thick, or normal? What’s your hair porosity? Do you have any trouble areas?
I mean, think about it—you wouldn’t trust someone who didn’t really know anything about hair to do your hair. So why do you trust yourself if you haven’t dedicated time to learning about hair?
3. Just because they can do it doesn’t mean that I can (or want to).
I see relaxed ladies on YouTube all the time doing their own relaxers and even though I am a complete advocate for doing things myself, relaxing my own hair will never be one of them. I’m just too afraid of something going wrong.
The same is true for getting relaxers at all. They really aren’t for everyone but neither is natural hair. Yes, technically anyone can go natural or get a relaxer but every woman has to do what’s best for her, her hair, and her lifestyle.
4. NEVER give up on your hair!
All too often we get frustrated too easily with our hair and make rash decisions. I went back relaxed after weeks of turning the decision over in my mind, researching, and weighing the pros and cons. I didn’t just do it because I was mad that my hair wasn’t growing.
Even now, not getting as much hair growth as I would’ve liked within the past year hasn’t made me want to throw in the towel. I know it’s my own lack of paying close attention to my haircare routine that stunted my growth. Always be real with yourself and when all else fails, seek help from a professional! Your hair can and will grow, it just takes time and patience, sis.
All in all, I know how controversial relaxers are and while I totally understand that, I still am 100% happy with my decision. The one thing I do miss more than anything is truly being a part of the natural hair community since I’m not natural anymore! Regardless, I still follow all of my favorite naturals and share any information I can about natural hair with other women.
Regardless of our hair differences, it’s important to maintain the sisterhood and keep our opinions from interfering with. After all, it really is just hair!
|Diddy & fam via the gram|
|CHANCE, D’LILA & JESSIE COMBS|
Positive vibes only
In addition to being big on family, Diddy is one of the coolest motivational speakers around. He consistently uses his platform to spread positivity and share lessons he’s learned about religion, family, love, and the like. Regardless of what you are going through, you can be sure that a quick scroll of Diddy’s Instagram feed will reveal some words of wisdom, a 90's throwback that fills us with nostalgia, or another form of much-needed encouragement. Aside from making us dance for the past 20+ years, Puffy has always radiated positive energy and recently, it’s on a whole new level.
When it’s for you, it’s for you.
There are plenty of top-earning celebrities who could care less about paying homage to their peers. Diddy isn’t one of them. Not only has he praised Lebron James, Gabrielle Union, J. Cole, Chadwick Boseman, and Kendrick Lamar, but he has also shouted out Brittany Barnett, Colin Kaepernick, Naomi Wadler and other activists who are working relentlessly to eradicate injustice in marginalized communities. As a giant in the music and fashion industry, Puff isn’t obligated to shout anybody out. But at every chance, he breathes life into public figures who are doing their thing and doing it well.
Follow Diddy's Gram here!
Omar Epps made his acting debut in Juice in 1992 and he has not slowed down since. We have seen him on the big screen (Higher Learning, Love & Basketball, Almost Christmas) and small (ER, House, Shooter). He married Keisha, one third of Bad Boy group Total back in 2006, and they’re raising 3 children, Aiyanna, K’mari and Amir. Now the actor turned author is ready to talk about fatherhood.
Omar was raised in Brooklyn by his mother, Bonnie Maria Epps, an elementary school principal after his father left them. He only spent 4 days with his father growing up. Like a lot of black men who grow up fatherless and raised by strong mothers, Omar had a fulfilled upbringing and didn’t lack and lament not having a father since you can’t miss what you never had. It was only after working a very long day on set and coming home hungry and tired and just wanting to relax, but his son Amir wanted some quality time too, that Omar realized parents always put their children first. His father did not.
With this realization, Omar knew that it was time to take a deep dive into his own story to uncover "the depths of torment and pain" he felt toward his father for the lack of presence in his life. That was the genesis of his self-published memoir, From Fatherless to Fatherhood released in June.
“I've been at peace with that for a long time. Through the years, I’d try to build a relationship, but relationships are dialogues. They're not monologues. So you learn to love certain people from a distance. I had love for him as a human being. I didn't know him really personally, you know. At the end of his life, I just felt a sadness and it was just like damn. It didn't have to be that way."You can catch Omar in Shooter on the USA Network. From Fatherless to Fatherhood is available everywhere books are sold.
|Omar Epps & Family|
|Brenda Alexander (far right) & fam|
I started on the history side from the ground up (which I advise all to do). My timed entry pass was for 10AM and by 3PM, I wasn’t even halfway through the history portion. After a while, I found myself skipping the reading portions and just admiring the artifacts to try and get everything in before the museum closed.
