This Mom Shares the Key to Getting Kids to Eat Healthy & it Doesn't Involve Force

March 26, 2018, 7:01 am

≫ Next: Urban Fashion Pioneer April Walker: on Top of Her Game, 25 Years & Counting

≪ Previous: Roxanne Roxanne: The Roxanne Shanté Story on Netflix!

$

0

0

Jamie & her son left, delicious vege tacos right

By Erickka Sy Savané

For many moms, getting our kids to eat foods that are healthy and good for them is like pulling teeth.  If it ain't fried or dipped in sugar they don't want it. At the same time though, we bare the responsibility because they can't eat what we don't put in front of them. But it doesn't mean that we don't know that eating well is the key to a long, healthy life, and setting up good habits now, while our kids are still young, is essential. So what's a well-meaning mom who wants to do better to do? For the answer we turn to Jamie D. Rhoden, mom of two boys, ages 13 and 14 years old. Jamie has been working at popular, Marcus Samuelson-owned Red Rooster in Harlem for the past 6 years, going from server assistant to supervisor, to working in pastry, and having some of her own recipes featured on the menu. Coming from a background that is Puerto Rican, Jamaican, and Irish, Jamie grew up between Atlanta, DC, and Los Angeles, eating a wide range of delicious foods that she's been passing down to her boys, right along with background stories. Safe to say, her sons eat everything she places in front of them, always have, and she's going to share how we can get our kids to do the same.

Continue

Jamie with her dad

Do you come from a family that likes to cook?

Yes cooking was a connection to my culture. My Jamaican/Irish father is an amazing cook and my biggest influence on food. His parents both could cook and shared their recipes and stories that went along with it. My Puerto Rican grandfather was a Chef for American Airlines and my Grandma was an everything woman, meaning she was a mother and grandmother to everyone around in her neighborhood. She always had me in the kitchen with her it was where I learned as well. My favorite things to make when little was from scratch banana bread, rice crispy treats, chicken parmesan with fresh grated parmesan bread crumb crust. What I loved eating was Ackee and Starfish w Fried Dumplings, Rice and beans, Red pea soup.

What did you want to provide for your kids in terms of eating, as a mom?

I learned at a very young age about vegetables and fruits. It was always something I wanted for my boys. Developing the palate so they will want to eat their veggies.

What are some of your kids favorite dishes?
Baked salmon, roasted asparagus and rice pilaf, baked chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, eggplant pasta with spinach with zucchini noodles and fresh mozzarella. Any kind of taco especially fish ones.

Shrimp Wonton Tacos (peep this mom always uses a paper plate!) What should a parent do if their kids don't seem to like veges? I used to sneak it in noodles, salads...pasta sauce hides veggies well. Roasted, boiled with butter make a difference in taste. First thing for parents is you have to eat them too. If you talk about veggies while grocery shopping they are more likely to question how they eat them.  What is the key to getting kids to eating foods that are good for them, but not necessarily kid friendly? Honestly the cooking channel and if the funds are available try a new cuisine at a new restaurant and also make it a learning experience of other cultures, and your own family history. What's a mistake that a lot of moms/parents make when it comes to what their kids eat?  They allow the kids to choose what they want and just make it or make something frozen or a quick meal.

Chicken meatballs prepped and ready to go!

What tips do you give moms when it comes to food prep? Especially, for moms who are so busy they don't feel they have time to cook?
What you should do is once the kids are asleep season your meat if taken out the day before. Think and discuss what should be for dinner the day before and work it into your routine. Mise en place is french and means having everything in place. Set your whole dinner up ready to go.

How much time do you spend cooking most of your kid's meals?

It takes about 30 mins.

What's your favorite to cook?
My favorite is my grandfather's soup. Red pea soup.

How can moms find new recipes or inspiration to break out of the normal food routine? 
That happens to me too, it is so common especially if you don't feel adventurous. Thankfully there are so many different ways of cooking styles and cuisines, that help you think outside the box. Myself, I am not a leftover person, I enjoy a different meal every day which makes it more challenging, but also expands my variety.

Hmmm...this mommy says 'Bruschetta is betta' Hard not to like veges on cibatta garlic bread. Simple and delish!

Should parents "make" kids eat foods that they don't like? 

I was raised old school if you don't eat what is in front of you then you don't eat at all. I do say force them but hiding it in a delicious way so they don't know it is there.

How important is letting kids help make the food when it comes to getting them to like it? 
Kids should be involved from the grocery store that way, they are apart of the decision making. Also if it is safe to get involved let them season meats or wash the veggies. Don't get me wrong, having chicken fingers and french fries is ok as long as you cut the potatoes and use fresh chicken. I am not a militant mom when it comes to healthy eating but just doing my best to make it easier. Kids play a huge part because they are creative and adventurous.

Turkey meatball parmesan sandwhich with fried zucchini

Any last tips? 

1) Always try and think of what you loved as a kid. 2) Make it fun and a learning experience of other cultures. 3) Think of family members that you might have that cooked your favorites as a child.

Jamie's two sons

Follow Jamie on IG!

Have you figured out the key to getting your kids to eat healthy?

---

Urban Fashion Pioneer April Walker: on Top of Her Game, 25 Years & Counting

March 26, 2018, 7:05 am

≫ Next: Remembering Your True Self When You Forget Who You Are

≪ Previous: This Mom Shares the Key to Getting Kids to Eat Healthy & it Doesn't Involve Force

$

0

0

Photos of April Walker Courtesy of April Walker

By Sharon Pendana   

When pioneering urban fashion designer April Walker was thirteen, she started kids gymnastics classes at Cadman Memorial Church in Brooklyn — not taking them, but teaching them — charging $5 per child. During high school, she combed the garment district for apparel to buy wholesale then resell at a profit. Though she aced all the civil service exams, after college, she didn't settle for a good government job. She’s always known the value of her skills, with a confidence that’s fueled her entrepreneurial fire and kept her hustle going for over twenty-five years.

Continue
With a fly streak of white hair beautifully framing her face and a strong, fit physique, she, at 52, exemplifies her oft-repeated mantra, "Health is wealth.” Curly Nikki spoke with the “Sacagawea of Urban Fashion” about her longevity in the game. From allowing a young Christopher Wallace to put her gear on layaway at her Clinton Hill boutique, Fashion in Effect, before his catapult to fame as the Notorious B.I.G. to launching her eponymous brand, Walker Wear in 1991, she blazed a trail in the urban category, a young woman in a burgeoning male-dominated business. Today she is reinvigorating her brand and recording the audiobook to her popular motivational book Walker Gems: Get Your A$% off the Couch with longtime friend, Milk of hip hop duo, Audio Two (one of her first celebrity clients)

First off, congratulations on 25 years in business, what an accomplishment! Take us back to the beginning.
Thank you. So the genesis of my business was that I was living the lifestyle, immersed in what was coming — that tsunami which was hip-hop. It was the Reaganomics era, and crack was on the street, but there was this metamorphosis of transition. We started seeing images of people who looked like us. Run DMC, Fresh Fest and LL Cool J at the Garden. It resonated with me. I grew up in Brooklyn, so to see people winning that wore shell toes [Adidas sneakers] on stage, it changed the game for me. I could be comfortable; could be who I am, and still succeed.

I was a junior at New Paltz [State University of New York] working at American Express, but I knew I didn't want to work for someone else. One day I went to visit Dapper Dan in Harlem and thought, this is exactly what I want to do, there’s nothing like this in Brooklyn. That’s how Fashion in Effect came into existence.

