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Important Tips for Growing Long, Healthy Natural Hair

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source: Le coil

10 Most Important Steps for Growing Healthy, Hypercurly, Natural Hair
by Karen Mcintosh of Suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com

Acceptance and Clarity– Take off the “mental wig.” Once I accepted that I would never have big loose curls, I began to see that my hair could be even more beautiful. To actually see my hair, I need to look at photos. Mental distortion can occur when I look in the mirror, but the camera doesn’t lie.

Understanding– Observe your hair under different circumstances, different climates. Learn to understand what your hair does, not what you want it to do and build on that. Look inward at your own hair, not outward at someone else’s.

Look, listen and learn– It’s a given that other naturals know more than I do, especially if their hair is thick and long and beautiful, right? I’m so teachable!

Protection: At night, protect the hairline with a silk head wrap, guard against friction with a silk pillowcase. Anchor the hair in a loose puff or large twists so it doesn’t shift or rub against itself. During the day, I wear my hair out 95% of the time. Protection means the right products applied to each strand and a soft, aloe-vera based gel for hold. And no touching! (that one is hard.)

Read On>>>




Know your hair’s width and porosity– More important than knowing if your curl type is 3c, 4a or 4b is knowing whether your strands are fine, medium or coarse and how porous they are. Fine and coarse refers to the diameter of your hair strand, not the feel of your hair. Porous refers to how open or smoothed (closed) the surface (cuticle) of your hair is. Fine, porous hair reacts differently to products and the environment than does coarse, non-porous hair. It also needs to be handled differently. Each hair type has its own issues. Fine, porous hair tends to need more moisturizing and strengthening products. Coarse, smooth hair can be subject to quicker product build up.

Layers of moisture– This means water. Moisturizing shampoos like shampoo bars or cleansing creams or a gentle castile soap (they aren’t all equal). And liberal doses of conditioners with great slip, moisture and a little of the right protein for my hair. A little butter or oil. More conditioner. And those aloe-vera based gels. Dirt-based deep treatments (Rhassoul clay, sisyphus spina christi) year round, moisturizing deep treatments in the winter.

Gentle detangling– if my cleanser is cleansing without stripping and my conditioner is loaded with slip and moisture, then I can finger detangle easily. A little Karens Body Beautiful Hair Milk added to conditioner boosts its detangling ability. I do this at most twice a week.

Regular trims - I get ends trimmed and shape adjusted 3 times a year. My hair is easiest to style a month after a cut.

Low manipulation– After I style my hair wet, I leave it alone for up to 3 days, except to gather it into a pony puff at night, let it down in the morning and scrunch a little DevaCurl Set it Free and butter into it. No combing or brushing. When I dry twist at night, I use my fingers only to separate, and a little more product to smooth.

Forget about growth, learn how to retain length
If you’re healthy, growth is a given. Retaining length is the hard part. Transitioning to gray showed me just how fast my hair grows — and how fast the ends break. By babying my ends and boosting moisture to keep them hydrated, smooth and soft, I help my fragile ends stay put instead of snapping off like dry twigs. If I’m doing dry twists, a moisturizing custard or lotion gets smoothed on the ends of those twists. If I’m bunning, the ends get moisturized with a lotion and a little baobab oil. On the second and third day of my wash and go I scrunch a moisture lock lotion and a little butter onto my ends. When my ends stay soft, my hair retains length.

Celebrate each success, and learn from the challenges.

What are your tips for growing highly textured hair? 

Runny Nose.

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never a dull moment. 
Click to Read>>>



I had just come back from a mindfulness walk (wherein I also- on my #ForrestGump- sat on a park bench for no less than 30 minutes doing my best to become 'present' #TheStruggle #ItsReal) and found Gia and my mom in the back room. As I shared the non-revelations I had during my walking meditation, Boog interrupted us with her usual antics (i.e. posing like a super model, roundhouse kicking the shit out of everything, and teaching old women how to dance) and at some point, Mom shared that while I was away, "Gia had a runny nose." Before I could say 'antihistamine' Gia immediately jumped up from her Ninja Turtle battle and excitedly shouted, "Mommy, I'll show you" and took off running - to the bathroom, I assumed, but no. She ran from one end of the room to the other and back while undoubtedly pointing at her nose. It only took me three laps to realize what she was doing and #iDied. Get it? Runny nose? That's hubby's child.

Later Gators,
Nik

P.S. Grandma has been telling folks for days that there's a bat in her house. Her sons searched high and low, and when they couldn't find it assumed it was the 'old-timers' kicking in. Well yesterday, my uncle walked in to give her some meds and there Bruce Wayne hung - a damn bat in the archway to the dining room.


Seriously.  That happened. Of course now Grandma is all like "and y'all think I'm crazy..." Moral of the story: If someone tells you they saw a bat, believe them.

P.P.S.  You know that book? The one you read in one sitting and feel like it's the first day of the rest of your life?  No? Just me?  Download 'The Power of Now' or 'Practicing the Power of Now' today.  Don't worry, I'll wait.  Then we'll talk about it later.  The take away- I learned that I'm NEVER in the present moment. Never. Not ever. I'm working on that tho.  I digress. Have a happy Thursday! 

Defining Natural Hair

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Maybe I'm a Dreamer, But I'm Not the Only Oneby G G of Peace, Love, and Pretty Things

Lately, there's a lot of discussion among black women about what is considered to be truly natural. There's umpteen ways to flex one's "naturalness" from how you wear your hair to what you eat to what kinds of products you use. While these discussions are useful to the extent that we are sharing our diverse opinions with each other, at the end of the day how can anyone else define what is natural to me or to you? We must define that for ourselves.

I urge you all to veer away from any divisive thinking and define natural for yourself, beyond the context of how you wear your hair, eat, dress, etc. What if we all thought of natural as simply being the characteristics that bring out the best in us? As we evolve and grow, these natural characteristics evolve with us. So, what felt natural and authentic to me ten years ago may not feel that way today. Growth and change is natural, isn't it? Diversity is natural, too.

Read on and Weigh in!>>>



Think about the harmony that would exist in the world if we were all intimately in touch with what naturally brings out our best while being confident enough to share it with the world. If we all put these natural characteristics, talents, and gifts to use in this way, they would benefit us while also complementing the harmony that we all wish to see in the world. Unfortunately, we get caught up in trying to define ourselves on someone else's terms. Am I natural enough? religious enough? successful enough? What about asking ourselves this question - am I ME enough???

Spending all of our time seeking validation from each other slows us down. Instead of giving ourselves fully to our own process, we keep criticizing others and doubting ourselves. What's natural about that? If we could stop looking for one definition that suits us all (because it doesn't exist) and trust our own instincts, we'd all experience self-actualization (the achievement of our full potential through creativity, independence, spontaneity, and a grasp of the real world.)

The most valuable gift you can give to the world and to yourself is the natural, unequivocal you.