To save all of my future museum goers some trouble, I wanted to highlight some of the most profound exhibits to look forward to and a few tips on how to maximize your time there.
Emmett Till Memorial
I heard from almost every person that visited the museum that they could not bare the memorial out of fear that it would be too heavy a burden. But, if you can find the strength to walk through, I’d strongly advise you too. I will admit that it’s heavy. Walking towards the casket as negro spirituals ring out from the speakers, photos of a handsome and smiling Emmett hang from the walls with quotes from his mother and others makes it reminiscent of an actual funeral. You know his body isn’t there but you know the story and can feel the presence and somber of the time as if you were there. It’s powerful and an experience that’ll forever stick with you. You leave feeling a range of emotions: sadness for what occurred, pride for how his mother led a new movement and anger knowing that the woman responsible is alive and thriving today having never been prosecuted, along with the lives she protected.
Celebration of Oprah Winfrey’s Life and Career
One of my favorite parts of the museum was learning in extensive detail the plight of African American homeownership in this country. For those unaware, there were many black and prosperous communities besides Tulsa, Oklahoma - also known as the Black Wall Street. I won’t give them away (that’s why you must visit yourselves), but the exhibit features an actual home that was built in one of these communities. Within these communities, blacks could put down a deposit for as little as $5 or purchase land for as little as $50 and build by hand, multi-leveled homes to be passed down through generations.
Culture (All of it)
After touring the museum, I had dozens of questions on who was responsible for giving this prize to the world. You’re naturally curious and anxious to know how this gem came to be. Luckily, the museum has its own exhibit that details its long journey. It was a century in the making that had many setbacks, but thanks to one final push from OUR President Barack Obama, the museum made its debut in September of 2016 with the first African American President and Family in attendance. Now isn’t that a full-circle moment.
Register for your timed entry passes online and get your walking shoes ready. And if you can, take two days to really absorb all the museum has to offer. You’ll leave the museum feeling proud, appreciative and motivated- and even slightly ashamed for slacking in certain areas of your life after realizing just how much our ancestors endured.
By Dawn Washington
As I'm watching a news story on the rise of maternal deaths in America, I'm shocked to learn that America leads the world in the number of maternal deaths. But that shock didn't compare to what happened in me when I heard the stats related to maternal deaths among African American women and the reason why.
In response to the question of why deaths during delivery are 3-4 times higher among African American women, Harvard Medical Professor and Obstetrician, Neel Shah prefaces,"...this is going to be hard to hear.” And he goes on to say,
“We believe Black women less when they express concerns about the type of symptoms they are having, particularly when it comes to pain.”Hard to hear is an understatement. Several days after hearing them, the truth of his words still stings.
While the news story goes on to contribute unnecessary C-sections to the shocking stats among American mothers, it drills down to other issues that lend themselves to the national and deadly problem: gender and race. Dr. Shah says that there is an element of gender discrimination in hospitals.
"[For] a woman, after birth, who comes into a hospital with concerning complications, there are no rules for how quickly obstetricians have to see her. In fact, it's a routine case that it will take hours."Serena Williams and most recently, Beyoncé in her Vogue article have spoken out about their near death experiences during the delivery of their babies (both worth checking out to understand the scope of this problem). But beyond the fact that once again Black women are hit with real data that points to the problem associated with being Black and female, the question is begged, what is it about Black women that they are not believed on the hospital bed?
Representation in media studies offers at least one answer. Representation says that from the images seen on screens and print (film, television, news, magazines, videos), we make meaning. And the meaning that has been made about who Black women are in a country like ours has been dubious at best.
So now that it is out that medical professionals are not trusting the word of Black women when they alert them to their health concerns or problems, it is important to also air out the reasons why.
Film scholar, Donald Bogle says that since the beginning of American film, two primary caricatures have represented Black women: mammy and the tragic mulatto. Their characteristics are familiar. Mammy is strong but loyal. The tragic mulatto is alluring but untrustworthy. Throughout American film history, Black female representation was mostly one or the other. But toward the end of the 20th century, with iconic and historic characters like those of Pam Grier and Teresa Graves, Black feminine representation became a mashup of both mammy and mulatto. She was strong and deceitful…prime conditions for the perceptions Dr. Shah speaks of in his research.