April Walker in the Walker Wear Showroom. Photo courtesy of April Walker

Where did you get the moxie to open a brick and mortar shop as a college student?
I was young, naive to fear. I grew up in Brooklyn at a time when we didn’t have anything but the hustle. When I was thirteen, I charged $5 a head to teach kids gymnastics. When I was in high school, I was a hustler; I'd buy silk dresses wholesale and take them to everyone on payday. Being an entrepreneur is very sexy now; everyone on social media is a brand. Back then, it was an outcast idea, but I think what gave me the tenacity and gumption to go into entrepreneurship was I knew I could. I was still alive at 20 years old — and I saw a lot of things. Also, my parents always cultivated that "you can do anything you want to do," which was a big, big win for me.

So your parents supported this venture?

Well, my mom was disappointed because I passed on the (city) positions. Everyone thought I was crazy when I went with my gut on that. My father was the only one who was like "go for it!" I'd saved up in college. The store was my little diamond in the rough started on a shoestring budget. It was a haven for people that loved breakdancing, graffiti, the culture. We had everyone who came in tag their name on our wall of tags. We would sit with each customer to give them something unique. Behind a curtain were our tailors, sewing machines, and a cutting table. Those are my humble beginnings and the springboard for all other opportunities. Shaggy was one of my first celebrity customers and Audio Two and Biggie (who she'd extended courtesy before he had a deal). They opened my eyes to even more possibilities. I’m very grateful.

April Walker with Biggie Smalls Courtesy of April Walker

You launched the urban sportswear line, Walker Wear in 1991, giving like-minded young creatives their first opportunities in urban fashion as Spike Lee did for folks in film.
Yeah, I guess you could say that. It’s been humbling. My team started from a tribe vibe. Many people have had their "school of hard knocks" with Walker Wear. They learn with me and go on to do great things. My sister Jackie began with me but built a career at the GAP, Jimmy Jazz, and Ralph Lauren. Others went on to [the brands] Mecca, Enyce, and Twism.

So with your 25th anniversary, you’ve relaunched Walker Wear; how has it morphed, how do you maintain relevance in a changing industry?
It was easier the first time around because I was just living it, I was right there in the moment. Now that I'm older, I'm not going to the clubs. I'm not in the mix like I was; so I embrace reverse mentorship. We can all grow and learn from each other, especially if we are trying to stay connected to what’s coming, not hold onto the past. Getting in the heads of our young people allows me to respect our differences then move to find common denominators. The digital platform has helped me. Brick-and-mortars are shrinking day by day. It's a way to pick up my bullhorn and talk to my people directly and not have to play the real estate game like before. We’ve done some cool retail and brand collaborations (with the likes of Starter and Vinnie Styles). It’s fun to be able to keep things fresh and do different things with different collaborators. There’s a lot of good stuff coming down the pipeline: a really cool pop-up experience for the end of the year in New York, Miami, and Atlanta; relaunching custom on Instagram; some cool limited editions and our first big retail collaboration. I have a lot of young designers getting involved; shout out to the team!

You're a serial entrepreneur from fashion and even the pet industry in the early aughts to now stepping into the cannabis business as well.
Yes! I'm delving into the cannabis lane. I saw that the industry was untapped but is going to be huge. When I found out how healthy cannabis is, I wanted in. My whole lifestyle is health and wellness. I learned of an opportunity to distribute a CBD (hemp) oil with nanotechnology— it breaks down the particles and absorbs them into your system faster, with more potency. I take it, and it’s been very beneficial (reducing the pain of a long-ago femur fracture). I'm also cutting a deal on cannabinoid water. I’m excited about all the possibilities. The cannabis category is growing faster than any other industry and women are the fastest growing group in this space.

April Walker fit at 52

With all that you juggle, how do you find your center?
I like to workout outside, stretching and yoga. I enjoy working out; it frees me. I’m right there, present and being present is a challenge in our lives. Working out anchors me and it centers my day. Our health is our wealth.

That's one of the many "WalkerGems" you share on everything from entrepreneurship to wellness.
Yes, they started on Instagram. I’m an entrepreneur, and I remember what it was like when I first started. Most startups don’t have the resources to pay for consulting in that first year. To have someone drop a jewel that says this is how it is or here’s an app that’s going to help you with your journey — it's great. So I compiled them and expanded them into a book, the first of a series.

I think the biggest inhibitor, the thing that holds us back, is fear and I wanted to address that. You have to have faith over fear. Once you know things are going to work out, it’s just problem-solving. Taking a chance, stepping out on a ledge, trusting your inner voice and knowing that, guess what? It’s okay to be different.

It’s so satisfying to see that you continue. The Brooklyn of your beginnings is very different from the borough today. So many people and businesses are gone.
That’s one of the reasons I want to keep the brand around. It’s not to become this multi-million dollar machine; it’s more important as a legacy to have people that look like us still standing.

How do you stay on top of your game?

Sharon Pendana is the creator of THE TROVE, author of Secret Washington DCand on a relentless quest to discover treasures, human and otherwise. Find her on Instagram, Medium,Twitter or binging on Netflix and Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps.

Remembering Your True Self When You Forget Who You Are

March 26, 2018, 7:20 am

≫ Next: Miss Jamaica Davina Bennett is Shealicious as the New Face of Shea Moisture!

≪ Previous: Urban Fashion Pioneer April Walker: on Top of Her Game, 25 Years & Counting

$

0

0

Nikki Walton

That general uneasiness that’s always lingering in the background? It’s just a symptom of your forgetfulness. When you forget who you really are, you feel scared, you worry, you stay on edge, hella moody, ready to snap. You don’t even know why! You also stay trying to manipulate & rearrange the outside circumstances in hopes that you’ll feel better. But there’s only one real ‘fix.’ No matter the presenting problem, be it physical, mental or financial, there’s only one remedy- you must remember your true self BEYOND just the natural hair wearing, no shit taking, education having woman in the mirror.

Continue

It sounds like an impossible task because she is all you know. But before you were aware of being this present version of you, you were aware of being ‘college student you,’ and ‘adolescent you,’ and ‘snaggle tooth kiddo you’... so many different ‘yous.’ Which is the real one?

Before you were aware of being ‘someone’ you were just aware of being. #IAmThatIAm And this unconditioned, faceless, formless awareness is present now, aware of you reading these words, aware of your apparent confusion and simultaneous remembrance of what I’m sharing, and it’s more you than any you that you’ve ever been aware of being! Hint- awareness reflects as joyful peace in the body

So your task is to wake up from being just the natural hair wearing, no shit taking, education having woman in the mirror that you currently take yourself to be. You must shift from being her to being the space that she happens in. You do this by placing your attention on the loving silence, the peaceful stillness, the joyful space that you can detect (within and without) in this moment, instead of your thoughts. You can’t be aware of both!  

 When thoughts come, return to the space. When tension comes, return to the space. You’ll keep doing this, over and over, catching yourself, until it becomes stable. And the more you pay attention to this joyful space, paradoxically, the natural hair wearing, no shit taking, education having woman in the mirror becomes more relaxed, confident, peaceful, secure, & loving. #BeHerNow

Miss Jamaica Davina Bennett is Shealicious as the New Face of Shea Moisture!

March 27, 2018, 8:23 am

≫ Next: Tell It Tuesday: Black Panther Scene Stealer Proves It's Never Too Late

≪ Previous: Remembering Your True Self When You Forget Who You Are

$

0

0

Davina Bennett By Tanay Hudson  After she won second runner up in the Miss Universe pageant last year, Davina Bennett cried, but she now has a reason to smile. The Jamaican beauty is now the face of Shea Moisture’s Jamaican Black Castor Oil line of products. “I will keep on representing! I am a winner!,” she wrote in excitement on Instagram. The 22-year-old is the first model to be the face for this campaign. Continue

Tell It Tuesday: Black Panther Scene Stealer Proves It's Never Too Late

March 27, 2018, 8:27 am

≫ Next: 5 Winning Magazine Covers With Black Women to Cop Right Now!