Question: I'm obviously very opinionated about this idea of embracing what naturally flows from me and this topic often comes up in my writing. Awhile back, a reader on Curly Nikki left the following comment on one of my guest posts about defining what is "good" for yourself:
changing your mind about your appearance so that you accept yourself as you are (physically) is appropriate. we're all good from a physical characteristic perspective.

but that same logic does not apply to other characteristics - i.e., you may be naturally inclined to murder/rape/pillage - does that mean that "it's good" and you should just go for it? (I know that's drastic, but I'm trying get my point across based on your final paragraph).


what usually "flows" from us internally DOES need to be corrected and held up to a moral standard. this has NOTHING to do with how we feel about our hair.
She makes a relevant point.

What do you all think? Is my idealistic ranting about being yourself at all costs too, well, idealistic?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Revisiting the Idea of Protein Overload

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Hair Liberty's Nicole Harmon, our Resident Curl Chemist, is answering your most urgent hair questions. Check it out below! 

Q: I'm interested in your comments on "protein overload." My hair seems to have a hard time absorbing moisture, staying moisturized; products evaporate quickly, hair dries very quickly after getting wet, conditioner seems to just sit on top instead of penetrating. A stylist suggested I might have protein overload as I have been using Giovanni's Smooth As Silk Deeper Moisture conditioner religiously for about 6 months (high concentration of soy protein, 4th ingredient). Does protein overload exist? If not, what do you think is going on with my hair? I definitely have noticed a change.

Read On>>>



A: Hair that dries quickly and has trouble staying moisturized is porous. That's exactly why porous hair is constantly dry and breakage prone. That's the opposite of protein overload. Your hair definitely needs protein. I know that sounds completely wrong, but I'll explain. The ingredient listed as "soy protein" in Giovanni Smooth as Silk is not the kind of protein that can benefit your hair. What you need is “hydrolyzed soy protein” which is different. That one word, "hydrolyzed", doesn't seem like it should make a big difference but it does. The important thing to understand is that "soy protein" doesn't attach to your hair. It just rinses away when you rinse the conditioner out. “Hydrolyzed soy protein” has been formulated to stay on your hair through the final rinse and keep it moisturized between washes. So "soy protein" may be a good ingredient for a leave-in (or body lotion), but it's not as helpful in a rinse out conditioner. Each company comes up with their own recipes for their products. Some recipes are effective for curly-kinky hair, others are not. I can't tell you why Giovanni chose to use “soy protein” in their rinse out conditioner. All we know is that it didn't help your hair retain moisture.

That little distinction is exactly why the protein overload myth exists. Giovanni Smooth as Silk doesn't contain any hydrolyzed protein so it wouldn't be a good idea to avoid all protein because of your experience with that conditioner. In order to strengthen your hair and get its porosity under control, you'll need a conditioner that contains hydrolyzed protein which can be from soy, but also from silk, oats, wheat, quinoa...there's a long list. Ouidad Deep Treat contains hydrolyzed wheat protein. The other conditioners in the Rehab article contain "hydrolyzed keratin" which could also be called "hydrolyzed wool/sheep's hair". Studies show hydrolyzed keratin to be most effective for damaged hair. If you prefer only natural brands, I suggest EO Products Repair Deep Conditioner. It contains hydrolyzed quinoa protein around the middle of the list. I hope that helps!

Hair Liberty (def): The freedom to rock whatever style you want, whenever you want. Curly, straight, natural, relaxed, whatever! Free yourself! Go to hairliberty.org, to get expert advice for curly-kinky hair

Split Ends Even After a Trim?

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Hair Liberty's Nicole Harmon, our Resident Curl Chemist, is answering your most urgent hair questions. Check it out! 

Q: I have split ends all the time even right after a trim. How can I get them to stop?

A: Your hair splits when the cuticle has been completely worn away. That can happen anywhere on the strand, but it’s most likely to happen at the ends because they’re the oldest hair. The cuticle is made of about 7 layers and those layers get damaged every time you style your hair. Damage is unavoidable, but if split ends are always popping up that means you’re pushing your hair passed its limit. Are you using heat? If you heat style your hair, you must only do so after your hair has been freshly shampooed and conditioned. It’s also really important to use a heat protectant. If you’re still getting split ends after taking those precautions, you may be using too high of a setting. Whether you’re using a blow dryer, bonnet dryer, flat iron, or curling iron, you should turn the heat down. If you usually use high, use medium, if you usually set the temp to 350°F, set it on 300°F.

Read On>>>



If you don’t use heat but you’re still seeing constant split ends, you probably need to comb your hair less. Natural hair is really sensitive to combing because of the way our coils tend to wrap around each other. You may be trying to comb gently or limit your combing to a few times a week, but split ends are a sign that you’re still doing too much. Do you wet your hair (with a water/conditioner blend for example) to re-style it during the week? Split ends are more likely to happen when your hair is wet than dry. That’s important to remember on wash day, but also when you apply products between washes. Only use enough product to slightly dampen your hair, not wet it, and always start by finger combing.

Once you find the cause of your split ends and create a routine that prevents them, don’t change what you’re doing. That means don’t change your products and don’t experiment with different styles for a while. Give yourself a chance to see the long term benefits of a good regimen.

Hair Liberty (def): The freedom to rock whatever style you want, whenever you want. Curly, straight, natural, relaxed, whatever! Free yourself! For more info, visit www.hairliberty.org

Return of the Curls!- Greensboro, NC

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Yesterday I had the pleasure of returning to North Carolina (Greensboro!) to support a wonderful and impeccably organized event- Return of the Curls, put on by the fabulous Keenya Kelly.  Hundreds of curlies and supporters turned out for fellowship, education and a little shopping!  I signed books, shared tips and ogled lots of hurr.  Enjoy the view!

Click for More>>>


Keenya, organizer and dope curly girl, is in the middle (yellow top)! That's my DJ on the right #DJSweettMusic



cousin and Gia's GodDaddy, Mr. Ronald Flack was in the house!  



Hubby + Ron 

 ManeAngels + friend and Raleigh, NC neighbor, Quan!


For more information on a Return of the Curls event in your local area, click HERE.

Swimming & Natural Hair - Protecting Hair at the Pool

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Nadine of GirlsLoveYourCurls writes:

The question about what to do with children's hair, when swimming in the pool, is a question I get asked A LOT. I get it most often around this time of year, when children go to pools more frequently for swimming lessons or just for fun. Chlorine can be extremely harsh on our little ones' hair, but we don't have to avoid frequent swimming because of it. Here are some tips that have been great for us.




What's your natural hair care swimming regimen? 

On the Couch with Shelly of GlamNaturalLife

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Shelly of GlamNaturalLife writes: 




Why did I go natural?

I had been getting my hair relaxed since I was 8yrs old. As long as I can remember, I have never had bouncing hair that I was madly in love with without the aid of weaves/extensions. My naked permed hair was so damaged you could see right through it and 'limp' was the best word to describe it. I did what I was told with no great results. Washed every two weeks, deep conditioned, wrapped at night and made sure to not touch up frequently. However 'limp' was still the nickname until I got a good Remi installation. Then I was the Bomb.com (if u know what I mean. lol!)

My best friend went natural 2 yrs before I did. I still remember her trying to persuade me to chop my 'limpness' off and go natural. I gave every excuse you can think of as to why I couldn't do it: "my hair is not soft like yours so I wont be able to comb it", "natural hair is not for me" and the biggest one, "I won't look good with nappy hair". How people were going to perceive me was a big thing that I had to get over. Well on Aug 6th, 2011, after trying to de-tangle two textures for hours, I realized I was 'DONE'. I grabbed a pair of scissors, chopped off the permed hair and have been natural since then. Now I have really strong, healthy hair.