Now well into the 21st century, Black female representation is even more prevalent. From news stories of police excessive force and the women who are left to pick up the pieces, to the stars of reality television and contemporary movies, our presence has gone mainstream in old and new ways. Black female lead characters like Olivia Pope (Scandal), Annalise Keating (How to Get Away with Murder), Issa Rae (Insecure), and Yara Shahidi (Grown-ish) have been written into scripts more than they have ever been. And yet, in a country that continues to racialize Black beauty and Black presence, a country where Michelle Obama, is an "ape in heels," Maxine Waters is called "crazy" and chided for "her James Brown wig,” and Omarosa Manigault is called a "dog" by the President of the United States, Black women in 2018 still contend with biased labels of the past that seek to keep them as caricatures and to rob them of their humanity...even to the point of death.
The link between long-held stereotypes and perceptions about Black women’s tolerance for pain and their credibility, can all be difficult to process. It can seem like a stretch to underline the impact of these titles and the way they have seeped into the consciousness of everyday people. But I am hard pressed to find any other reason why medical professionals wouldn’t treat us like any other patient.
Damned if we do. Damned if we don't.
Because no matter how bright we shine, in our intelligence, in our beauty, in our nobility, in our resilience, in our dignity, civility, or success, the labels continue to work to contain us. Racism continues to skew our representation to fit into undying stereotypes and caricatures that have been set into the American consciousness.
I appreciate Dr. Shah for boldly speaking the truth about what is happening in America’s hospitals as it relates to Black women. His truth exposes other truths that are less discussed, like how harmful ideologies continue to play themselves out in new generations of people and in real-life data.
Mammy, mulatto, strong Black female, whichever way our presence is interpreted, Black women are first and foremost human. Wiping the slate clean and ridding the American mindset of the lie that we are anything but remains to be the challenge.
|Amara La Negra scrubbing the hell out of her man's shower via IG|
Amara La Negra caused quite a stir this week, when she used her Instagram account to send an interesting message. Aside from the fact she was cleaning the bathroom in a bodycon, the image became controversial because of caption:
“A man’s house is a reflection of the woman’s he’s with. Food for thought.” 💭 Being Pretty is Just a Bonus with me.”As you can imagine, people took issue with the post for several reasons.
They didn’t know whether it was a Lysol ad. And they couldn’t figure out why Amara would make it a point to clean a house she doesn’t live in, a house that doesn’t belong to her, and presumably the house of another grown, able-bodied individual. In the modern era, men clean their own houses, not only women are out here working alongside them but because that’s just what responsible adults should be doing for themselves. Furthermore, if a man’s house is dirty, it’s not a reflection of the woman, it’s a reflection of his own triflingness. Period. Fullstop. We’re not absolving men of responsibility and we’re certainly not shouldering the burdens of their own shortcomings.
For as much as I wanted to ride for Amara, she’s proven herself to be a “pick me.” If you’ve never heard the phrase before, a pick me woman is one who tries to distinguish herself from other women with the intent of making herself appear more appealing to other men. If you’re wondering if you’ve ever been or continue to be a pick me or you just want to double-check and make sure you’re not embarrassing yourself on the internet like Ms. Amara, then here are some pitfalls to avoid.
Shaming another woman for their choices
Whether it’s her attire, sexual behavior or practices, pick mes specialize in regurgitating sexist double standards like "Dress how you want to be addressed" or "No man wants a woman who everybody's had." Interestingly enough, when men operate in the same fashion, they never have anything to say.
Attempting to make yourself more appealing for the sake of men
I’m not talking about putting on makeup or dressing up, I’m talking about broadcasting the things you do-- or would do-- in a relationship because you believe it will attract the man you desire. The women who post the meals they make for themselves with captions like “Your girlfriend could never…” are prime examples of this.
Blaming feminism for the destruction of the Black community
Crack, poverty, racism and slavery are all acceptable places to point the blame when we talk about what has contributed to our challenges as a people. Believing women deserve equal rights is not one of them.
Unwillingness to hold men accountable…for anything
If a man cheats and you immediately point to what his wife did wrong...then you’re hustling backward and playing the Pick Me game.