≪ Previous: Miss Jamaica Davina Bennett is Shealicious as the New Face of Shea Moisture!

$

0

0

Dorothy Steel Courtesy of Cindy Butler, left photo courtesy of Matt Kennedy

By Ta-ning Connai

Dorothy Steel is a scene stealer and she's got a growing fan base to prove it. The 92-year-old actress had all eyes on her during her appearance as the merchant tribal elder in Black Panther, and she can hardly step outdoors without requests for selfies or her autograph. One would assume Ms. Steel was a seasoned vet, but she's only been acting for 4 short years! At 88, she embarked on an entirely new career when most people her age are settled into retirement. It was her participation in a play at a senior center in Georgia that sparked a love for the arts that she didn't know she had. So she came out of retirement (worked for decades for the IRS), got herself an agent, and the rest is silver screen history! God certainly has a way of reconnecting us with our dreams. Whether it's months or years, there's one thing for sure...it's never too late, but we might have to wait....

Continue

When I was in the sixth grade, my teacher called me up to her desk and told me she wanted to speak to my mother. "Huh? You wanna speak to my mom?" I said sounding like I needed time to clean up a crime scene! My stomach did a somersault as I sifted through the days gone by trying to remember what I'd done wrong. Had she seen me when I rolled my eyes behind her back??? Or did she catch me chewing gum again??? Maybe she found out I smashed the school bully against the lockers for calling my brother Peach Fuzz (due to his light colored fro)! I was just about willing to confess to almost anything because the suspense was eating me alive!

It turned out, she wanted to tell my mother that she was certain I'd grow up to be an amazing writer. Whew, what a relief! She even made the bold statement that she expected to see a book of mine on the shelves one day. Imagine that! And even though I found my teacher quite annoying at times, I believed what she said because I knew she believed in me. But it wasn't too long before I forgot all about what she told my mom that day. And it was a really, really long time before I ever remembered it again.

I met Theron when I was around 16. What started off as a normal teenage relationship, quickly turned into a molotov cocktail of high strung drama and "on again, off again" madness. And even when it was clear that I needed to just get up and walk away, it took a bit more of a push to get me to do just that. Apparently, he hadn't hurt me bad enough yet. And chasing him with knives and glass bottles to relay my grief wasn't exactly the best way to get my point across. Yeah, I was slowly becoming the crazy one. What in the world was I waiting for?

Two pregnant girls later was the push I was evidently waiting for and the day I got the news was the same day I said goodbye. It's also the time that my writing came to an abrupt and crashing end. Much of what I began to write about was gut-wrenchingly sad. And when I left Theron, I didn't want to feel that way anymore. My broken heart and battered mind subconsciously associated writing with pain, and who the heck wants that? Not me. Not ever. So I walked away from them both.

2014 was a really bad year. I was chronically ill AND my beloved doggie named Juicy passed away. Somebody thought I'd get great joy from looking at other dogs online. They were right! I fell in love with a little yorkie who was so darn famous, she had her own page on Facebook. While checking out her funny trick videos, I branched out and started making comments on various posts. 

It seemed like every minute, I was on a tangent about one thing or another. Comments about my writing ability really encouraged me to begin making my own posts. Then one day out of the blue, a post in my news feed led me to write a poem. It would be the first poem I had written in DECADES. In that moment I realized that God "tricked" me back into writing by using Facebook and a little dog! Eventually I got well, I started a personal blog, and that blog then led me here to YOU!

Our purpose will always consist of the things we love, but sometimes even our love for those things isn't enough to keep our dreams afloat. But no matter how deep we bury them, no matter how far we throw them away, no matter how long we seem to forget...just like a boomerang, God will always make sure our gifts and calling find their way back to us.

Philippians 1:6 is our guarantee that...

"He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." 

See, no matter what you did to thwart the original plan, it can still happen if you want it. So, if you ever wanted to be a nurse, but can't go back to school, try volunteering at a nursing home for starts. Are you still funny? Find an open mic. You do hair? Turn your freebie friends into paying customers. No matter what it is, God can make up for lost time and thrust you right into the place where you belong. It's never too late, but you might have to wait; it'll be the best thing you ever did! 

Do you have a desire to do something that you've put off for years?

TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to present Christianity in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of Brooklyn), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

5 Winning Magazine Covers With Black Women to Cop Right Now!

March 27, 2018, 8:27 am

≫ Next: The Beginner's Guide to a Bomb Flexi Rod Set

≪ Previous: Tell It Tuesday: Black Panther Scene Stealer Proves It's Never Too Late

$

0

0

Amara la Negra covers Latina magazine

By Erickka Sy Savané

I remember the first time I saw model Kirsti Bowser on the cover of Elle magazine when I was around 14 years old. To see a black woman in such a prominent place gave me the courage to say, maybe, just maybe, I could do the same thing. I eventually moved to New York City (from Toledo, Ohio) to follow in her footsteps, and though I never quite made it to cover girl status, I would have never taken such a leap of faith had she not planted such a seed in me with that one image. That's the power of a magazine cover. It can make a little black girl believe that anything is possible. We salute the following ladies, gracing covers, making it look easy, and inspiring the next generation of magic!

Continue

Amara la Negra Amara la Negra with her beautiful dark skin and colossal fro is challenging the Latin community to have conversations around colorism that have long been swept under the rug. In the Spring issue of Latina magazine (which has never before featured someone her complexion), the Love and Hip Hop Miami star talks being comfy in her skin, her bodacious curves, and why it's time to let the world know that there are Latin people who look like her. Go on girl! Check it all out right cheeyah!

Lena Waithe Lena Waithe is indeed changing the game. Whether she's flexing her acting muscles on Master of None, producing the hell out of The Chi, or advocating on behalf of the LGBTQ community, Lena is everywhere at once! In this iconic issue of Vanity Fair she opens up about growing up with her "third parent" (the TV screen) her feelings about "Time’s Up," and more! Read the full story on VanityFair.com!

Lupita Nyong'o

No stranger to magazine covers, in this issue of Allure mag Lupita talks shaving her head for the first time, learning to braid hair out of necessity, and her secret weapon hair stylist Vernon Francois! Find out how she got her cover look here!

Cardi B.

Cosmo must know that it ain't a party if it ain't got Bacardi! In this issue the Bronx-born rapper opens up about the #MeToo movement, staying with a cheating man, and having a number one record! Read the full interview.

Oprah Winfrey Though Oprah is the all-time reigning cover queen of her own magazine, it's still nice to see her spread herself around! In this month's issue of InStyle she chats about why she won't run for President, "Exploring the depth of our human experiences," and how she stays centered. Read it all here!

PLUS 1 makes 6!!!!!!!

Tarana J. Burke Okay, so this is a bonus magazine cover because it's not quite on the stands. You have to order it from the website. None the less, doesn't #MeToo founder Tarana J. Burke look FANTASTIC!!! She's giving us #MotherGoddessAfricanQueen all rolled into one! In the issue she says, “These little Black and Brown girls go out into the world... we can tell them all the positive things we want. You’re beautiful, you’re amazing, blah, blah, blah. But they go out into the world where every day, the world tries to discount them and tell them something different…” And that's why she does the work. May she continue to do the work, and may we all be inspired to do the same! Visit Hannahmag.com for more deets! What's your favorite cover? And did you have a magazine cover that inspired you growing up?

Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.com, Ebony.com, Madamenoire.com, xoNecole.com, and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter, Instagram or ErickkaSySavane.com

The Beginner's Guide to a Bomb Flexi Rod Set

March 28, 2018, 7:32 am

≫ Next: The Cure for Wanting Everyone to Like You

≪ Previous: 5 Winning Magazine Covers With Black Women to Cop Right Now!

$

0

0

CurlyGaisha

Aiight ya'll, flexi rods are not the easiest hairstyle to pull off even for natural hair pros like CurlyGaisha! For that reason, she's going to take you through the steps to getting a bomb ass flexi rod set like you see in the photo. So check the vid, subscribe to her blog, and if you try this at home, do tell us how it turned out!

Continue

The Cure for Wanting Everyone to Like You

March 28, 2018, 7:33 am

≫ Next: Tune In: 10 Mental Health Podcasts For Black Women

≪ Previous: The Beginner's Guide to a Bomb Flexi Rod Set

$

0

0

By Erickka Sy Savané

Not long ago, I was having a moment about an article I wrote that was pissing a lot of women off. Not everyone, but enough that I started to let it get to me. Being a writer today is interesting because you do your best to convey a message that you believe in, and the truth is, not everyone is going to like it. No matter how well-intended. And the worst part isn't that folks disagree, opinions make the world go round, it's when people start calling you names and making threats. I learned this when I had to block someone on twitter about something I said about Serena, who I do adore by the way. At one point, I was close to clicking the delete button on the story altogether when something told me to pause and ask myself what’s really going on?

Continue

I was taken back to elementary school when I was growing up, riding the bus to Sunday school with my brother. We were the last to get picked up, and every week I dreaded mounting the bus steps because with most of the seats already taken, it meant sitting next to another kid. I don't know why, but these kids couldn't stand us. One day, as I sat next to a girl, she make a big production of moving herself as close to the window as possible and made a loud, "Eeeewwww!" Like I had cooties. Then she told me I looked like Ms. Peabody. 

Mind you, I didn’t even know who Ms. Peabody was, but I knew it wasn't good. Later I realized it had something to do with the thick-rimmed glasses I wore that reminded her of the cartoon character. Fast-forward to high school and by then I had my share of popularity, however, there were still those who weren't feeling me no matter how nice I was. And you know when folks aren't feeling you. It can be anything from getting a fake smile, to being straight up ignored, to someone trying to bully you. 

The other day, my daughter who is 8 years old and in the second grade came to me sad because a few girls in her class stopped liking her. She said that no matter what she does, they keep running away from her during gym class. As parents, we hate when anyone isn’t nice to our kids so I had to keep from saying what I wanted to say, which was what my Granny always told me, "F*ck’em." I couldn't understand why it was so important that these little girls like her when she had so many other friends? Then it occurred to me, she wants to be liked. We all do, and go about it in different ways. Instagram and facebook make billions of dollars off of likes. You post a pic and if NOBODY likes it you feel like you failed. Now if you have no friends on social media in the first place, not a problem. But if you have ‘friends,’ which most of us do because that’s the point, we want to be liked. Some people actually build whole businesses off of getting likes. As I was looking at her, searching for the right thing to say, the brutally honest words of my mom popped into my ears like I was in high school all over again. She'd say,

“Not everyone is going to like you. That’s life.”

And that’s exactly what I told my daughter. Because like a lot of things that I’ve come to realize, mom was right. Not everyone is going to like her. Or me. I mean, people didn't like Martin Luther King at the time and some still don't. Folks don't like Beyonce. I don’t like Omarosa, Paris Hilton or Justin Timberlake though they've never personally done anything to me, and some people I don't like because they remind me of someone else I don't like, so go figure.

Getting back to my post, I didn't delete it. The truth is, I stand behind what I wrote at the time because that's how I felt and not everyone is going to like it. That's life. Once I accept that, once we all accept that, maybe we'll write that book we've been putting off. Wear that red lipstick we fear people will say is too bright for our face. Date the short dude. Once we really get it, we're free.

Are you obsessed with being liked?

Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.com, Ebony.com, Madamenoire.com, xoNecole.com, and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter, Instagram or ErickkaSySavane.com

---

Tune In: 10 Mental Health Podcasts For Black Women

March 28, 2018, 7:34 am

≫ Next: The Cold Truth About Hot Flashes

≪ Previous: The Cure for Wanting Everyone to Like You

$

0

0

Lauren Ash and Zakkiyyah Najeebah host Black Girl in Om

By Niesha Davis

For years, mental health issues have long been stigmatized in the Black community. And for Black women specifically, we have been taught to keep quiet about the pain, anxiety, and anguish that often eats at us on the daily. It’s only been in recent years that Black people as a whole have stepped out of the mental illness closet in an attempt to not let past demons keep control of us. The fact that there are so many more resources available to inform us definitely helps. Here is a list of 10 mental health podcasts that are helping to empower and uplift Black women as we navigate the murky waters of psychological struggles.

Continue

The Cold Truth About Hot Flashes

March 29, 2018, 6:32 am

≫ Next: How Women Of Color Are Navigating Dating At Predominantly White Institutions

≪ Previous: Tune In: 10 Mental Health Podcasts For Black Women

$

0

0

By Veronica Webb

Once a month, when you’re suffering from cramping, bloating, moodiness and fatigue, do you imagine menopause as a dream where your menstrual cycle ends? That, like a butterfly, you’re freed from monthly changes forever?

Continue 

How Women Of Color Are Navigating Dating At Predominantly White Institutions

March 29, 2018, 6:34 am

≫ Next: Loneliness is Your Sign to be Super Watchful #BeHerNow

≪ Previous: The Cold Truth About Hot Flashes

$

0

0

Trevor Jackson & Yara Shahidi

By Lauren R.D. Fox

I religiously watch the hit series grown-ish because it allows me to reminisce about the college experience I had at a predominantly white institution (PWI). Not only is the show relatable but it sheds light on issues women of color often face in an honest, balanced and digestible manner.

In the middle of the season, one episode pulled at my heartstrings. Titled, “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp,” the installment highlighted the dating struggles women of color (WOC) face while studying on a PWI campus. I always assumed women of color who attended schools in metropolitan areas would have a better chance at a diverse dating pool unlike those who matriculated at schools located in rural demographics. Unfortunately, I was wrong. During a conversation with my close friend Desiree, alumnae of Columbia University, I realized our experiences were eerily similar.

Continue
My senior year, a bi-racial male student who I had a crush on DMed me on Facebook. Our conversation was flirty and then took a sharp turn when we began sexting. He asked for my number and sent me a picture of his whole “baby arm.” CHILE. I was intrigued since I was a virgin at the time. After the steamy exchange, we went on a date but something felt off. Not in a bad way but our in-person chemistry didn’t make my juices flow. We continued to keep in touch but that came to a halt when he played himself. He thought it would be okay to not acknowledge me when his white friends were around.

Desiree (who identifies as Afro-Latina) also shared that a racially-ambiguous Latino male classmate initiated sexual advances towards her via AIM but she wasn’t too impressed when he tried to use Spanish and ethnic colloquialism to get her in between his twin bed sheets. Especially since he spent most of his time passing as white on their Ivy League campus. No matter the type of school or student makeup, it’s disgusting when a man or anyone uses your race. ethnicity or complexion to appeal or shun you whenever they feel like it.

Since my friends and I graduated college eons ago, you know, back in the day when Facebook pokes, BBMs and AIM were used to shoot a shot, I decided to interview female students who are currently enrolled at my alma mater, SUNY Geneseo in Upstate New York. I wanted to know how they are navigating and negotiating dating, sex and relationships with respect to their races, cultures and gender identities. They poured me some candid, hot tea that I’m ready to serve you.