Signature Braid Out!



Am I happy I made the move to being Natural?

Extremely! Taking the scissors and chopping my limpness off may seem like a small thing to some people but to me, it was huge. Having an inch of hair was shocking to me because I was a ponytail girl. What was even more shocking was how I got to see my beauty beyond the hair. I fell in love with myself again. I was terrified to go to work the next day because for 5yrs working there, this new 'do' was way outside Shelly's box. The compliments were coming left, right and center. I was amazed. I posted pics on Facebook and the response was the same. None of my hair extension installations received that much praise. My best friend was far above the moon when she saw what I did. I believe these are the things that kept me going.

Natural Hair is so versatile. The braidouts and twist outs and bantu knots and the good ole' wash n'go all excited me and still does. Mr Bobby Pins and I created a great friendship and he has been keeping my hair styles flawless since then. Lol! I am glued to YouTube and the excitement to try a new style or product is still alive and kicking. Lol! I love being natural.



Has the transition changed you and how?

Yes, it has changed me. My outlook on life has changed. Going back to how you were born and wearing the hair that grows from your scalp, in its natural state, should not be a big deal but it is. Growing up, kids who never had permed hair were teased and not seen as beautiful. There were no Black nappy hair Barbies at the toy store. Being natural was not something you do. Sounds crazy but we know it's true.

I can honestly say I love myself more. Not that I never loved myself before, but I appreciate my raw beauty more (if that makes sense). Playing in my hair, researching new techniques and natural products is so much fun to me, it makes me wonder who this new person is. Lol! But I wouldn't want it any other way. I will never have a perm again. If I feel the need for straight hair there is always a flat iron. Lol!



What is your basic hair care regimen!

Weekly:

-I shampoo with a moisturizing shampoo like Shea Moisture Curl&Shine Shampoo.
-Deep condition with my DIY deep conditioner mix (Click here for recipe).
-Air dry 60% then I moisturize using the LOC method and then braid my hair. (I wear braidouts more than any other style)

Nightly:

-Spray with my DIY hair mist and rebraid my hair.

What is your Story?

The 7 Day Wash and Go- Natural Hair Care Tips

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by Alicia James of MsAliciaJames.com

I do so many different things to my natural hair. One of the things that I love the most about being natural is how versatile it is. I like it straightened, I like it blown out, big, and I enjoy my wash and gos! When I wear a wash and go it is usually more about convenience. If I wear the hairstyle I don’t want to have to do a lot to my hair throughout the week. I definitely don’t want to have to co wash my hair daily. My goal is to make my wash and go last at least 3-5 days, and if I can go 7 days my week has been phenomenal! As I type this I am currently on day 5 of my wash and go, so it looks like I am going to make it to day 6! Alright nooooow!

Read on>>>



Here are four ways I get my wash and go to last throughout the week:

1. Gel: I find that using a product with hold helps me maintain my wash and go for several days. On day one there is a little crunch, but I work it out just a little with my extra virgin olive oil. The goal is to leave a little crunch so that my hair is able to hold up for several days. Throughout the week, the hair gets softer and softer until the crunch is completely gone. Usually by this time I have made it to day 3.

2. Pineapple/Bun: It is very important to make sure that you maintain your hair every night. I like to do a high ponytail also known as the pineapple or a high bun. I wrap my edges with a satin scarf. This keeps the curls from getting frizzy during the night while I sleep, and it also stretches the curls a little. Both things are great for me. When I do not tie my hair down, I wake up with hair that is stuck to my head, shrunken, and extremely tangled.

3. Oil: In the morning I take down my ponytail and apply a little oil to my hair to wake it up. It softens the hair and also adds shine. I try to keep from adding water to my hair daily. Water usually causes my hair to shrink and frizz. This is horrible when you want your hair to last for several days. It is also not necessary, because my hair is usually able to stay moisturized at least up to five days.

4. Spray Bottle With Water(Optional): If necessary I will lightly spritz my hair with water. Sometimes the hair does start to get dry and lose it’s movement the further I get into the week. This really depends on my activities and also my night maintenance. I like to spritz my hair with the water, shake and go. This is also great for those times when the hair gets a little bit too stretched out with the pineapple method. When this happens to me, I just spritz a little water on the back part of my hair to get it to jump back into place. Remember spritz lightly, because the goal is only to encourage the curls to bounce back into place, I spritz lightly so that I don't have to walk out the door with a wet head and wet clothes.

How do you get your wash and go to last?

#NaturalMoment Monday!

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 It's #NaturalMoment Mondays!
Tweet me and tell me about those moments when you can't deny that you're a curly queen! Top tweets will be featured every Monday morning, right here on CN.com! Be sure to use hashtag #NaturalMoment

Last week's Best of the Best--

https://twitter.com/favorites




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Silicones & Natural Hair: Good, Bad & The Ugly

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When it comes to silicones, the truth is pretty simple: they aren’t as bad for your hair as everyone makes them out to be.

But, just like everything else in life, moderation is key. You wouldn’t load up on chips when trying to lead a healthy lifestyle, unless of course they were all-natural and baked instead of fried. There are exceptions to every rule and using silicones can actually be part of a good hair care regimen. The trick is to be sure that you understand which silicones do what, and keep in mind that while some aren’t ideal, others aren’t all that bad.

Read More>>>



Why avoid silicones?

After all, they provide great slip for detangling and combat frizz. It’s easy: because most silicones are not water-soluble and thus they cause build-up that weigh your curls down, diminishing definition and, for Types 2 and 3, even straightening out your curls.

These non-water soluble silicones are what are known as “bad silicones.” But, luckily, there are good silicones too that slow down the build-up process and that are indeed water-soluble. Plus, even if you are attached to the bad kind – after all, if something works for you and your hair, then get at it! – there are ways to combat the build-up before it happens.

Know your cones

First, be sure that you are reading your product labels thoroughly. Silicones are often those ingredients that are much too long and difficult to pronounce, though they are easy to spot. For the most part, silicones end in “cone,” “col,” “conol” or “zane.” Be on the look out for these ingredients if you are following the Curly Girl method or are avoiding silicones all together.

Now, let’s break it down.

The Good: Water Soluble Silicones

Water soluble silicones will not cause build-up.
1. Stearoxy Dimethicone
2. Behenoxy Dimethicone

The Bad

Deposit repelling silicones are bad because they cause build-up over an extended period of time. Watch out for these ingredients on your product labels:

1. Trimethylsilylamodimethicone
2. Amodimethicone
3. Cyclopentasiloxane
4. Cyclomethicone

The Worst

The worst silicones are the ones that cause build-up quickly and are difficult to remove. Avoid these if at all possible:

1. Dimethicone
2. Cetyl Dimethicone
3. Cetearyl Methicone
4. Dimethiconol
5. Stearyl Dimethicone

How to Get Rid of Silicone Build-up

Get yourself a good clarifying shampoo and use it at least once a week to rid your hair of any silicone product build-up. Be sure that if you use silicones often and also a clarifying shampoo that you follow-up with a deep conditioner. Clarifying shampoos strip the hair of all product as well as natural oils. Using a clarifying shampoo too often will dry out your hair, but curls do tend to take better to product after a clarifying shampoo. For some women, using a shampoo containing cocamidopropylbetaine is enough to rid their hair of silicones, so if you use silicones often, try a shampoo with the ingredient to see if you can avoid clarifying altogether.