If you find yourself or another woman sounding like a Hotep, repeating homophobic rhetoric, advocating for polygamy because monogamy is unnatural etc, then there’s a chance you’re saying and doing these things to make yourself seem down.
I learned a long time ago, that what we’ve been taught to believe was marriage material is a farce. There are so many of us who are still in a tizzy trying to figure out “How did she get married?” She got married because marriage material is relative and generally a way for men to control the behavior of women. There are other ways to describe your appealing qualities.
You speak against your own
Nothing is a stronger red flag than listening to another woman say she doesn’t get along with women or she’d rather “hang out with the boys.” Even if men have more female friends, they never disparage other men. This is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to seem “cool” by insulting your own kind.
Take outrageous and unnecessary actions for the sake of proving to a man that they love them
In the bowels of Instagram, I found a woman who suggested that she stands every time her husband entered a room as a way to honor him. Her rationale was that if she stood on Sunday to honor the Pastor, she could certainly stand to honor her husband. Do what you feel. But let that practice be something you do for your man, rather than insinuating that women who don’t do the same somehow don’t value their partners. Furthermore, when you ask these women what their men do to honor them, they can only name the essentials like being faithful and paying bills.
Always want to know what the woman did when she was assaulted, abused etc.
If you’re one of those women who always believes there are two sides to a story when a woman was abused or want to know “What she did” you’re a mouthpiece of misogyny.
Claim that they don’t require anything from a man
Unlike independence, pick mes are appealing to the newer generation of men by claiming that they’re not high maintenance. Ex: “I don’t need my man to spend any money on me. I can just cook a meal and we can watch movies at his place.” You need to see a little more than that sis. Trying to prove that a man won’t have to work to get or keep you, also means he likely won’t value you as he should either.
By now the world has learned and is mourning the passing of the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. For the past 60+ years, she’s provided a musical soundtrack crossing as a backdrop to an ever changing world. Donned one of the greatest voices of all time, her gift crossed multiple genres, generations, racial, political, social and gender barriers. A true artist, she led with her voice, remaining mum on an evolving tabloid driven industry, sharing only what she felt she owed us- her music.
Outside of her catalogue was a world-class diva with a sparkling personality who gave fans much to watch whether dressed to the nines or throwing the best shade. In her honor, here are some of my favorite moments from Re-Re.
An Anthem for Civil Rights & Feminism
I doubt she knew when she sat at a piano in 1967 and birthed R-E-S-P-E-C-T that the song would be as iconic. Otis Redding originally penned the song in 1965 to reinforce the traditional family structure: Man works all day, brings money home to wife and demands her respect in return. Never conforming to gender roles, Aretha wrote her version as a response, this is pre-No Scrubs vs No Pigeons days! It registered to women nationwide and remained #1 on the charts for 12 weeks. The civil rights and black power movements adopted it next with racial protests occuring around the country.
Born and raised in a church-going household to a Baptist Minister as a father, she held tight to her faith throughout her life. Her 1972 Grammy-winning album "Amazing Grace," which was recorded live at New Temple Missionary Baptist Church in South Central Los Angeles and featured gospel legend James Cleveland, became one of of the best-selling gospel albums ever. Her gospel underdone was always present in her music and she spoke often on her love for God, saying "My faith always has been and always will be important to me."
As a vocal supporter of the Civil Rights movement, she performed at benefits and encouraged voter registration. But other work was kept relatively private, including financially supporting Martin Luther King Jr.’s work, the families of incarcerated people and black activist ministers. That changed after she was quoted in a 1970 JET magazine article detailing her intention to post bail for Angela Davis. She put her reputation and career in jeopardy by rallying behind Davis, stating: “I’m going to see her free if there is any justice in our courts, not because I believe in communism, but because she’s a Black woman and she wants freedom for Black people. I have the money; I got it from Black people—they’ve made me financially able to have it—and I want to use it in ways that will help our people.”
The Associated Press Fax...5 years later
Aretha Shades Patti
Remember Aretha was caught on camera ignoring Patti when she reached her arms out for a hand and Aretha snatched away? Despite both denying a feud and appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show together in the past, but Re never seemed to care for Patti. There were rumors of discord for years but none have been confirmed.
Thanks Ms. Franklin, for giving us the example of a natural woman! May you sing from the Heavens!