During our conversation, Senior student, Euni spoke about feeling fetishized by her white male classmates.

"When I've tried to date those outside of my community, such as straight white men, it never worked. Many times when encountering these men, I came to learn that they didn't actually like me, they liked the idea of me and the idea of being with their first Black girl. I was just always fetishized."

Ashley, a Latina senior, shared similar sentiments but noted that her white boyfriend had to get accustomed to her enjoying her culture even though it’s often labeled as “ratchet” or “ghetto” in mainstream society.

“I know that I can be pretty ratchet sometimes, which I will try to avoid if I’m talking to a guy. When I was only sleeping/talking to Matt, I didn’t really dance crazy with my friends or say the words I did. Once me and him were boyfriend/girlfriend, I kind of let loose and acted like myself. At times he didn’t like it but he ended up accepting the fact that I like to rap the verses to most Nicki Minaj or Cardi B. songs.”

Sophomore Janelle says men of color (MOC) sometimes act different when interacting with women versus how they behave with their male friends. Ashley confirms this wack behavior happens often.

“My friend, Sana* was hooking up with this guy Troy* for the longest time. He would completely deny ever being with her but still continuously hit her up on the weekends to go over to his place. I’ll never forget the one time at a party, he walks past her while holding onto a white girl completely ignoring her like she didn’t exist. After that incident, she never spoke to him again.”

All the women who participated in this interview agreed that there are MOC on campus who have openly expressed that they don’t like Black women at all or are just not interested in the WOC who live on campus. Euni believes most of them are not in touch with their culture or have complex issues with what Blackness represents. Senior Leah says despite this, her friends have lucked out with amazing MOC who don’t subscribe to self-hate or shallow ideals. She also expressed that dating men of color on campus can be difficult because the people of color’s community is very small and after a while, feels like family. I found this to be true when I attended Geneseo; some male students became community peen and their lack of discrepancy at times made for sloppy campus drama. When asked how or if Donald Trump’s presidency affected social interactions between students, the women noted there was tension on campus but it wasn’t anything they weren’t used to. It also didn’t make them shrink who they are and what they represent.

“While being at Geneseo, because of the lack of diversity here, I've actually become more proud in my Blackness. I take more pride in who I am, my skin color, my physical traits, and especially my hair,” Euni lamented. “We’re all more outspoken than other people. So, when these times do occur, we then turn around and say “and who cares what they think?” Janelle said in agreement. “It takes being a community, I personally feel, to have that confidence.”

How is/was your experience dating in PWI? 

Lauren R.D. Fox is a Guyanese-American pop culture/beauty editor and writer who has an undying love for soca fetes, poulorri, New Orleans and deep conditioners. After graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a dual concentration in American and Black Studies, she became a journalist and social media manager. Lauren has previously written for MadameNoire, Mayvenn Hair, Wetpaint, Enstarz, Her Agenda, Zora Magazine and B.Couleur Magazine. Follow her at @LOLOTHEFOX.

Loneliness is Your Sign to be Super Watchful #BeHerNow

March 29, 2018, 6:35 am

≫ Next: Model, Marketer Myori is Naturally Glam!

≪ Previous: How Women Of Color Are Navigating Dating At Predominantly White Institutions

$

0

0

Whenever the impulse arises to reach out to that person you said you wouldn’t reach out to no mo,’ use it as a trigger to become super watchful.

Continue

Watch your thoughts and emotions carefully— as if you were watching someone else... as if you were watching a movie starring ‘you.’ Feel the loneliness, fully, allowing it to hang out.  Don’t rush to do something (meditate, pray, pour a glass of wine, workout, strike a yoga pose, grab a book, a snack, your phone, etc) to suppress, remedy or ignore it.  Just let the loneliness be, the way you let the couch, table and walls be.  Unlike the ‘loneliness’, those objects are neutral to you, that’s why you don’t care that they are present.  The loneliness is a part of the present moment too, it’s a part of the scene, and it can’t be otherwise.  Don’t try to fix it.  Just watch the moment, including the energy disturbance you label as ‘loneliness’, objectively.  Then, if you still want to send that message, or make that call, go ahead, but it was a choice and not an unconscious act.

This super alert watchfulness is your to freedom from loneliness, lack and unhappiness.  Staying aware, being hella watchful, will allow you to entirely transcend your current situation and limiting self-concepts.  This watchful state of being will allow you to finally be who you’ve always, already been... HER. #BeHerNow #LetItBe #LetItHurt #LetItHeal - Nikki Walton

Model, Marketer Myori is Naturally Glam!

March 30, 2018, 7:44 am

≫ Next: What Were You Taught About Porn Growing Up & What Do You Think Now?

≪ Previous: Loneliness is Your Sign to be Super Watchful #BeHerNow

$

0

0

Myori Granger

A few years ago, Myori Granger came to the City That Never Sleeps to complete her Master's degree in Marketing. Natural for 10 years, this beauty with brains to match, is boldly being herself and blazing her own path in the modeling industry! Peep why she's this week's Naturally Glam pick!

Continue

Via IG

What products do you use on your hair?
I love homemade products and like to co-wash my hair. I rarely ever shampoo. Some of my kitchen cabinet favorites are coconut oil, Jamaican Black castor oil and olive oil so my hair stays hydrated…...and when I get lazy on the DIY front, I'll use some Got 2 B.

What do you do and why do you love it?
As someone working in a formal 9-5 and pursuing my modeling as a side hustle, I love being able to bring fashion to life and have been featured in Vogue, Teen Vogue, W magazine and Refinery29.

What do you do for fun?
I love to EAT. Trying new restaurants, traveling and taking impromptu on the fly trips if schedule permits.

Via IG

How do you stay healthy?
Wellllllll, I love me some junk food, I am a snacker. I try to swap out the junk for healthier snacks like fruits, nuts and granola and the occasional detox.

How has having natural hair contributed to your life/self esteem?
When I was a kid in middle school, I ALWAYS wanted my hair relaxed. My mom finally gave in and then my hair started to fall out. I decided I’d rather wear wigs if need be without damaging my natural hair!

What has been the best part of your natural hair journey?
Being true to myself. Rebelling against what society thinks I should look like and slaying every moment of it is honestly the best part.

Do you have a hair crush?
OOOh yes! My hair crush was the famous youtube blogger Domineque Banks A.K.A “Long hair don't care” Sadly she passed away from lupus… such a sad time for me. I really admired her journey and spirit, you would never be able to tell she was fighting a sickness.

Did you have a hair role model growing up?
Domineque Banks

Do you let people touch your hair?
Absolutely not!

Have you had negative natural hair experiences?
Of course! It’s part of the experience of being natural. Are there times I selectively wear my hair differently depending on an interview ? Yes, Does it suck? Yes. It’s life, everyone is not going to accept my hair and I understand that. I understand that my hair BRAGGADOCIOUSLY reveals confidence and people are intimidated by that.

Follow Myori on Instagram! What advice do you have for other women? Always stay true to the roots of who you are. Your hair does not define you, it compliments you. If you want to cut, dye, fro it or weave it go ahead! It’s your body and no one can tell you otherwise.

*******************************

To submit to be featured in Naturally Glam email: naturallyglam@curlynikki.com

And answer these questions

1) Where are you from and how long have you been natural?

2) What products do you use on your hair?

3) What do you do and why do you love it?

4) What's your skin care routine?

5) How do you stay fit?

6) How has having natural hair contributed to your life?

7) What's the best part about being natural?

8) Do you have a hair crush?

9) Did you have any hair role models growing up?

10) What do you do for fun?

What Were You Taught About Porn Growing Up & What Do You Think Now?