Per usual, different hair types and textures take to ingredients differently and the only person who knows what works best for your hair is you. Try out the different types of silicones and the methods of removal (some women add baking soda to their regular shampoo to convert it to a clarifying one, for instance) to see what works best for your individual waves, curls and coils.

Does water quality affect hair?- Natural Hair Tips

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via TheBeautyBrains:

Karuna asks…

I travel a lot. There are some places with very hard chlorinated water and some with very soft water. I notice my hair and skin feels best with soft water, more than any shampoo or conditioner I ever use. Also, I’m only in my mid twenties and I have already started getting a lot of greys. plus I seem to have a copperish brown tint in my hair which I did not have as a child. I know a lot of it is to do with genes, but does the quality of the water affect the colour? (I wash and condition my hair almost everyday). Is it worth investing in a portable water purifer? and are there any that convert hard water to soft water? Someone told me once that taking silica supplements helps with greys and hairfall? Is that really true?

The Beauty Brains respond:

It’s not surprising you notice a difference in the way your hair feels when you shampoo it with different sources of water. The minerals in hard water can deposit on hair can interact with some cleansing products.

Hard water and hair

At the very least the minerals leaving a residue on your hair that makes it look dull and feel rough. And, if the mineral cocktail includes copper it could actually be accelerating damage to hair. (At least according to ongoing research by P&G.) Theoretically this sort of damage could contribute to changes in your natural hair color. (There’s no question that exposure to water will affect artificial color from hair dyes.)

Read On>>>


Unfortunately, portable water purifiers are really just filters that won’t remove all the hard water ions; you need a real water softener for that. You might try buying bottles of deionized water to use on your hair when traveling to cities with hard water.

Is silica good for hair?

Silica and other nutrients (like biotin) are very important for healthy hair growth. However, unless you’re extremely deficient in these nutrients it’s unlikely for ingesting additional quantities will provide any additional benefit. Despite what is commonly recommended on various beauty websites, there is little technical data to support the premise that taking silica will improve the health of your hair.

Image credit: http://evetus.deviantart.com

Got Hard Water? Learn How to Prevent Buildup!

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by Tonya McKay 

Accumulation of mineral scale on surfaces due to hard water build up is an unfortunately common and truly aggravating problem. Most people have experienced the joys of living with hard water: cloudy, spotty dishes coming out of the dishwasher, diminished performance of coffeemakers, clogged or broken pipes and washing machines with an unpleasant odor that don’t work properly, turning clothes and towels dingy grey or a rust-tinged color.

Hair is susceptible to this menace as well, becoming dull, limp, or frizzy and more prone to tangles and hair breakage due to accumulation of minerals causing hair build up. Certain strong shampoos, such as clarifying or chelating ones, are marketed as solutions to some of this, but are there any options for those avoiding sulfate-based surfactants? As always, the answer to that question lies in the chemistry and materials science of the system.

Read On>>>


Why Hard Water Creates Hair Build Up
Hard water contains significant quantities of dissolved minerals, such as iron, calcium, magnesium, and silicon. These metals can react with substances in soaps and shampoos and reduce the effectiveness of those products’ cleansing properties, making it necessary to use more of the cleanser. But, even more disturbing, is that fact that the reaction products precipitate out of the solution and deposit onto the surface of your hair, where they bind with the negatively charged surface. This is what is typically referred to as mineral scale, which conjures up a bit of a mental image, if one considers it. Picture hard fish scales covering your hair, creating a rough surface that prevents moisture from penetrating the hair shaft, and you won’t be too far removed from the reality.

These deposits also attract and trap organic matter such as grease and dirt. This leads to hair that becomes increasingly difficult to deal with. It becomes dull instead of glossy, loses curl retention capability, is more prone to formation of snarls and tangles and is more easily damaged. It can even lead to the development of an unpleasant odor to the hair, particularly in dreadlocks.

Clearly, this kind of hair build up is not a trivial issue and should be addressed as a normal part of a person’s hair care routine.

How to Prevent Hair Build Up

The absolute best method for dealing with hard water is to prevent hair build up in the first place. One can do this by utilizing a good water filter that removes the unwanted metal ions from the water. Another technique is to use a chelating shampoo regularly, which has molecules in it such as EDTA, or acetic or citric acid. These acids bind with the metals in the water as you are washing your hair and are then rinsed away instead of depositing onto the surface of your hair. These shampoos can be harsh, though, and should always be followed up with a good conditioner, but even then, they may be damaging to curly hair if used too often.

Vinegar rinses can possibly help loosen mineral scale so it can be rinsed, and it definitely helps dissolve some of the trapped organic matter that can be lurking in the residue. Clarifying shampoos can also help remove hair build up. It is not clear whether they actually remove mineral scale from hair, but they definitely can provide deep cleaning of any other matter adhering to the surface because of the mineral scale.

Chelating shampoos may be able to dissolve the mineral scale and help remove it from the hair. The Beauty Brains, a site run by cosmetic chemist/consultant Perry Romanowski, states their skepticism as to whether this works at all, which makes me yearn, yet again, for a lab with some really expensive equipment so I could run some studies, both to satisfy my own curiosity and so I could also give you all a definitive answer.

Gentle shampoos with surfactants designed to provide mild cleansing are undoubtedly capable of removing organic material and hair build up. This includes surfactants such as sodium cocoyl isethionate and coco betaine. However, it seems unlikely that these would have the ability to remove mineral scale by themselves. Fortunately, there are definitely some shampoos that contain mild surfactants, no added conditioning agents, and acids that are thought to aid in removal of hard water hair build up.

Since it is so evident that curly hair performs absolutely at its best when it has both a clean surface and a well-moisturized cortex, it seems imperative that you take some sort of measure to prevent or remove hair build up caused by hard water. The installation of a water softener or filter seems to be the best and most proactive solution. However, there are other alternatives, such as rinsing with vinegar and using chelating shampoos. It is of utmost importance that an excellent conditioner be used whenever one uses strong products like this on the hair, so don’t skimp on that step.

Understanding Hair Butters and Oils- Natural Hair

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Tonya McKay writes;

Butters, oils, and waxes all come from fats that are derived from plants or animals, and have two basic components; fatty acids and alcohols. The difference between butters and oils is primarily whether or not they are solid at room and/or body temperature. Although they are both composed of groups of fatty acids, there are differences in the molecular composition and structure of butters and oils that are responsible for these differences in melting points.