March 30, 2018, 8:01 am

≫ Next: This Video on the History of Black Hair Proves Our Hair is Definitely Our Crown

≪ Previous: Model, Marketer Myori is Naturally Glam!

$

0

0

By Veronica Wells

To be completely honest, there was a large part of me that balked when it was suggested I write about porn. I’ve enjoyed my fair share of porn (which I’ll talk about later.) But I also remember after one particularly fulfilling session in college, having a That’s So Raven-esque vision of myself becoming addicted to it, watching it every day to the point that it started to interfere with my responsibilities. I saw myself being late to pick my future daughter up from school because I was somewhere getting off. I take my visions seriously and it scared me. So these days I have to stumble across porn, mostly in gif form. And even then, I never linger long.

Continue 

It was my hesitancy to tackle the subject that let me know that not only did I need to write about it but also ask other women what they felt about it. With so many Black women coming from church and faith communities, the topic of porn is either ignored entirely or discussed with such loathing that those of us who do partake, feel a slight twinge of guilt watching it and certainly uncomfortable speaking about it. Which is exactly why I asked a few brave souls to share what they’d learned about porn growing up and what they think of it now that they’re grown.

Nadia, who comes from a Caribbean background, and was caught watching porn by her mom when she was just 9 years old says,

“My mom told me that it was dirty and sinful, and asked me if I had been molested instead of just realizing that I was a curious pre-teen. I also think she thought that I was being fast when in reality I was the last person to start having sex in my friend group.”

Iris shares a slightly similar experience of discovering porn early (kindergarten) and getting her ass ‘wore out’ every time she got caught watching. Regardless, she has a good relationship with porn today. She shares,

“I appreciate porn and Superhead for everything it’s taught me and those lonely nights it's gotten me through......I'm very into sex and my sexuality and I believe porn is necessary for life. I like seeing new tricks, positions, etc...I don't have too many friends that will sit and let me watch them and their husband have sex, so with that being said it's about as natural as can be for me."

Yvette didn’t watch porn as a child, and her parents never discussed porn with her, however, she figured out that it wasn’t something that should be around her when an older brother had to move out of the house for leaving a porn video in the family VCR where she could find it.

As she got older, things changed...

“As soon as I got to college, I learned all about Pornhub and I kept it a secret from my mom that I watched it until I graduated. It gets brought up in random conversation now because I'm "grown" so my mom and I speak freely about it in regards to like marriage. Now the church I grew up in was another story….I remember them having a 7-week series during Sunday school (for adults of course) about pornography and how it was perverted and it was a sin and blah blah blah. I was in my early 20s having to sit next to my mom while they discuss in all the ways pornography could lead to broken marriages, homosexuality, and other things. I was floored and looking at my pastor like he had 10 heads because surely a man well in his 50s is seriously not spewing this kind of message to other grown folks, half of which are married. I think porn is fine and healthy and can be a great tool in marriages to educate or to spice things up. I also believe masturbation is healthy and normal. But I do have an internal conflict about how I personally feel and how I was made to feel according to my religious practices.”

As for me, I’m actually surprised to recall that my parents didn’t have any extensive conversations with my sister and me about porn, only because other aspects of sexuality were so openly discussed in our household. On occasion, I would see my father’s erotica or Playboy magazines—which he bought for the articles. My mom would make offhanded comments like, “Your dad likes to watch those nasty movies.” I could fill in the gaps. Not only from these throwaway comments but mostly because my parents put televisions with cable in me and my sister’s rooms. During my teen years, I stumbled upon Cinemax and more importantly HBO’s “Real Sex.”

Not only did “Real Sex” go a long way in stimulating me, it also provided some extremely helpful information. With my parents’ (read mom’s) honesty and my cable, I knew more than the average bear when it came to everything from anatomy, sexuality and the woman’s ability to ejaculate. “Real Sex,” even showed me that there was a man who could make women achieve orgasm without even touching them. I saw it with my own eyes. I still think about that from time to time.

When I was a kid, there was a level of guilt watching porn because I knew damn well that’s not why my parents bought us those TVs. Still, I was and still am very appreciative and forever grateful for what the pornographic content was doing for my body—with an assist from my waterbed—and my mind.

Ultimately, I think it’s up to each woman, Black or otherwise, to determine what her sexuality looks like for herself. And if that sexuality includes an embracing of porn or not. Strip away your parents’ hangups and occasional hypocrisy. Imagine that you never heard what the church had to say about the subject, watch a little something, read a little something and then take inventory of your feelings afterward. Did you enjoy yourself? Does it enhance your sexual expression? If you feel a twinge of guilt or a level of discomfort, try to identify whether or not it’s coming from your own opinions or the ones you’ve been exposed to. As women, and Black women particularly, there is so much that often stands in the way of us fully embodying our sexual selves that we have to work hard just to hear our own voice.

What were you taught about porn growing up? Have your opinions changed as an adult?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the websiteNoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug

This Video on the History of Black Hair Proves Our Hair is Definitely Our Crown

March 30, 2018, 8:17 am

≫ Next: There's No Space for Vanity in Motherhood

≪ Previous: What Were You Taught About Porn Growing Up & What Do You Think Now?

$

0

0

We can't know where we're going until we know where we've been. This video highlighting the history of black hair dating back to Africa, through enslavement, to today, can give us the perspective we need to walk powerfully through the world, knowing that our hair is truly our crown. As Marcus Garvey said, "Remove the kinks from your mind, not your hair." Peep the video and drop us a line in the comment section!

Continue

---

There's No Space for Vanity in Motherhood

April 2, 2018, 7:06 am

≫ Next: Advice to a Mom Whose Daughter Gets Teased for Her Short 4c Hair

≪ Previous: This Video on the History of Black Hair Proves Our Hair is Definitely Our Crown

$

0

0

Annette Brown Bravo

By Dawn Washington

One day I overheard my brother remarking about a family member. "She let herself go," he said.

This particular family member was a mother of multiple children. Prior to her children's births she was the "hot girl." I know because I witnessed the attention she received. Nevertheless, something rose up in me when my brother made that particular comment, mostly because it was incredibly unfair and shortsighted.

Continue
I am 38 years old and I am now the mother of two. My body is different. This latest bundled blessing has taken the little butt that I had and magically placed it at my mid-section. The grays in my hair are seeing the light of day more often because I no longer can find the time to go to the salon (no kid policies).

My pelvic floor you ask? I didn't even know what a pelvic floor was until I delivered my first child and felt like my vagina had fallen out with the baby. I was reminded of the value of a strong pelvic floor with my second child when I successfully peed on myself while bolting into the door of my house. And this is not to speak of things that are already here or rumored to come... yeah, like stretch marks and hemorrhoids. So goes the experience of many mothers.

All this to say, being a mother is a humbling experience.

I was more vain than I care to admit before I had children. Most of the time I had was spent on me and it showed...and people noticed...and yes, I liked that.

Porsha Williams, one of the RHOAs without children

I spent my days shopping for dresses, shoes, lingerie. I got my hair done on the regular, it was my one splurge item. Heels, wow. I wouldn't be caught dead walking onto the job without them including MAC products adorning my lips. And my guess is that all of these things are associated with not "letting yourself go," according to my brother.

But guess what? All that time for yourself vanishes when children come, so much so that extended family members have to rescue you for a few hours on the weekend so that you can get basic shit done like pick up toothpaste and laundry detergent, you know, things you took for granted before children. Lately I find myself booking local hotel rooms just to be away from the kids and to get some sleep.