Factors that determine melting point of lipids
  • Molecular weight – lower-molecular-weight fatty acids have a lower melting point, so that they are liquid at room temperature or body temperature. Higher-molecular-weight fatty acids form crystalline structures that persist to higher melting points, and so they are usually solids at room temperature and higher.
  • Saturated molecular structure — longer-chain fatty acids without any double bonds are straight chain molecules (like long snakes) that are able to closely pack next to one another This close-packing induces crystallization, which requires more energy to break apart than molecules not packed together into a crystalline or semi-crystalline structure. For this reason, the melting points of these types of fatty acids are much higher. This means the “oil” will exist in a solid state at room temperature or even body temperature.
  • Unsaturated molecular structure — unsaturated molecules have at least one double bond somewhere in their structure. This creates a kink or branching effect in the geometry of the molecule. This prevents unsaturated fatty acids from getting too close to one another, thereby preventing crystallization. These molecules have lots of space between themselves, which allows for more mobility of the molecules and results in a lower melting temperature. These oils may be liquid at room temperature or melt upon contact with skin.
  • Stearic acid, a saturated hydrocarbon molecule with 18 carbons (relatively long-chain fatty acid) has a melting point of 69.6°C (157.28°F). Oleic acid, a monounsaturated hydrocarbon molecule, has a double bond in it that creates a kink in its geometry, which makes it more difficult for adjacent molecules to pack tightly next to one another. It has a melting point of 10.5°C (50.9°F). Polyunsaturated acids, such as linoleic and linolenic, have multiple kinks in their chains and are liquid at very low temperatures (melt point = -5°C (23°F) for linoleic acid).
  • Linolenic acid, polyunsaturated fatty acid.
  • Linoleic acid, polyunsaturated, omega-6 fatty acid.
  • Oleic acid, monounsaturated fatty acid.
  • Stearic acid, saturated fatty acid.



Clearing up some misconceptions

Coconut butter, avocado, almond butter and peanut butter are not actually butters, in terms of the nomenclature we are discussing. In these products, the flesh of the nut or fruit is pressed and included with the oil, which provides the food source with proteins and water, as well as fatty acids. This is not a butter in the technical sense THEN WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF BUTTER?, but this is a common usage in food products. Another point to keep in mind is that in some cases, the unsaturated fatty acids in the oils of these fruits and nuts are hydrogenated to create a more solid texture. This can change the properties of the product significantly.

Another bit of confusion on this topic of oils, butters, and waxes is due to misleading terminology in the nomenclature system. It is not uncommon to read assertions that emulsifying is waxy or oily and prone to build-up. In fact, emulsifying wax is not a wax at all, nor is it an oil. It is a group of ingredients (derived from fatty acids ) used as a nonionic surfactant mixture that is highly effective at facilitating mixing of oils and waxes into aqueous solutions. Specifically, it is most often these ingredients: Cetearyl Alcohol, Polysorbate 60, PEG-150 Stearate & Steareth-20. All of those components are water soluble, with the exception of the fatty alcohol. It is possible that people who dislike products containing this ingredient are actually sensitive to the oil or butter being emulsified by emulsifying wax, or they are sensitive to buildup of fatty alcohols (cetearyl alcohol) on their hair.

VegetableButter or OilFatty Acids
SheaButter
  • Stearic acid, saturated, long chain, 85-90%
  • Oleic acid, monounsaturated, 5-10%
  • Palmitic, long chain, saturated, minor component
  • Linoleic, polyunsaturated, minor component
  • Arachidic, saturated, long chain, minor component
CocoaButter
  • Stearic acid, saturated, 34-36%
  • Palmitic acid, saturated, 24-28%
  • Oleic acid, monounsaturated, 30-40%
  • Linoleic, polyunsaturated, 2-3%
MangoButter
  • Oleic acid, monounsaturated, 40-50%
  • Linoleic acid, polyunsaturated, 5-8%
  • Stearic acid, saturated, 5-8%
  • Palmitic acid, saturated, 5-8%
  • Arachidic, saturated, 1-4%
Wheat GermOil
  • Linoleic, polyunsaturated, 55%
  • Oleic, mono-unsaturated, 18%
  • Palmitic acid, saturated, medium chain, 17%
  • Linolenic, polyunsaturated, 8%
AvocadoOil
  • Oleic Acid, monounsaturated,
    55-75%
  • Palmitic, saturated, 9-20%
  • Linoleic, polyunsaturated, 10-15%
  • Palmitoleic, monounsaturated, 2-10%
  • Stearic, saturated, 0.1-2%
CoconutOil
  • Lauric acid, saturated (shorter chain), 45%
  • Myristic acid, saturated, 17%
  • Palmitic acid, saturated, 8%
  • Caprylic acid, saturated, 8%
  • Linoleic acid and oleic acid, unsaturated, 5-10%
OliveOil
  • Oleic Acid, monounsaturated, 55% – 85%
  • Linoleic acid, polyunsaturated, 9%
  • Linolenic acid, polyunsaturated, 0-2%
JojobaOil
  • Eicosenoic acid, monounsaturated, 69%
  • Erucic acid, monounsaturated, 16%
  • Oleic acid, monounsatruated, 10%
AlmondOil
  • Oleic Acid, monounsaturated, 65%
  • Linoleic, polyunsaturated, 25%
  • Palmitic acid, saturated, 6-7%
  • Stearic acid, saturated, 1-2%

Depending upon where it is grown and the environmental conditions of that year, as well as soil quality, shea butter can vary significantly in its ratio of stearic acid to oleic acid. This will affect its melting point, and thus, its softness. If there is a lot more oleic acid relative to stearic acid in a particular batch, it will be a much softer and oily product, and will behave somewhat differently on the hair. Processing (methods of extraction, filtering, use of heat, hydrogenation) can also drastically affect the unsaturated oil composition, so if purchasing shea butter itself, carefully read the label so you are aware of the quality of butter you are getting. A pure shea butter contains no emulsifiers or perfumes, but is purely the mixture of fatty acids that were extracted from the fruit.

Incorporation of shea butter into a conditioning product involves melting it and dissolving it into an emulsifier and then mixing that into the product. Although the butter is melted and mixed into a liquid, its mixture of fatty acids should remain intact (unless high heat was used, which is not typical). Therefore, it is still the same “butter”, simply because the term butter is not actually very meaningful. The inherent molecular structure is unchanged.

It is also interesting to note that while coconut oil is comprised almost entirely of saturated fatty acids, it is still referred to as an oil, rather than a butter. This is due to the lower molecular weight of the major fatty acids in coconut oil, which give it a lower melting point; typically right around room temperature. This is another clue that the terms butter and oil are not always very precise or meaningful. For this reason, it is a good idea to look at the fatty acid content of a particular butter or oil you would like to try and to understand what sort of performance you might expect based upon its chemistry, rather than what it is called.

Which is best for our hair?

So, we have established that all of these butters and oils are made up of different mixtures fatty acid molecules. What specifically accounts for the varying preferences expressed by consumers? Some curly-haired people extol the virtues of butters, while others adamantly proclaim oils as their holy grail ingredient.

The major components of butters and coconut oil are one or more saturated fatty acids, while the major components of most oils are a mixture of mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids. One must assume that the differences in performance when used as emollients for the hair are a direct result of these differences in molecular structure. This is exactly the reason, and the science is fairly straight forward.
You will recall recent discussions we have had regarding the nature of the cuticle layer of the hair. Pores in the cuticle layer (whether from damage or from its being slightly open due to being wet) allow passage of some molecules into the cell membrane complex layer that is just beneath the cuticle scales. The fatty acids in this lipid layer act as a diffusion port that allows some fatty acids to penetrate the hair shaft. However, due to molecular structure and geometry, not all fatty acids are created equal in their ability to diffuse into the hair.