Bryce as a infant, keeping me humble

After the birth of my latest child, a lovely Muslim woman (and mother of 5) imparted this wisdom to me, "Another word for 'mother' is God." As I nursed my baby in the wee hours of the morning, I would let her words settle into my heart over and over and they blessed me.

Her words were also a sobering dose. Outside of the everyday care of a baby, like the feeding, changing, dressing, bathing, and putting to bed, there are the emotional needs.

When my baby is scared, he looks for me. When he is sad, needs affection, is too cold, or too hot, sick, needs entertainment, he looks to me. Most people who are not mothers nor have the experiences of moms cannot hold together what it's like being god to another human being. The level of demand is beyond comprehension for some folk.

That's why I could never get into the "Housewives" brand. Most of the women on these, particular "reality" shows are moms and I just couldn't resonate as a mother with the things they concerned themselves with and how they spent their time. And I say this without judgement.

Basketball Wives LA

To be fair, reality TV is a construction...not at all as real as producers brand it. But mostly, being on television necessitates a level of ego. And I'm just not here for it anymore. It's easy to fall for the myth that they represent, that you can look put together all the time and hold down your children. Never forget that they pay people to shop, dress, and style them. You, sitting on the other end of that TV don't have the glam squad waiting for you in your bathroom.

Being vain is not how I want to spend my time these days. And frankly, vanity is a set up to be knocked down several notches when motherhood kicks into full gear (as I scrub off the poop and spit-up on my pants).

Motherhood has so liberated me that common aesthetic mistakes no longer bother me. A co-worker once noticed that I left my zipper open while I was talking to her. She pointed it out with a stifled chuckle. I looked down, zipped my zipper, thanked her and kept it moving. Why? Because it happens and will happen again. Several years ago, I would have been devastated...scratch that, it would not have happened because prior to children, I spent more time in front of the mirror.

Me & Brooks

Today, I could care less about my zipper being open because at any given hour I have 500 things on my mind and 400 hundred of those have to do with my children's well-being (and trust me, I have a life outside my children). A zipper is bound to be left unzipped at some point.

I wear flats all the time now and only look for heels on those rare date nights. Why you ask? Because when you've made lunch, got that and the homework in the book bag, nursed the little one, paid the childcare provider, and made it through traffic on Lake Shore Drive in less than 30 minutes to get to work on time, you pat yourself on the back, not wish you'd worn heels. In heels, at least 2 of those things wouldn't have gotten done.

There are so many hours in a day and mothers have choices to make. While self-care should always be something a mom makes time for, the days are over for having time to do all the self- care you want, at least while the kids are young. So instead of shopping to update your wardrobe, perhaps you only have time to hit the gym and get dinner on the table. Or instead of spending the day at the salon, perhaps all you can do is bring the magic in your own bathroom while the kids play in the other room. Motherhood reality.

Don't get me wrong, I do my best when it comes to looking good (and on occasion, I still get noticed) but my best today is not the same best I had prior to children, mainly because time and sanity are much more precious commodities. Life looks different for me today and so do my appearances and as long as I'm okay with that, I don't need you to be.

So the only thing I'm "letting go of" these days are flippant comments towards myself and other moms, comments from those who cannot handle both the gravity and the radiance of motherhood.

Do you find yourself less vain since motherhood?

Dawn is a writer and a mother who holds down a day job in academia. Currently she is getting her shit together. More to come from her!

Advice to a Mom Whose Daughter Gets Teased for Her Short 4c Hair

April 2, 2018, 7:09 am

≫ Next: There is a Voice That Doesn't Use Words. Listen. #BeHerNow

≪ Previous: There's No Space for Vanity in Motherhood

$

0

0

By Erickka Sy Savané

As the managing editor of CurlyNikki I read a lot of comments, especially on the Facebook page where folks nowadays seem more comfortable, or maybe it's just more convenient, to sound off. This particular comment and question from a reader was tough to read, and I think anyone would agree, whether a parent or not: My daughter has 4c hair and the shrinkage is real! She gets teased at head start by her peers. They call her bald head and ugly because her hair isn’t long and silky. I try my best to instill in her love for her natural self. She doesn’t feel pretty unless she has crochets in. I was teased a lot in school, and it still has an affect on my self esteem. I’m afraid she’s going to end up the same way. How do we teach our kids to love themselves when we have other kids out here telling them they’re not good enough?

Continue

As a mom with two daughters ages 8 and 6 years old, who both have short, 4c hair, I can relate to this mom's question. It's not easy, because in an ideal world other moms/parents would be teaching their kids that black is beautiful no matter the skin tone or the texture and length of hair. But that would mean that moms/parents would have to believe it to teach it and that ain't always the case. And frankly, it's the subtle things that kids pick up on like, do mom and dad call people ugly? Bald-headed? Black? Do they only compliment hair styles that have length? Do they stay in hair extensions?

Back to the mom who wants to instill self-love in her little girl in a world that ain't too kind. By no means am I an authority, but I do have some experience with this.

Here's what I do:

Jade

1. Affirm the beauty of hair like theirs. I always point out and affirm the beauty of black women with short to bald hair. I'm positive about longer natural hair as well, but since their hair is short that's where I have to put the bulk of my energy. Fortunately, there are tons of women with short and bald hair in ads, on instagram, and in my friend circle. Then there's me proud as a peacock, letting them know that I love my short fro. Sometimes I show them African school girls who rock their hair shortly cropped to the head because in many parts of the Continent it's required. Now, the fact that they're there, and my girls are here, only helps so much. But we'll take the help anywhere we can get it! Here is a photo of a beautiful young girl named Jade who is a dancer in New York. She happens to wear the most beautiful fro, so my girls are fortunate to know her as a short hair positive role model. Jade cut her hair after damaging it with a perm a few years ago and has been wearing it, and loving it, like this ever since. Her story is here!

2. Affirm the beauty of their hair. When I'm combing, washing or conditioning their hair I tell them, "Oh your hair is so strong, soft and beautiful." My youngest has heard it so much she says, "I know."

Princess Tiana

3) Give their dolls a big chop. Not every doll's hair gets cut, but a lot of them do, especially if the hair gets tangled. Why? Two reasons. 1) Rare is the doll that has short hair like them so why not make the doll look like them so they can feel represented? 2) It sends the message that it's just hair. It can be here today and gone tomorrow. And Princess Tiana (above) looks great with short hair too!

One of my daughter's self-portraits

4) Encourage them to draw pictures of themselves as they are. My girls love to draw and whenever they draw themselves they have to make the picture with short hair. Early on, my eldest daughter drew a pic of herself with long hair and I told her, "You have beautiful short hair, so I want you to draw yourself that way." Funny enough, she has an Indian friend at school who drew a photo of them together last year and she drew long hair on my daughter. She told her, "Actually, that's not how I look. Draw me with short hair." I feel it sends her and others the message that she is enough.

My daughter Makho left, a friend's daughter Nile in the middle, and my daughter Ami right.

4) Lay off the fake hair. I know. This can feel like throwing your kid into the lion's den because you're forcing them to wear their own short hair. Yes, you are throwing them into the lion's den but the character they build so young by showing up in the world as their authentic selves is priceless. Once they stand strong in that, and they will, the world is their oyster. And didn't Daniel beat the lion in the end? And no one is saying that they can't ever wear braids with extensions, but if they want to wear them all the time because they are insecure in their own short hair, if they wear them even when their edges are a distant memory, that's a problem. Recently, a friend whose daughter is in the 4th grade and wore long braids most of the time got her hair pressed and damaged so she had to cut it all off. Instead of wearing her short hair out, she's now wearing a hijab. It's not easy, but let's stop hiding our girl's short hair.

5) If you have fake hair, lay off of it too. Yea, I know. Why Sway? Well, because kids learn more from what they see, not what we tell them. If you're telling your daughter how beautiful her short hair is while you're still rocking long, faux hair she's going to look at you like you're running game on her. So both showing up in the world authentically can be an exercise in self-love. And again, no one is saying you can never switch it up and wear fake hair sometimes, this isn't the military, but while you're trying to build your daughter up, stick with her. It would be the same if you wanted her to eat healthy and lose weight. You wouldn't walk in the house chomping on an ice cream cone while telling her that sugar is bad.

6) Explain to them that there are a lot of people out there who just don't get it. It might seem too heady for a kid, but it's not. Especially when that kid is being teased for being black. When a little girl told my daughter that her hair was ugly, and that same little girl had kinky hair too, I had to explain that she didn't know any better. That unfortunately there are some people, black, white, and in-between, young and old, that haven't been taught that black is beautiful. So it's not you, it's them.

Okay, that's all I got...I'd love to hear what advice you have for this mom because CurlyNikki is the longest and strongest natural hair community there is and we know that it takes a village to raise these kids. Sooooooooooooo......

How do we teach kids to love themselves when the world is telling them something different? 

Erickka Sy Savané is a wife, mom, and managing editor of CurlyNikki.com. Based in Jersey, City, NJ, her work has appeared in Essence.com,Ebony.com, Madamenoire.com and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter and Instagram or ErickkaSySavane.com

There is a Voice That Doesn't Use Words. Listen. #BeHerNow

April 2, 2018, 7:11 am

≫ Next: Everything You Need to Know About African Black Soap

≪ Previous: Advice to a Mom Whose Daughter Gets Teased for Her Short 4c Hair

$

0

0

As you read these words, try to hear your heart beating... can you hear it? Listen closely...

Continue

Fun fact- you can’t both listen and think. It’s always one or the other. The inner silence that immediately and effortlessly replaced your thoughts when you turned within to listen, is the ‘voice that doesn’t use words.’ That silence is God, manifest. IT’s the Kingdom, and you’ve found IT. Stay there, and the ‘added things’ will find you.

#StayListening #BeStill #BeHerNow

p.s. Whether or not you heard your heart beating, doesn’t matter. The high quality, super alert listening is what matters. Listening for any faint sound in your experience, indirectly gathers your attention on the silence within— which is the Source of unconditional love, abundance and true peace. Your heartbeat is just an easy one because it’s always present. Just as God is. Just as you are.

Everything You Need to Know About African Black Soap

April 3, 2018, 5:11 am

≫ Next: Tell It Tuesday: Denzel Washington & the Positive Impact of Mentorship

≪ Previous: There is a Voice That Doesn't Use Words. Listen. #BeHerNow

$

0

0

Photo via Timasamad

By Tima Samad

African Black soap has been used for centuries in West Africa. It is still made the traditional way from locally harvested plantain skins, cocoa pods, palm tree leaves & shea tree bark, to name a few potent ingredients. It is then fermented which is how the soap gets its brownish-black color.
*Please Note* African Black Soap should not be entirely Black in color. If so, it is not authentic. It’s watered down & mixed with different agents!
Continue

Tell It Tuesday: Denzel Washington & the Positive Impact of Mentorship

April 3, 2018, 5:25 am

≫ Next: And iDanced: Shane Johnson Gives Us a Peek Into the World of Hip Hop Dance Pioneers

≪ Previous: Everything You Need to Know About African Black Soap

$

0

0

Denzel Washington

By Ta-ning Connai

Summer is almost here, which means the movie Equalizer II is in our near future! This is where we get to see Denzel Washington play a good guy who does bad things to bad people for good reasons. Oooh now that's gonna be good!

Greatness seems to come easy for this 63-year-old actor; everything he touches turns into award-worthy gold. However, he's quick to credit his childhood mentors and the Boys & Girls Club of Mount Vernon. He says the program provided him an alternative to the prison life that snatched up quite a few of his friends, and he's been an avid spokesperson for the club. Imagine if that program hadn't existed, the world would be void of the many brilliant performances that reached deep into our souls.

Continue
There may not be the next Denzel in your midst, but perhaps a prolific writer, math wiz, or a savvy entrepreneur, at a crossroad, unclear about which way to turn, and that's where you and I come in. We may not be able to change the entire world, but we can certainly make a world of change just one young person at a time.

Why I would volunteer to be a camp counselor for three summers in a row is beyond my own understanding. Bonfires, dirt roads and creepy noises are a MAJOR departure from the city life I love. Yet there I was, subjecting myself to the uncertainties of the jungle, sleeping in a shabby old cabin with a rickety screen door. But I always wanted to help troubled teens, so I figured, what the heck.

At camp

The first two years, the summers were pretty uneventful. Besides the mosquito bites and desperately trying to keep my clothes clean, I guess it wasn't that bad. But the third year, Oh Lord! Some of these girls had serious issues back home and we were warned that they just might test us. So I was like, “Test us??? Is that code for they might hit us?!!!" Omg! So now I'm imagining myself rolling in mud with a teenager's braids wrapped around my hand, as her legs have my neck in a choke hold. Great, just great. I kept thinking, "Why Jesus Why?" all the while having no idea that I would find out real soon.

The Head Coordinator assigned each counselor to speak on a specific subject in front of the whole camp. This was new, but ok, cool. Suddenly, I hear my name mixed in with the term self-esteem. Wait, is she serious? Clearly this was a big mistake and I had all my excuses ready, "I can't speak in front of crowds...these kids won't listen to me...I have nothing to say...nobody's gonna care...they're gonna laugh...I'm scared...I'm not gonna do it...""Yes you can and yes you are. God said you are qualified," and those were her parting words.

Twas the night before my presentation and all the time I could've used to prepare was long gone. All I could do was pray for divine public speaking intervention, “God please make everybody be quiet and give me the words to say. Amen.”

When I walked into the cafeteria, I could hardly hear my teeth chatter for the noise of the rambunctious crowd. I wanted to run far, far away, but the forest full of crocodiles didn't seem like the better option. So, I just walked over to the mic, took a deep breath and waited for Jesus to take the wheel.

I began to tell them things they didn't know; that I had a hard time as a teenager because of the way I looked; that jealousy was cruel to me and that it was hard for me to keep friends; that I got so depressed, I once developed a phobia of going outside. And then I told them that one day God freed me from the cares of public opinion and gave me the strength and self-acceptance that could only come from Him alone. I was shocked to hear the things I said, although they were coming out of my mouth. The fear was gone and I knew right away that God was in control.

You could hear a pin drop, nothing but pure silence. My divine public speaking intervention prayer worked! As I walked away, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned to see a young girl with eyes full of surprise. She said, "I would've never guessed that you'd gone through something like that. That happened to me too." The coordinator rushes over to me and says, "You have no idea, but you just saved a life." I was confused and she could tell. She went on, "That girl, she tried to kill herself several times. We convinced her mother to let her come here, not sure if we could even help her. She hasn't spoken since she's been here, and we were worried about it. So, we prayed for a miracle, that someone would reach her, and you're the one that did.”

Ta-ning and the girls at camp

I still shudder at the thought of what harm my refusal to speak could have caused. I realized that day that our obedience will sometimes be attached to something more serious than we know. One day, God will show us all the souls we blessed by saying yes to His call to mentor. But until then, we have to trust that He knows the backstory for all of us, and He'll never allow our inadequacies to deem us unqualified to do His great works. 2nd Corinthians 3:5 tells us that, "It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.” Well, in that case, get ready, ‘cause someone’s waiting for your help!

Do you have a mentoring experience to share?

TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to present Christianity in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of Brooklyn), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!