Generally, molecules with a straight chain geometry (saturated fatty acids), such as stearic acid, lauric acid, and palmitic acid can easily fit through the pores of the cuticle layer and slither through the CMC and into the interior of the cortex. Recent spectroscopic studies have allowed scientists to confirm that monounsaturated fatty acids are also able to readily penetrate the interior of the hair via this route. However, polyunsaturated fatty acids seem unable to penetrate into the interior of the hair at all, and remain either adsorbed onto the exterior surface of the hair or may get wedged into the cuticle layer.
Fatty acids in the interior of the hair can provide brittle hair with much-needed suppleness and elasticity. However, porosity is a very important factor to consider when using easily absorbed oils and butters. If one has very porous hair, it can absorb excessive quantities of these oils, which can lead to a host of problems. Among these could be greasy feel, dull appearance, limp hair, a swollen and open cuticle, frizz, and tangling. It can be very difficult to remove excess absorbed oils, in my experience, requiring the use of harsh surfactants, which strip the hair of its own lipids.

Oils high in polyunsaturated fatty acids may provide ease of wet combing and prevent static build up and fly-away hair. In addition, they form a barrier film on the surface of the hair, preventing moisture from escaping the interior of the hair. However, they might contribute to hair that feels greasy or sticky to the touch. Oils on the surface of the hair can also attract dirt to your hair. Another potential concern is that if these types of oils are indeed wedged into the cuticle layer at all, hair becomes vulnerable to the dangers of having a raised or rough cuticle.

My recommendation is to try small quantities of different oils and butters and carefully observe your results and preferences. Then, when you find things you really like or dislike, look into the fatty acid composition of the things you tried. This will help you determine if your hair needs saturated, monounsaturated, or polyunsaturated fatty acids, and you can then choose your products accordingly, armed with your knowledge of the underlying chemistry!

Going Comb Free for Long Hair- Natural Hair Care

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by Dawn Michelle of Minimalist Beauty

Growing up I was that kid who did her homework first, took weekly dance classes, read teen magazines cover to cover, then changed hair styles and nail polish almost everyday or every other day. I was so into fashion and beauty that I was given three teen magazine subscriptions for one of my birthdays. I read every beauty tip and tried many of them.

I was obsessed with those glossy pages to the point that my brother was annoyed that there weren't any magazines for guys his age. Because of his consistent comments, my mother and I created a magazine just for him with articles about health and dating which my mother wrote, and with fashion and style tips which was my department. His makeshift glossy pages had cut outs of photos from various magazines with especially written articles just for him. I doubt the magazine was really any good, yet it's the thought that counts. Right?

Now I have no idea why I've included this little story other than how easy it is to be influenced and sometimes confused by the glossy "pages" of information on curls and coils out there. There is information in magazines, on blogs, from vloggers, in books, and from product lines and hair stylists. Some say the same thing, while others consistently contradict themselves and each other. I guess the only way to really know what works for you is to try it.

Read On>>>



One Month Comb Free

My latest curl experiment has incorporated only finger detangling my hair. I haven't used a comb or brush since mid January. The last time I had decided not to use a comb or brush was when I was locing my hair five years ago. I'm still not sure exactly how I feel since I'm not trying to loc my hair now, but I'm going with it.

Why would anyone not want to comb or brush their hair? My decision to try this again stemmed from the 2nd edition of Curly Girl The Handbook by Lorraine Massey. You can read all about my story behind redesigning my hair regimen here. It is now a combination of the Curly Girl Method and the Tightly Curly Method. There is nothing worse than being embarrassed by what God gave you naturally. I decided to do everything I could possible to love my own curls even if that meant no longer combing my hair.

Grooming Taboo

There are certain standards of grooming that are hard to let go of, and not combing or brushing your hair is one of them. I've honestly had a fear that if I only finger detangle my hair, then I will have knots upon knots that will turn into a crazy hair disaster. Slowly but surely I'm figuring it out.

A few month ago I tried finger detangling my hair dry using oil before washing it. It was a tedious three hours. I have no idea what I was thinking. I was adding another ritual to my hair care while giving myself an excuse to watch a movie. But I usually try something a few times before I decide it's not for me. Dry finger detangling my hair didn't work out and took way too long. There were better things I could do with my time.

My Method

Once my hair is cleansed and saturated with conditioner, I let the conditioner soak in my curls for at least ten minutes. I then add a bit more conditioner and finger detangle my hair in 4-6 sections. It is true that when you use your hands to gently pull and comb through your hair. you can feel where the knots are and slowly release them. Once and awhile I simply cut a knot out with tiny sharp cuticle scissors that I use only on my hair.

After each section is complete, I smooth each curl as I learned in the Tightly Curly Method from Teri LaFlesh. This does add extra styling time to my hair, but it also helps my curls to create smooth clumps that move freely and individually once my hair dries. This method prevents extra tangles and unnecessary knots that I've experienced with traditional wash-n-go hair styles. The extra curl smoothing also helps me find previous knots or tangles that I may have missed earlier.

Benefits of Going Comb Free

Going comb free has greatly improved my curl definition, and my hair is no longer frizzed out by combs or brushes. I noticed that my curls weren't defining themselves easily, especially with my two years of weekly or monthly henna treatments and braid-out hair styles. My curls hadn't gone any where at all, they just weren't as defined when I was combing my hair.

If you are curious if your frizzy hair will wave, curl, or coil, why not try a week of using a botanical conditioner only and finger combing your locks from the ends up. Do this just as you would with a comb or brush when your hair is wet and saturated with conditioner. Leave most or all of the conditioner in your hair depending on your hair texture.

I will say that finger detangling your hair is a completely different hair care experience and takes some time to get used to. I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to stick to this for life or invest in an extremely wide tooth bone comb, but so far so good. It is certainly a bit more minimalist.

Have you tried finger detangling?

________________________________
DawnMichelle is a writer, professional dancer, choreographer, jewelry designer, and pure lover of life and the planet. She has been a part of the entertainment industry for years, and worked in one of the largest beauty retailers as a consultant. DawnMichelle writes a lifestyle blog called Minimalist Beauty that incorporates organic beauty and cosmetics, eco-friendly fashion and extremely chic style, simple living, and pursuing creativity. She also has an Etsy shop called Azuha which has handmade fiber jewelry, earrings, natural cosmetics and more.

Classy Pin Up- Natural Hair Style

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Shekia Renea is back at it and this time, with a ridiculously dope pin up.  Watch her work, then try it yourself! 

I Love My Mother. I Hate Her Schizophrenia.

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I'm torn.

Life keeps requiring things of me that I don't feel qualified to handle. Every celebration has this undertone of responsibility. Guilt clings to my happiness. I fight to feel free. I get tired.

Because how can you feel free when you have a schizophrenic mom who has not contacted you in over a year and who has cut off all means of communication? You don't know if she's living, breathing, eating, safe, medicated or suffering. You know nothing. What kind of person goes on living and thriving in spite of this? What kind of daughter doesn't shut down her life in order to hunt her schizophrenic mother down so she can take care of her?

Read On>>>



Me. I'm that kind of daughter.

Every time someone asks me about her - "Have you heard from your mother? Have you heard back from the police? What happens now? What are you doing to find her?" - I feel helpless, exposed, ashamed, and most of all, resentful.

How can she be so selfish as to disappear like this? How can I be so selfish as to not be consumed with the need to find her? Why must I carry this burden? Why must this situation expose my selfishness so blatantly? Why? Why? Why?

But what if I told you that I'm afraid that I would get lost looking for her? I've gotten lost looking for her before. Lost in emotional and psychological chaos. Lost in dark places that exist between her world and mine. Lost in the illusion that because of her, I can never feel free. Lost in the story I told myself for so long that her illness and the manifestations of it have somehow damaged me. I don't want to go back there.

Simply stated, I do not like the person I become when she is in my life.

My mother. The one who nurtured me and raised me. The one who taught me how to pray and be spiritual. The one who gave me an affinity for pretty things, hugs and kisses and baby legs. The one who showed me what happens when psychological disorders are mistaken for idiosyncrasies and are therefore ignored.

I need to find her. But how do I look for her without losing myself?

*************

What keeps you from feeling free? Are you allowing avoidance to keep you physically or mentally trapped in a situation? The only way to be free is to face the thing that you think is holding you.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." | August Wilson

Today, I'm sending you love and encouragement and I hope you'll send some back to me. Remember that everything makes you more.

What Going Natural Can Teach You About Self-Care

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by Esther Boykin of Group Therapy Associates blog

I know that for many people the journey to “go natural” is a meaningful decision about embracing a chemical free life or pushing back from cultural dogma about what it means to be beautiful. And I respect those who have passionate and or political motivations in making the transition. However, for me, giving up relaxers and embracing my naturally kinky hair was mostly just a function of boredom and exhaustion. I was tired of the wrestling my hair into submission and sick of the same old styles. But despite the fact that I did not start my hair journey with any profound life lesson in mind, I have certainly learned a few things along the way.

You already know what you need most; you just have to listen closely.
Hopefully you are more diligent than I am but maybe you can relate. Often my hair care routine is pretty basic with little thought to what my hair needs. It’s not the best plan but with a business to run, a couple of kids to keep up with, and a husband who I would still like to spend time with, my hair often falls to the bottom of the list. It’s so easy to ignore because it doesn’t call me or demand my attention… usually.

Read On>>>



A few weeks ago my hair had decided it had had enough. It was limp, looked thin, dull, and felt heavy. It was not happy and neither was I. Fortunately (or maybe not so fortunately) I’ve been in this place before. My hair was not suffering from some mysterious ailment, it was simply being ignored and so it started to ‘yell’ for help.

It’s dry and dull texture was just a symptom that I was not providing enough moisture. The thin, heavy feeling was just my hair telling me that it was time to get rid of all the buildup. Years ago I would have not only been stressed out by my lackluster locs but also by my confusion about how they got that way. But now I understand that if I tune in and “listen” carefully, my hair will tell me what it needs.

And often in life that is what happens with our spirit and our relationships. There is rarely an issue in which we don’t know at least part of what we need or how to change whatever is not working in our life. More often than not, the biggest problem is that we aren’t listening carefully enough to what our body and emotions are telling us.

Just as it is with our hair, when we learn what the symptoms (“my hair feels dull and heavy”) really mean then we can create the solutions (“time for a clarifying shampoo and hot oil treatment”) and get back to loving our life more fully.

Discovering the “right” routine takes trial and error.
I have a confession to make, I don’t particularly like self-care articles. I know, kind of a ridiculous thing to confide in the middle of a post all about self-care. But here’s the thing, I DO like the concept of self-care and believe in it wholeheartedly. The problem is, much like many hair care guides, the articles that are written give a prescription of what you should be doing to get it “right” and for so many of us what’s suggested is not the “right” routine at all.

If you’ve been on a naturally curly hair journey for more than 5 minutes then you already know that finding the right products and the right order in which to use them is nothing more than trial and error. It’s a guessing game, an educated one thanks to CurlyNikki.com and others, but nonetheless we are just experimenting till we each find our own unique path.

About 9 months ago my daughter decided to give up her flat iron and really try to embrace her beautifully curly hair. After a few weeks of trying what others did on YouTube and in forums, she was frustrated and ready to give up. I sat her down and said that it was up to her to decide what she wanted for her hair but that developing a healthy and effective routine was not something she could just swipe from someone else. Her hair was her’s to learn about and understand. And while what others do can give us guidance, it will never be the perfect answer because the routine has to be tailored to each unique head of hair.

The same is true for self-care. I can list 20 things you should do every week that will help you to find greater work-life balance, peace, self-love, and acceptance and many will be good ideas. But what combination will work for you? I can’t dictate that. You have to be fearless and committed to the idea that you deserve to live a life that is full and joyful in order to stay motivated to find your best self-care plan.

Flexibility is your greatest strength.
Along the same lines of trial and error is a willingness to flex. One of the most frustrating things that us curly-kinky gals have to deal with is that the “right” routine is only “right” some of the time. The weather has to be just right, and we can’t sweat too much, and the humidity in the house, and our hormones that day, and on and on and on. Curly hair is a fickle thing- bouncy, beautiful, and shiny one minute; limp, frizzy, and unruly the next.

And so is life.

It’s a wonderful feeling to find a routine- be it for your hair or for your self-care- that is working. Life is good and you are happy. And then something shifts. Maybe it’s a circumstance at work or at home, maybe it’s a new challenge in your path, or maybe you don’t know where it came from. Your greatest asset in that moment is an ability to be flexible and open to change. To keep going even when what used to work stops working is the test of true self-confidence, because it requires you to step back and remember that you figured this out before and that even if you haven’t, you are capable of doing it now.

Embrace what’s messy… it’s part of your beauty.
I’ve been locking my hair for more than a decade now but I still remember those first few years of growth. My friends lovingly tell me that I am very particular (really it’s just their way of telling me I’m bossy and like things my way but that’s another story). So in the early days of growing my dreads, with my very “particular” expectations of neatness, I really struggled with learning to let them be. I was used to sleek, smooth hair and I wanted that same look… just with locs.

Thankfully I had a wise and honest hairdresser at the time. As I was complaining to her one day that I was always spending time re-twitsting and trying to smooth and tighten each loc, she spun me around in the chair, looked me in the eye and said, “you’ve got to learn to embrace the messy. It’s part of their beauty.”

It was a simple but profound statement to consider both in hair and in life. Things are not meant to be smooth and orderly all the time. Life, much like a head of kinky, curly hair, is often messy. But messy doesn’t mean bad or ugly or unworthy of love and appreciation.

Messy just means that you’re alive. As we grow and change and the people and circumstances surrounding us grow and change, things are going to get messy and unruly. But therein lies the most beautiful thing of all, life. Because the only things that stay neat and tidy are the ones we put behind glass cases in museums and never really touch. Life, like hair, is meant to be touched and experienced even if that means things are going to get a little messy sometimes.


Esther Boykin, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, and co-owner of a private practice in the DC metro area. You can read more of her writings on the Group Therapy Associates blog. Better yet, chat with her live at Q & A with GTA, a free monthly webcast where she and other therapists answer your more important questions live! Sign up now to get your personal invitation.

Big Girl Panties.

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By Erickka Sy Savanéof BitchesBrewBlog

It was the worst pain of my life.

Think electrocution. Every 10 seconds.

My body was vibrating like one of those phone pagers from back in the day. I stood in the middle of the floor taking deep slow breaths, leaning on my husband. At its worse, I thought I would die. Apparently my mother did too. She would walk into the room every few hours, look at me with eyes of pure terror, give me her version of a reassuring pat on the back, and run like hell back out the hospital door just in case I was contagious. This was way beyond her realm. It was beyond mine too.
All I could think was, I need to get out of this natural childbirth sh*t!

Read On>>>



I’m allergic to pain. Always have been. Once in high school I had to be rushed to the emergency room when my ears started ringing after taking too many painkillers for cramps. I knew I was going too far, but I would do anything to get pain to stop. As an adult, I was known as the The Medicator. My mission was to kill pain and those little pills were my bullets.

Imagine the mix of elation and TERROR I felt when I found out that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed, but man, I couldn’t stop thinking about that pain. How bad was it going to be? How long was it going to last? Would I die? I had a friend whose grandmother would say that giving birth was like knocking on death’s door. Oh my!

My only hope was that there was this wonderful medicine that I revered up there with the Polio vaccine, called an epidural. This miracle drug would make my labor a breeze. At least that’s what my mom told me about her experience. But even then I wondered if it would work.



Everything was set until…

I met a woman at the mall holding the cutest newborn. We started talking and off course I asked her about her labor. How was it?

She told me that her first labor was good. She had a natural birth.

“You had a what?”
She had a natural birth.
“Why? I mean why?”
She said that when she got pregnant she started doing her research and found out that babies come out more alert when they haven’t been drugged.

Hmm. It was the first time that I had ever considered the experience from the baby’s point of view.
She went on to explain that Labor Number 2 was a whole ‘nother story.

She wanted to give birth naturally again but this time she had gestational diabetes so she had to be induced. The Pitocin drug they used made her contractions so strong she felt like she was being continuously hit by a Mack truck. Her body was shaking so bad she HAD to get the epidural. But the damn thing numbed the top part of her body instead of just the bottom, so they started flipping her around like a pancake trying to get the medicine to move down. From there things got worse. The baby’s heart rate dropped. Twice.

Panic. Prayers. Prayers. Panic.

At that point, all she could think about was getting out of childbirth alive. And though she and baby number 2 did make it through, the recovery time was much different with drugs. She was groggy and had to wait for the drugs to wear off before she could do anything on her own, with baby number 1 she felt fine immediately after. Her advice to me: “Natural isn’t for everyone, but it’s better for the baby.”
She messed me up because now my sweet epidural wasn’t looking so sweet anymore.

So I called my friend Stacie who’d recently given birth to see if she got the epidural. She did, but wishes she hadn’t because she was a stone’s throw away from having the baby without. She can’t help thinking that she’d feel more accomplished had she thugged it out a little longer. I imagine that’s what most women think, but the bottom line is that epidural saved the day. However, she gave me the number of her girl Daphne who gave birth naturally four times! I had to speak to her because, really, who does that?

Tracking down Daphne was a thing. She’s got five kids so mama is busy. When we finally caught up, she kept it surprisingly simple: “I didn’t like my first experience in the hospital. It just felt so unnatural. Think about it, an apple doesn’t go to the hospital to get help falling from the tree.” So she went on to have her next four babies sans drugs, two of them at home. Her advice to me: “Look at all sides, then make your decision.”

I took her advice.

Things took a turn when my neighbor Krista gave me a book called The Feeling Child by psychologist Arthur Janov that scared the hell out of me!!!

It had countless stories of births gone wrong that seemed to have lasting effects on people. One that sticks out in my mind had to do with a guy who was the product of a C-Section. He was put under hypnosis and taken back to the time of his birth. He described being warm and cozy in his mother’s womb to suddenly being thrust into outer space. He felt uprooted, free-floating and unable to get a grip. And interesting enough, he feels like he’s never been able to get a grip on life. Next I watched a video called The Business of Being Born that exposed the medical industry as a business. Designed to make profit.

Epidurals make profit. C-sections make even more.

My decision was made, I got a doula to help with the birth and we were ready to go natural.

Now I knew it was going to hurt, and I thought I was prepared for it, but NOTHING can prepare you for that pain. It’s surreal.

At one point, I looked my husband square in the eyes and told him, “I don’t think I can do it.” He looked me right back and said, “Yes, you can.” I contemplated asking for a divorce. My doula’s advice, “Just one more contraction. One more.”

I stuck with it.

The hardest part came after my water broke and the contractions that were already so intense and frequent decided to multiply by infinity. I would have cried but I didn’t have it in me. I did the only thing that I hadn’t tried yet. Asking the baby to come out.

And as if the baby understood exactly what I was saying, it was time to push. I put on my game face, dug deeper than I had my entire life, pushed three times and we were welcoming a beautiful girl.
My husband said that when she came out her eyes were so big and she was looking around at everyone like, “What?”

I DID IT.

Giving birth naturally was a supernatural experience.

It allowed me to see what was possible and inspires others in the same way that I was inspired by Daphne. I wanted to be just like her, though I thought that it was impossible for a coward like me. Now I know different. Now it’s branded on my soul that I am a Goddess Mother Warrior and I take it everywhere I go.


To find out more about Daphne Wayans visit: http://daphnewayans.com/
Follow her on Twitter! https://twitter.com/Daphnewayans

It’s The Hair!

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by Tammy Goodson of CurlyChic

It’s The Hair!

It’s the shoes! If you are familiar with Mars Blackman, AKA Spike Lee in character in a throwback Michael Jordan commercialthen you know this infamous line, “It’s the shoes”. I am a fan of pumps, mostly because I’m a grown ass woman and that’s what you wait all your life to do, wear high heels and lipstick! As a little girl, I would slide into my mom’s shoes and attempt to walk around the house. I’m not that much better at walking in them now but being towering at 5 feet tall I do my best to make it werk. There’s something about putting on a pair of banging 5 inchers. It can pull a look together like nobody’s business. Even the most simple ripped denim and t-shirt suddenly go from laid back casual to classy and sexy (think Beyonce’s Crazy In Love video). It’s the same with big hair. What is about big hair that is so sexy? Maybe it’s the messiness, the free fall wildness? I don’t know but for me, big hair = sexy and adds to the turn up factor #turndownforwhat? The moment I begin to coif and fluff my mane, it starts to grow right before my eyes and so does my sexy. I transform from the everyday working mom to a sexy bombshell with just a few pick lifts and strand separation. I carry myself different, I walk a little different. It adds to the confidence that already exist and I love it! “the bigger the hair, the harder they stare”…shout out to Alexandra of Aisfor Alex because I think I stole that from her! Quite frankly, it kicks everything up a notch; attitude and confidence. The big disrespectful, block your view hair is nothing short of hair porn material. It’s the hair! #nolimits

What hair style adds to your sexy?

Sharing hairstories and life experiences from a curl’s perspective. Find Tammy at her blog, Curlychics, on Twitter, and Facebook.
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